Pan the interior of the UnfinshedDome, in
beautiful Golpherburrow, Colorado. The pyro guys wave their sparklers and
banners are unfurled. (Several highlights; 'Bohemoth ate my other sign',
'Streetmime " ":" " ' and 'Coma says, "Eek eek, snurgle
to... uhh, what are we calling this one?
Ya gots me
V, I don't even know what day it is...
Twilight, any suggestions?
Don't look at me,
Vince. We've been broadcasting so sporadically, you're lucky I even turned
Welcome everyone to... The Road
To Supercard IV!!!
I'm cool widdat.
And tonight sees
the much anticipated Fatal Four Way..
Sergeant Genocide, Bohemoth,
The Tiger and Homicidal Hank go at it for a Supercard shot at Hanks
Intergalactic title! And remember the special stipulation.. If Hank should win
the match then the title shot goes to..
thass gonna get da fans tunin' in all
And in support
matches tonight, we've got a special time-filling six man tag. Also, Soem Guy in
a Mask debuts, taking on Dr. Snare in an "Everything-but-the-kitchen-sink'
You reckon that's a typo,
But first up its.. hey who mixed up
the script? Guess we'll have to leave this one to Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first, representing the Rogues
Gallery, accompanied by the Rogue and Colonel "Pops"
Khorne, from Anchorage, Alaska, HECTOR "CRUDE" OIL. If you have trash,
prepare to shed it now..
(The soda cups fly for the heels as they run the garbage gauntlet
to the ring)
And his opponent, representing the Hubcap Gang (Huge pop), JAMAL
That's GOTTA be a
I don't think Hector cares, Cap.
Here he comes, and he immediately starts slamming Jamals head into the
OWW!! OWW!! OWW!! Let me
get da damn headset off at least!!
Jamal finally gets out his
headphones off, just in time for a bodyslam on the floor! Hector drops a leg on
Jamal. Brings him back to the table. Jamals head meets the wood for a second
Are you okay, Jamal? Speak
But I don't wanna go to
school today, momma... I wanna stay an' bake cookies wit
Hector drags him into the
ring. Whips him to the ropes, flattens him with a side
Jamal's showing some ring
rust here. Crude Oil with a belly-to-butt suplex. And follows up with a Spinning
That looked just like the
Trust me. Jamal finally
puts up some offense, with a couple of elbows. Leg sweep! Atomic
Big headbutt from Crude stops
that in a hurry. And an eyerake.. typical Gallery tactics there.
I don't think Jamals got
much chance here..
(The sound of stuff
breaking fills the arena. Huge pop as Luke Warm leaps from the
Luke Warm!! Luke Warm!!
Luke Warm!!! The North American champion is all over Khorne.. He's signaling to
Can I do it this time,
Not as easy as it looks, is
Oxygen required at
ringside. Now the Rogue gets a STONECUTTER as well. Hector slides out of the
ring... and I do mean slides.. and now he's taking it to Luke Warm. The two of
them are going at it furiously. Jamal is out on the floor as well, creeping up
behind Crude Oil... Oil turns... STONECUTTER by Jamal!!! Jamal rolls back into
winner of this match, as the result of a Count-out.. JAMAL TUPAC
wins! And listen to those fans as he celebrates in the ring with Luke warm,
who's somehow managed to produce a couple of Yoo-hoos.
We're never going
to hear the end of this one, Vince.
That's for sure. Well as a jubilant Jamal
rejoins us at the table, let's move straight on to our next match.
You see dat,
V?? Who's da man?? Who's da man?? Yeaaaahhhh!!!
is a special six man tag team bout, scheduled for one fall. Introducing team
(V/O: "OH, SO
YOU HADN'T FIGURED IT OUT..." Hey we're working on it,
Here is BILLY
"BAKED ASS" BAKER and "ROASTED NUT" PETEY THE PEANUT GUY,
THE NEWBIE AGED OUTLAWS!! And their partner.. HTB FLATLINE! Oh, and Mr..
Planters is there too..
(They three of
them enter to "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?" The crowd pops,
taking this as a reference to Bill "Roughrider"
opponents.. LENNY "THE FORCE" BAXTER and MAD COW, BARNYARD FORCE FIVE,
with HTB COMA!!! and I guess Madame Bovine as
JOE" is cued as the BFF make their appearance. Coma is dressed as chicken.
Crowd gives an equally good reaction)
Well, the fans are divided on
this one. Looks like Baxter and Petey are going to start things
into the good old collar-and-elbow tie-up.. big shove sends Lenny down to the
mat. He rises and gets on the wrong end of a series of European
uppercuts. Armdrag from Petey sends the smaller man to the
See, if I
was in dis match, it'd be ovah by now..
I have no
doubt about that. Bodyslam by Petey. Tags in the Baked Ass... double slingshot
to the ropes and Lenny runs into a double elbow shot. Now a double atomic drop
by the Outlaws. Ref finally herds Petey out of the ring, but the damage is
teamwork by the Outlaws. Lenny taking all sorts of punishment from the Satanic
baker now. Standing drop-kick.. Plunging Neckline Suplex...and a leg drop..
cover by Billy..1..2.. kickout.
Billy tags in Coma . Coma immediately climbs the
ropes and executes a 450
Now if he'd
been aimin' INTO da ring, dat mighta paid off..
As Coma picks himself out of the remains of the Creepy
Timekeepers table Lenny has managed to tag in Mad Cow. He waits for Coma to roll
back in, and begins hammering him with forearm shots. Delivers a piledriver.
Pinning attempt.. kickout at 2..
Suplex by Mad
vertical suplex.. Aint seen that fo' a while..
Mad cow gives Coma an inziguri..
It hit him
in da head, whaddaya expect, V?
Coma tags in Billy again. Mad Cow and
The Baked Ass collide in the center of the ring. Lefts! Rights! A jawbreaker
from Billy.. Mad Cow lowblows the Baker! And slaps on a Native American
Billy struggles to reach
the ropes.. He can't make it.. here comes Petey with a well-timed drop-kick to
break up the hold. Mad Cow is outraged. He throws Billy into his corner and
charges over to Petey.. the two of them exchanging blows now as Billy is getting
worked over by Flatline and Lenny. Referee having trouble separating Petey and the
Was that like Chico and the
Ignore him.. Billy staggers out
of the corner as Mad Cow moves in for the kill... looks like he's going for the
Bullrush.. yes, he picks up Billy and charges at a ringpost.. Billy slides of
his shoulder and slams the Cow into the corner!! He actually flew right over the
turnbuckle and hit the ringpost!! Both men are down!!
match is good, V.. not as good as mine though.. da one I won,
I'll ignore that. Both men crawling to their corners.. just inches
away now.. Mad Cow tags in Flatline... And Billy reaches out to Coma!! Supercard
preview coming up!!
race towards each other... and...... do-si-do in the center of the
Aw, yeah.. theys gonna put on a
good match at Supercard... Not!!
And now they
appear to be performing a German Folk dance. Now this is something never seen in
a wrestling ring before..
just slapped Flatline in the face!
That's what ya do in a German
Folk dance, V..
exactly do you know, Jamal?
Uhhh.. just call da damn
Anyway, Flatline has
responded to that slap with a right cross. Coma fires back with a headbutt...
and its all on again!! Powerbomb by Flatline on Coma... feathers fly from the
impact! Picks him up and whips him to the ropes.. Coma ducks a clothesline.. and
the HTBS sandwich the ref! he's down! And just like that, all six men are in the
A complete slobberknocker has broken out... Lenny
Baxter and Billy are pummeling each other in one corner.. Mad Cow and Petey
tumble over the ropes in front of us and are struggling on the floor.. Flatline
and Coma are mugging a soda vendor at ringside..
contest has been declared a time-limit draw. Thank you for your
Well, while we get this sorted out, let's go to a
Hey, why don't you
try "Papa Greasys Good Time Pizza House"? We suck, but we're
That was it? We still haven't got the ring
Well, why don't we take a
look back at our first match tonight?
Oh, no you don't Jamal...
Announcer Lad, do your duty.
The following contest is
an "Anything-but-the-kitchen-sink match", set for one fall. The rules
are as follows.. Each competitor had 30 minutes to find whatever foreign
objects he wanted for this match. The weapons are in separate dumpsters on
either end of the ring... In the event of a time-limit draw, the match will be
decided on originality and creativity of weapons used. This is a recorded
Good lad... that's filled in the
Mr. Hard-core himself, from Jackson, Tennessee, DR
(Dr. Snare enters accompanied by Identity Crisis Man,
who's dressed up like Dr. Snare. The crowd gets slightly confused at
And his opponent...
(Lengthy Pause)... SOEM GUY in a MASK? Is this card correct? I mean, that's a
in a mask enters. In desperation Vic plays "Hey Jude" by the
Guess Announcer Lad and
Vic don't know anything more about this guy than we do...
Well both men are in the
ring now. Seom Guy has entered with a sink plunger, Snare is carrying an
easy-to-assemble wine rack.
Jamal, you're the color man
Hey, back off wid dat
racist s<BLEEP>, b<BEEP>ch..
You know what I mean! Any
insights into Soem Guy?
Man, I don't know jack
about dis dude. Maybe he just damn ugly.
Smoe Guy lock up.. Soem Gyu begins by viciously beating Snare with his plunger.
Snare responds with a swipe of his wine rack. Heavy blow on Smeo Uygs
do more damage wid dat wine rack if he'd put it together
Hey, those padded cardboard
boxes are pretty devastating Jamal. Soem Guy attempts to ram his plunger into
Sares face. Snare ducks! And the plunger is stuck on a turnbuckle. Snare has the
upper hand now! He's whaling away with that wine rack.. Huge swat sends the
Masked Man to the floor.
the Msaekd Mna, V?
This is confusing enough as it
is, Jamal. Soem guy stumbles over to his dumpster. He's got.. A Weed Whacker!!
Good Lord... it's plugged in!!
advances on snare, the Weed Whacker buzzing ominously.. This could get bloody
Wait, there's some great
thinking by I.C.M. He's yanked out the cord! Soem Guy pauses to see why
his lawn trimmer has stopped and Snare nails him with the wine
Both men run
to their respective dumpsters for another weapon. Personally, I think Seom Yug
should stick with the Weed Whacker.
He cannae do it, Captain. He
doesnae have the POWER!
waitin' yo whole life to say dat, haven't ya V?
Sue me. Snare grabs a framed
print of Humphrey Bogart from his dumpster. Soem Guys got a pair salad tongs and
a frying pan. They meet in the center of the ring. TONG-ASSITED LOWBLOW!!
TONG-ASSISTED LOWBLOW!! TONG... ahh, you get the idea.
to his knees, and receives the frying pan over the head. Soem Guy
covers...1..2...kickout by Snare. Soem Guy begins hammering Snare with the pan.
Snare responds by slamming the picture of Bogie over Seom Guys
Both men are
now duking it out in the ring. Elbow smash by Snare! Knee lift from SoemGuy.
Ostrich Stretching Suplex by Snare. Soemguy with a Flying Jalepano Suplex!!
Snare picks up Soemguy and drags him out to the apron.
into the Dumpster!!! Both men inside the dumpster now, grabbing whatever they
Snare smashes Soemguy with a DVD
player! Soemguy returns the favor with a Boxed set of "Star Wars"
Videos!! Snare finds a economy-sized jar of mayonnaise and lowblows Soemguy with it! Snares
takes the advantage and sets Segymou up for a piledriver!
Soem Guys head hit something
solid in there.. ref checks it.. and calls for the
The ref reaches into the
dumpster and pulls out.. A KITCHEN SINK!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen..
the winner of this bout, as the result of a disqualification, due to illegal use
of a kitchen sink... SOME Guy... sorry SOEM GUY IN A
Well, they did say it was an
"Everything-BUT-the-kitchen-sink" match, I suppose. Anyway let's move
on to our main event.. and this should be an STWF Classic. For whatever that's
This contest is the
FUTILE FOUR-WAY match to decide the challenger for the Intergalactic Title
at Supercard IV!! Introducing at this time, the special guest referee...
(Flash enters to a
slightly better reaction than usual.)
Flanagan as referee? Why
He said he'd provide his
own striped shirt.
Introducing now, from
Richmond, Virginia, the former Intergalactic Champion... THE
(He enters to "Eye of the Tiger". Good reaction
for the former champ.)
Introducing second, from Kiev, Ukraine, SARGENT
(Genocide gets to the ring without too much incident,as
most of the fans trash was hurled at "Crude" Oil and the Rogue earlier
Now coming down the aisle, representing the Asylum
(The big man comes in to "Hall of The Mountain
King". Another good pop.)
And finally, also representing the Asylum Alliance, the
Intergalactic Champion... HOMICIDAL HANK!!
("Intergalactic" plays as the champ enters.
Spike the geranium is wearing a teeny-tiny little replica of the belt. Huge
Oh, and this match has been declared a LAST-MAN-STANDING
match.. go to it boys!
And we're under way... and as
expected, Genocide is swamped by the other three men right off the bat. Huge,
clubbing fists from Bohemoth send the Ukrainian down to the mat. Diving headbutt
by Hank. Elbow drop from the Tiger. Now he bounces off the ropes and Hank and
Bohemoth launch him into the air... Genocide on the receiving end of a spiked
in trouble early.. Hank drops a knee.. and catches Tiger inadvertently! Tiger rises to his feet and
drop-kicks the champ. Bohemoth and Genocide are struggling in one corner, Tiger
and Hank in the other. Genocide whips Bohemoth across the ring. OHH!! Just
creamed both Hank and the Tiger, who never saw him
Genocide picks up Hank. He wants that title shot all right. Eye
rake.. Powerslam into a cover.. 1..2.. kickout by Hank. Tigers getting to his
feet now.. Flying headbutt from Genocide sends him back down.. Genocide goes for
a hikarana on Hank... hank catches him.. POWERBOMB!! Hank covers 1...2.. kickout
by the sarge.
The Tiger grabs Hank and back
suplexes him. Bridges into a pinning combination..1..2.. Genocide drags Tiger
about Bo.. check it out.. hes on da top rope..
Bo goes for
the SMASHER!! Genocide spots him and drags Tiger into the path of Bo... Bohemoth
flattens him..1..2...3!!!! Tigers gone!
THE TIGER, has been
left now, as the Tiger limps back to the locker room.. no chance of a Hank/Tiger
Hank grabs Genocide and spins
him round.. Belly-to belly suplex. Hank and Bohemoth high-five in the center of
the ring.. and Bo clotheslines Hank!!
Hank and Bo
slugging it out now.. forearm smash from Bohemoth.. Hank gutkicks the big guy..
he's trying to bodyslam him!!!
got hisself a chair! Hank aint looking..
WHAM!! Hank gets the chair over
his back. He goes down hard.. Bo covers.. Genocide pulls him off.. Genocide
covers.. Bohemoth pulls him off.. Flanagan covers.. kickout by
getting a little excited I think.
Bohemoth picks up Genocide..
Gorilla presses the big man.. walks him over to the ropes and tosses him
shoulda moved dat dumpster..
Bohemoth turns to confront
Hank.. and Genocide pops out of the dumpster.. and hes got a..a... what is
I appears to
be the original script for James Camerons
weigh a ton!
Bohemoth gets the full weight of
that tome over his head, knocking him into the ring.. he's out
BOHEMOTH has been
We're down to Hank vs.
Genocide... Will the Gallery-ite get a title shot... or is StreetMime about to
get the biggest push in history?
think this'll last long.. they're pummeling each other in the ring.. the fans
are going nuts.. Leg sweep by Hank.. he straddles Genocide and begins a series
of closed fists to the face.. Genocide brings up the knee and Hank is
lowblowed!! They struggle to ther feet, and charge each other.. Flanagans in the
way... OH!! Double clothesline on "Flash"
Say what ya
want about him, he still takes a good bump..
Hanks first up.. he Grabs
Genocide.. Powerbomb onto the chair Genocide used earlier.. and he's going for
the Homicidal Hammer...This could be it... YES!!! He nails him .. covers... but
Flanagan is still down.. There's no-one to count...
out.. douga just jumped outa da fans.. he's got Spike!!
plantnapping Spike.. Oh, the humanity!
Thass not the type of pot
plant he normally likes..
Hanks spots douga and chases him
down the aisle... and here comes the Rogues Gallery from the back... Khorne,
Crude Oil, the Aboriginals.. they're all out there.. except Tres' Sheik. And
they fall on Hank like a pack of wild dogs.. He goes down under a rain of kicks
and punches.. Khorne puts on the Jiffypop neckbreaker..
Hank down to ringside and slams him into the side of the dumpster!! They roll
him back into the ring.. Genocide is up... ELIMINATOR!!ELIMINATOR!!!
ELIMINATOR!!! Cover by Genocide!
is your winner, as the result of a Typical Gallery Screwjob, SERGEANT
It's over.. and Genocide gets the title shot at Supercard
sources tell me that's the first time Hank has ever been pinned in his
Well, he has lost 102 matches by
DQ.. anyway.. we're out of time so for Jamal Tupac Mustapha and Captain
Twilight, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden saying so long, and don't forget
to order SUPERCARD IV!!!
Copyright 1999 Stereo
Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre