SO BIG IT HAD TO BE DONE IN TWO PARTS!
(More pyrotechnics call the audience back after the
intermission. The pyro is slightly weaker, as if we were going into hour 2
of Raw or something. A red carpet is placed on the entryway, and Girl
Friday comes out in a tight silver sequined outfit with matching top hat.
She does a little dance. The audience seems restless.)
Only in a PPV can Girl Friday get a captive
I wouldn't even go that far. Only at a
Yes, and we're back. As you can see, the ring attendants have placed the
"Moat" for the Ebola Moat match at ringside.
I was wondering what those wading pools were
And here come the attendants in those yellow space suits carrying the
diseased water. Apparently, Der Kommissaar was willing to spend the money
for Ebola, but the stupid Human Rights Commission had to step in and say
that the audience was in danger.
Dat's a ripoff!
Yeah, I would have said "screw the audience" too. So we've got the
"deadly" rhinovirus in there.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Isn't rhinovirus
just a fancy name for the common cold?
So the loser of this match basically gets a
It's more practical. You can wrestle with a cold. No time off for these
This is a Rhinovirus Moat Match and is set for one
fall. Entering first, from Newark, New Jersey and accompanied by
"Helena", representing the Head Trauma Club, here is NECRO
("Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty plays. Phil comes to ringside,
places the box on the Creepy Timekeeper's table, and enters the ring.)
His opponent, from Bolivar, Tennessee, accompanied by "Bob", representing
nobody in particular, here is IDENTITY CRISIS MAN!
(ICM enters wearing a red turtleneck and bowler hat, sporting a handlebar
moustache. Bob is dressed in a grey suit with a hat resembling the kind
Rudy used to wear on Fat Albert. "Bob" is also wearing glasses and smoking
a cigar. ICM pauses halfway down the aisle to knock the popcorn out of a
kid's hand before entering the ring.)
Who is Identity Crisis Man trying to
Necro Phil and Identity Crisis Busick in a collar-and-elbow tie up. Phil
is bounced against the ropes. Double leg takedown by ICM, and now he's
beating on Phil with those closed fists! The ref is warning him.
Fat lot of good that's going to do.
Big Bully Crisis Man on the receiving end of a hiptoss. Phil has slapped
on an armbar. Look at ICM squirm! He's reaching for the ropes...but Phil
just pulled him to the center of the ring!
How's 'e gonna get outta dis one?
Phil sees that he's not getting anywhere and breaks the hold. You could
also say he knows this match isn't supposed to exceed ten minutes. Wait,
backslide by ICM out of nowhere! 1...2...wow, that was TOO close.
I haven't seen a backslide in this fed
Don't Ask, Don't Tell?
That wasn't very helpful, Jamal.
Really! They didn't have a backslide in their
Big Bully with a clothesline. He goes for an elbowdrop. The lecherous
coroner blocks it with his semi-bionic elbow! Both men get hurt with THAT
one. Necro Phil applies a waistlock...ICM counters by kicking backwards.
This one could be over right here! Phil is being dragged over to that
That bright yellow clear plastic and those
friendly dinosaur heads don't look too dangerous, Vince.
One can never be too sure, Captain, NEVER. Phil is placed on the
Saved fo' a few mo' seconds.
Definitely a high-risk area. I think that Identity Crisis Bully will go
for some top-rope maneuver of some kind.
If we wanted insight like that, Der Kommissaar
would have hired Tony Schiavone.
Necro Phil has just grabbed ICM's trunks, he suplexes that Bully wannabe
over his back! There's a big splash as Identity Crisis Man flails in the
rhinovirus moat. Phil is losing his balance...I think he's going in
Where's my umbrella?
The winner of this match...NECRO PHIL!
Phil victorious, but both men will have a nice cold for a while.
Can I keep the box? Ooooh.
Necro Phil: Give me that! Did he hurt you, baby? There, there.
I dunno who's weirder.
Definitely the Timekeeper. That's one mystery solved. Well, our next
encounter should be a doozy. Claude Leroux, or should I say Bob Smith the
New Zealand sheepshearer, will take on the mighty, the massive, the
mmmm...Bohemoth. Okay, sue me, I couldn't think up another "m" word.
This contest is set for one fall. But you already knew
that. First, from either New Zealand or Moosebutt, British Columbia,
weighing 260 lbs. (if that IS his real weight), CLAUDE "LIGHTNING
Vic the Sound Guy: Uh...I didn't get a new song for this guy. Hold
The sound of a synthesizer playing "Shave and a
Haircut, Two Bits" is heard. Claude/Bob walks out to the eerie silence of
a finished song.)
His opponent, from Charleston, West Virginia, weighing in at 490 lbs.,
("In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg plays. Bohemoth rushes the
ring and rolls underneath the bottom rope. He immediately starts hammering
Claude with his white cane.)
Bohemoth, in blatant regard for the rules, tosses his cane aside and
switches to his forearms. Claude doesn't seem to have a chance here!
Claude? Ain't it Bob?
This is the biggest question mark for commentating since we found out that
SuperWrestler was Plemmy.
That's not true. They were always separate until
the very end. By then, he was fired and nobody cared.
Oh yeah. Anyway. Bohemoth with a big side suplex. Now he picks up the guy
from New Zealand. He's gorilla pressing him! 1...2...3...4...5...6 times!
This man's strength is amazing.
In my day, you weren't thought strong until you
could press a man 15 times. In fact, you were thought a wimp if you
Bob Smith is down. Bohemoth with a cover: 1...2...kickout! No
Ain't so unbelievable, V. My watch says only two
minutes gone by.
Really? Is there time to plug the next PPV? Yes, folks, Canada Day Chaos
is just around the corner - July 1st! And hopefully this time we'll all
remember what happened.
All I remember is waking up next to a beer keg
that smelled like vodka and a raccoon in a lace teddy.
Really? Same here! Except it was a G-string and pasties.
Alright, that does it. I've stayed quiet long
enough. This PPV is now rated TV-14. Kids, go to bed. I don't care if you
want to see Luke Warm.
Well, while we've wasted time not calling the match, "Lightning Clippers"
seems to have gained the upper hand. There's a lariat, and now he's going
up top for an Auckland Jam flying legdrop! Right on the money.
Wassup widdat? Auckland Jam?
Would you prefer I had said Moosebutt Jam?
Auckland's fine. Let's move on.
Yeah. The cover by Smith: 1...2...no. Bohemoth is up. He picks up Bob in a
bearhug position, now he's slamming the sheepshearer against his massive
chest over and over! The life is being taken out of Claude, ever so
slowly. And now he's been taken down is a variation of the
I t'ink Bohemoth gonna win, V.
Thanks, Jamal. He's only like the #1 contender to whoever wins the
Intergalactic Belt tonight. He's going to the top rope...it's SMASHER
time! And BOOM! There it is.
Say goodnight, son.
1...2...3. And Bohemoth in a lopsided victory. Claude Leroux didn't have a
chance, and neither did Bob Smith. Awww.
Yes, you did, Mustafa, and we're glad to see your knowledge of the bloody
obvious hasn't failed you.
Psss - stop that, V, I'm gonna blush
Uh...now we'll get to see what the Three Guys contingent of Pain and
Pleasure, Sir Hungalot and Jean Bannister, can do to combat the Techie
Salesmen from Hell.
A hotly-anticipated contest that I can only call
the sleeper hit of SUPERCARD IV.
What, did the ratings dip? You already said they've bought the whole
thing. And words won't salvage it if they've already changed the
This is a tag team contest. And relax, it's the last
one of the evening! (cheers) It's set for one fall! (cheers) Making their
way first...(cheers)...okay, that's it. I'm done. I'm not
getting paid overtime here.
What? Oh, that's just GREAT! Here are the Techie Salesmen from Hell, in
their red capes and...hockey jerseys? Okay, let's get this straight. Bait
in a Jaromir Jagr jersey and Switch with an Avalanche Fleury jersey.
Obvious psychological tactics against one Jean
And here come Pain and Pleasure, the adult film star and the hockey
enforcer, looking visibly upset. They're yelling some stuff that nobody
can hear because they're not wearing microphones.
Watch out for Edwina! She jus' blindsided
Edwina into the spirit of things too with her Modano jersey from the
Come on, where's the St. Louis Blues
Right, Cap. The Blues? Honestly.
(hangs head and mutters) well, I like
The Three Guys members are rolled into the ring. All three of the
Tri-Lambda Group are stomping away at these two. It's apparent that Pain
and Pleasure have won by disqualification. And here comes the
Pencil-Necked Geek, looking sporty in that Dominik Hasek jersey and
suspenders on top.
The Sabres? Oh, you must be joking.
Pain and Pleasure are still down and convulsing in the ring, winners
Do you think we'd let this opportunity pass us
by? What are we, idiots? Like you Canadians? What kind of a country of
morons deports people three times and accepts them back through
immigration three times? What kind of a cheap copycat-America country has
a school shooting in Taber, Alberta, killing one kid? You WANTED to be
Littleton, but of course, being Canadians, it just doesn't measure up.
What kind of country gives out free health care? Or re-elects Prime
Ministers who admit they went back on their promises? You people WISH you
Sir Hungalot: I'm not Canadian! (Edwina stomps him to quiet
Yeah, I'm sure you want to deny it now that I'm
telling the truth. Have you ever seen Canadian television? What the hell
is Traders? Nobody wants to see a drama about stockbrokers. And what's up
with the Friendly Giant, anyway? (boos from Canadians in the crowd - you
just don't knock the Friendly Giant) Okay, okay. But just to show you what
a heel I am...I won't be needing THIS anymore!
My God! That's an Oilers jersey autographed by
He's pulling out a matchbook and setting it on fire! He's throwing away
money that rich eccentric fanboys would pay him! But he doesn't care, the
boos are all he cares about now.
"Flash" Flanagan: Alright, Geek, that's enough out of you.
Flanagan is racing to the ring to the cheers of all. The Tri-Lambs
hightail it out. The Pencil-Necked Geek starts walking backwards with mic
still in hand.
This isn't over, Flanagan! Or my name
isn't...*mic shuts off*
Well, the Geek seems pretty angry but unfortunately we can't hear word one
of the rest of his rant. Flanagan is just making funny faces and flapping
his fingers to imitate a mouth.
And the crowd loves every second!
They SO easy to please.
Hey Jamal, he's in YOUR stable, boy. And it's the same audience that
*sniff* Thass cold, V. I juss wanna be
Even though this should be the big main events, believe it or not, we're
STILL recapping stuff! Screw you, pay-per-view consumers, SCREW YOU!
Our buyrates for Canada Day Chaos CAN'T be good
Anyhoo, Lenny "the Force" Baxter won by forfeit after "Big" Buck Johanson
got his antlers caught in the coat hangers of the cloakroom and no-showed.
He spent some time practicing his magic. The pen in the ref's breast
pocket spilled its ink, but that's about it. Lenny considered it a big
Petey the Peanut Guy vs. the Mad Cow ended in a no-contest. Boy, you
should have SEEN the brawl in the ring. Mad Force Five and Reno Inc.
both entered the ring. Well, the Mason didn't. Maybe he was too busy
courting Tiffany Lane? We don't know. But what an amazing brawl! Bodies
flying everywhere, they actually needed MOPS to clean up the blood, and
some lucky fans got souvenir teeth at ringside. Even a cow-tipping of
Madame Bovine. Afterwards, the fratboys who jumped the ring to
accomplish that were taken away by security and
later arrested, cavity-searched, and some other really nasty things were
done to them at the hands of some inmates who haven't seen women in a
long, long time.
We're BACK? Oh, come ON!
Yes, unfortunately. Of course, I would have liked some more details about
those fratboys, but we can't always get what we want. Okay, now we'll see
vs. Prisoner X. Who do you think will leave the STWF forever, Jamal?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Introducing first, the special guest referee for this
contest, your favourite running-back-with-a-falsetto and mine, CRAIG
Voiceover: But Ironhead, what's with this thingee?
(Heyward enters, with a big dopey grin on his face. It's obvious he hasn't
signed an STWF contract and thinks wrestling is a big stupid joke, just
like every other mainstream celebrity with the same big dopey grin. It's
true! Go watch old tapes if you don't believe me.)
Our first competitor, fresh from prison, accompanied by the Warden, sure
he hasn't been around in ages but that won't stop him from trying to
retire one of the most popular wrestlers in STWF history...PRISONER X!
(Hell's Bells by AC/DC. Prisoner X enters to a collective yawn.)
His opponent...the man who needs no introduction and for that reason I
won't give one...THE TIGER!
("Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. Crowd's cheers are deafening. Well,
somewhat deafening. It's not a big crowd. And the acoustics
suck. The Tiger enters, too.)
And look at the Tiger go! The Warden just has enough time to unlock the
handcuffs and hightail it out of the ring. The Tiger with a HUGE right
hand to the Prisoner's jaw. That rocked P-X right into a different time
zone. The Tiger wasting no time, he's gone right into a crossface
chickenwing! And his eyes are bugging out.
Such charisma. This guy could run for
That's the last thing we need here, Cap.
Maybe he could be Hogan's running
Hogan? What about Pat Buchanan, now THERE'S a
wholesome young man.
I don't even know if that was sarcasm. Ironhead Heyward is looking for a
submission...and he GOT one? What the hell?
The winner of this contest as a result of a
submission, THE TIGER!
Prisoner X: I never wanted to be in this stupid fed anyway. Thanks for
the match, Tiger. Now here's a little parting gift from me to you.
Omigawd! Prisna X is beatin' on da Tiger's left
knee wit' a lead pipe!
The Tiger could actually sustain a legitimate
In the STWF? Get out of here. But the Tiger does look really hurt, or he's
laughing, I can't tell. You never can. The Tiger getting up slowly with
the help of the ref, and security officials are escorting him to the
locker room. Ironhead looking around for somebody to give him a paycheck.
He showboats in the ring until he gets one.
Football players. Hunh.
Did I say last tag match of the evening? Well, I lied.
Hahahahaha! (boos) You see these two teams in the ring? The Ambulance
Jockeys? Spontaneous Human Combustion? They're fighting. For a belt which
neither of them possesses. Confused? I sure am. Anyone needs me, I'll be
in the bar.
Offscreen: Oh no you don't!
Here come Smooth and Crunchy, obviously upset
about the current state of affairs.
Petey: Damn right! Where do these guys get off wrestling for our belts?
We should at least get a chance to defend 'em. Three teams, first pinfall
Some discussin' among da two otha'
They seem to agree. This match is now...on!
Offscreen: Oh no you don't...squeeble.
The Head Trauma Boys are coming to ringside with
Dr. Zigmund Fraud! What do THEY want? Does it have something to do with
those RDWA tag belts they've got?
Flatline: Call 555-8181 ahr better yet, cahme ahn dahn! Hi Mom.
Dr. Fraud: What my clients are trying to zay iz, zey would like to unify
ze Doppelcrown mit these belts and zettle all zis tag nunzense once und
für alles, ja? Four teams, und first pinfall wins. Zound gut?
The other teams are laughing their heads off and beckoning. Sure, they'll
take that! And why wouldn't they, the Head Trauma Boys suck!
If they suck, how did they get the RDWA
If I could answer that, I'd be a booker.
***bell rings to signify the REAL match starting.
Well, we've got four teams to work with now. And any member of any team
can be tagged in, and the first pinfall wins. Scythe and Barry Brown will
start off because they were going to start the two-team match. Scythe with
a kick to the midsection. Barry sent back to the ropes. Garry pushes him
back into the fray. Barry instinctively puts a clothesline arm out, and it
works beautifully. Scythe is down. Barry is stomping away at the larger
combustible beast from Guyana. And a legdrop. The cover: 1...2...sorry,
not that easy. He pulls up Scythe by the mask. Cranial kick does little to
nothing. Scythe picks him up and throws him into the turnbuckle, where Mr.
Planters has been tagged. Planters reluctantly getting in.
I hope he's rested. This is not Mr.
Yeh, he been a regular BILL.
Mr. Planters sweeps Scythe's leg. Now he's going for a figure-four!
On Scythe? Man, he nuts.
Exactly - peanuts.
I was wondering when you'd get around to that stupid joke. And peanuts are
legumes, not nuts. You know how Petey reacts about that.
Unfortunately, we do.
Scythe easily breaks the Figure Four and laughingly tags in Coma. Even
monsters like that have a sense of humour it would seem.
They'd haveta, ta work here.
Planters chuckles to himself and inches closer. Coma does a pirouette or
six and sticks out a leg. Mr. Planters wasn't guessing that would happen
at all! But Coma can surprise you. Coma right now, trapped in some
demented ballet fantasy. Planters hitting him with everything he has. Coma
must have numbed nerves, or that part of his brain's shut off, because he
doesn't appear to feel any of it! The man in the large peanut suit,
exasperated, tags in Garry "the Gurney" Greene.
Things might get interesting now. Both teams
represented in the ring are members of the same stable
Mr. Planters: MMLLM?! Moooohhh, F<-BLEEP->mmfs fmmfppffsss
I'm amazed da cusses came out so
Garry still working on Coma though. Some kicks, some hits, an Asai
moonsault that seems oh so out-of-place here. Coma manages to get a Boston
Crab on Garry!
Will wonders never cease?
Garry struggling to get to a corner, any corner...he's moving towards the
Head Trauma Boys corner!
Can he do that?
First pinfall wins - never was stipulated that
someone couldn't pin his partner to win.
Implosion: Unga bung gungadug. (Subtitled: We should have thought of
Scythe: Gutunga bungabug? (Subtitled: Why is our language a bunch of pygmy
grunts when Guyana was under British rule?) (Yes folks, it's a remarkably
Flatline has been tagged in. Petey the Peanut Guy slapping his forehead at
the prospect of losing his belt.
SUPERCARD IV just wasn't a good outing for Smooth
and Crunchy, or Sister Deloris. Only the Reno Bros. did well for their
They'll do well in the future though; I'm almost positive of it! Flatline
flops over the top rope and lands in a pinning position over Coma.
1...2...3! And in one of the most pathetic moments of STWF history, the
Head Trauma Boys have collected what is effectively three belts, with some
smart planning by the Ambulance Jockeys as well.
Here are your winners, and NEEEEEEW STWF/MBPD/RDWA tag
team champions...*snicker* the HEAD TRAUMA BOYS! Bwahahahaha! Oh man, this
is too funny.
The Ambulance Jockeys doing those Elvis points and lifting up the HTBs on
This is wack. So who gets first shot and the
inevitable win over dem?
That's something the Ivory Tower should decide. The Circus Freaks? Smooth
and Crunchy? The Ambulance Jockeys in a "professional jealousy" angle?
Maybe the Rogue will have a say and submit one of his teams? It could be
Only three matches remain. Up next is Irving Goldstein against Jeffrey
Steingold, both of the mid-East Alliance.
This is a contest scheduled for one fall. Making their
way...together? From various spots in New York and accompanied by
Très Sheik, here are IRVING GOLDSTEIN AND JEFFREY
("Hava Nagila" plays. Both men enter the ring and grab
Irving: Oy oy oy! Hello kiddies! Now as you know, Jeffrey and I, we
have no feud anymore but this match was booked some time ago. Sure we
COULD have a legitimate match...
Jeffrey: But we decided we'll just let the time limit expire. And we'll
sing you some nice Yiddish songs. Or maybe Fiddler on the Roof! Whattaya
(sings) Away above my head, I see a curious sight, a fiddler on the roof,
he's up there day and night. He fiddles when it rains, he fiddles when it
snows, I've never seen him leave, yet on and on he goes.
(jumps onto the apron) Ref! Here's a
hunned-fitty bucks. Make the time limit draw thirty seconds.
That wasn't very nice, Jamal, he didn't even get to the chorus! But the
ref is happy to take the money and time-limit draw this match.
Irving: What? It's over? Our filibuster done? What goy did this to us?
I'll...I'll...oy, I forget. Come on, Jeffrey, Sheekie, let's go to Swiss
Très Sheik: It's not very elegant, but since you're paying, who am
I to turn it down?
What IS it wit' old people an' Swiss
Don't ask me, I hate chicken.
Well, now that that "match" is done...let's continue to something fun. A
"rickety easel" match. Who will climb the easel and become, or stay, the
North American Champion? Luke Warm? douja? Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants? Or
the Violent Pacifist?
This is really the Pacifist's kind of match. You
don't need a lot of contact, just skill and good balance. The VP has
Much as I hate to say it, I t'ink douja's got
Okay, we'll put those up on the old tote board, and take it to Announcer
(on phone) I'm wearing a tux, why? Can I what? No, why
would I want to...listen, I think you have the wrong number... NO, I'M NOT
THAT WAY, damn you Jenny Jones! DAMN YOU! (clicks phone shut) This contest
is a "rickety easel" match for the North American Championship. First,
from Naples, Italy, DR. SILLACONNE M. PLANTS!
("A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow plays. Dr. Plants sizes up
the easel and looks at the belt hanging above it.)
Next, from Seattle, Washington, THE VIOLENT PACIFIST!
("Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. VP is shaking hands on his way down.)
Thirdly, from Parts Forgotten, the Gallery-ite, douja!
(douja zigzags his way to the ring, avoiding every piece of garbage thrown
at him. You just can't hit a moving object that shifts direction so
And finally...the current North American Champion...from the Hubcap
(Stuff breaking is heard. Luke Warm is coming out with a snack tray,
swarmed by canaries - we think they're attracted to his Yoo-Hoo. He grabs
one of them...)
STONECUTTER! STONECUTTER ON THE CANARY! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! NO
ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE TAPING OF SUPERCARD IV!
Luke Warm wheels out his snack tray and reveals all those treats inside.
He's got it all: salty, sweet, everything to satisfy a case of the
No big surprise that douja is running to the tray
and gorging himself. But he's so thin, where does it all go?
I'll get y'all a book about it.
This match is effectively down to three people trying to grab that belt.
The Rogue meanwhile is trying to coax douja to get back in this. He's not
trying too hard though.
I think he's still betting on Genocide to win
that Intergalactic belt.
Could very well be. The Violent Pacifist and Luke Warm are locked up. VP
with a figure-four armbar. Now Luke Warm is down with his elbow pinned
above his head and his back arched. Believe me, that's painful. VP putting
some knees to Luke's ribs.
Still pretty humane, wouldn't you say?
I say he'd better watch out because Dr. Plants is ready to climb that
rickety easel. The Pacifist backs off and kicks the easel down. Sillaconne
tumbles. That was close!
Heaven forbid these matches are short.
Oh, they're plenty short. Have you ever seen those other feds? One match
takes up 24K of hard drive space? And...uh...what was I talking about?
Yo' extramarital affair.
Right. And you should SEE Louise. I mean, DAMN! Legs up to her chin. Good
thing I can always say I'm meeting with Der Kommissaar about the next
card and my wife doesn't have a...hey, wait a doggone minute...
The Violent Pacifist meanwhile is trying to get
up that easel. It's only two steps, officially. But it's rickety. Luke
Warm grabs the Pacifist by the collar and slams him down, kind of like a
small superplex. Luke gives a thumbs-up on the turnbuckle for more crowd
Like he needs it, CT.
(on phone) I was just kidding, honey! I really AM meeting with Der
Kommissaar. And Louise means nothing to me. What, you want to know about
that red silk bra in my underwear drawer? Uh...it's mine?
Luke Warm going up that easel...but he's
teetering...he can't get his balance, the easel is falling, but even
still...STONECUTTER! STONECUTTER ON THE EASEL!
Is dere anything he won't Stonecutter fo'
Luke Warm is rolling out of the ring! I think he thinks this match is
Luke Warm: Two Stonecutter-per-match contract. I'm done.
What about defending your North American
Luke running back to the ring, but he's a smidge
too late. Sillaconne M. Plants just dumped VP from the ring...he's halfway
up the easel...he's on the top now...he jumps! Luke tackles the easel, but
Dr. Plants gets a hold of it and he's hanging on! Plants drops...(crowd
gasps) he's got the belt!
Here is your winner, and NEEEEEW North American
Champion, DR. SILLACONNE M. PLANTS!
What a match. douja seems filled and enters the ring.
douja: A'ight, I ready to go..huh huh..
Is it all good on your end, Vince?
Yeah, talked my way out, good thing I married pretty and dumb.
And now...the big show...the match of the
century...Sergeant Genocide vs. Homicidal Hank.
I can't wait. And neither can our competitors! They run out here without
even waiting for Announcer Lad, who springboards out of the ring and slams
his head on the Spanish Announcers' table! The table broken in half. It
wouldn't be a SUPERCARD without that.
Would'a been nice if it was a
True, but I'll take Announcer Lad over nobody to take a bump. Hank with a
chop to the throat. Genocide winces a bit. Hank with a reverse
neckbreaker. He hooks the leg right away: 1...kickout. Forget it, the Top
Rung won't be beaten so quickly. Genocide is up. He covers Homicidal
Hank's eyes with his beret. Cheap shot after cheap shot! Bulldogging
headlock now. And elbowdrops placed with clockwork precision. He's truly
the champion of the "smart mark"s.
Oh, there's no such thing. Ask Mark
And who made HIM the authority? Genocide with a stomp - Hank grabs the
foot and turns it over. Genocide topples over and puts his arms over the
top rope for support. Hank choking the Sarge with the top rope! 1-2-3-Hank
backs away. Sergeant looks angry now. He grabs Hank and there's a BIG
Nothin' small about this guy... I mean rasslin'
wise... I mean... oh, juss fo'get it.
Hank with a Sunset Flip...Genocide is down! 1...2...Genocide gets out by
pincing Hank's head with his feet. The Ukranian Monster has Hank in a
vulnerable position. Boston Crab? Sharpshooter? Slingshot? Headbutt to the
Come on, headbutt!
Headbutt it is!
YES! Pay up, Mustafa.
I still say it ain't fair seein' as you read da
Hank covering his groin, but that's closing the gate after the horse has
already left...or is it putting the cart before the horse?
Do I look like I know horse proverbs?
Hey V, I t'ink you want "he looked a gift horse
in da mouth." OW! Man, quit doin' that, you oppressin' me, Cap.
Sorry, it's just you deserve it so
Hank is up. Lowblow by Hank! Now both men have similar injuries, and we've
got a level playing field! Spike is now up on the apron and boy is he
looking frustrated! Genocide bounces off the ropes, tripped by Spike! Hank
will resort to any tactics to get ahead and keep that belt.
You realize that Spike is a potted
Hank turns Sarge over, the cover: 1...2...no. Sergeant Genocide is up, and
Spike is smashed right in Hank's face! Hank is blinded with soil, and
shocked to boot. The Rogue with an evil grin right now.
Dis card finally gonna be over?
Looks that way...there's the setup...ELIMINATOR! What a dark day for the
I'll say...Head Trauma Boys?
Sergeant Genocide with a one-foot-salute-cover: 1...2...3! A terrible end
to a better-than-average card.
(Sergeant Genocide is handed the belt. He lifts it up,
and "Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys plays. The Rogue's Gallery comes
in and gives him the big lift on the arms. Aboriginal 1 has the Ukranian
flag and starts waving it around as they move to the locker
Well, that's all for this card. I hope you enjoyed it despite this ending.
For Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa, this is Angus "Vince"
McMadden saying goodnight, and thanks for ordering SUPERCARD IV! Now get
off our property.
©1999 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo
Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre