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(Generic pay-per-view opening.)
Welcome everyone to Heart-Breaking Hell! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, along with as always Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa.
What a great free-for-all we had! Ben Matera beats Peter Thompson in TEN SECONDS!
Well yeah, but all Matera did was rip off Thompson's tourniquet, and Peter was already bleedin' at the time!
I still say it was great. Our first match is a six-man tag. Cube and the Forces of Justice vs. Rogue's Gallery reps Très Sheik and the Aboriginals. No entrances for this entire card, these fans want to see BLOOD!
Judge and A2. Judge with a series of uppercuts. Judge whips A2 to the buckle, goes for a clothesline, A2 ducks, goes to his corner and tags A1.
WHAT?! He didn't do a damn thing in there!
Being careful not to bleed, I guess.
A1 with a cross-face chickenwing on Judge. Submissions don't count, so I have no idea what A1 is doing. Judge gets out of the hold, and a footsweep and legdrop by Judge. No blood. Judge tags Cube. A1 is ready, some nice shots to the face of Cube.
Good strategy. The face is the best bleeding part. A1 wailing on Cube's nose. Cube is safe from bleeding for now though. Cube with a dropkick to A1's head... A1 is holding his nose, and the ref runs to check. A1 was just kidding! The Rogue's Gallery laughs. Both men make the tag. Preacher vs. Sheik now. Preacher with an enzuigiri on Sheik. Sheik goes down. Preacher picks him up and hammer throws him out of the ring. Sheik seems to like it there. Preacher attempting a suicide plancha...Sheik picks up his hookah just as Preacher flies over the rope... Preacher smashes right into the hookah face first! Sheik rolls Preacher into the ring...rolls in himself. The ref checks, and Preacher has a gash on his forehead.
Here are your winners, TRÈS SHEIK AND THE ABORIGINALS!
Let's get right to it. Gruff vs. Distruct.
Gruff charges at Distruct. Gruff with a reverse DDT...now a regular DDT! The ref checks, but Distruct is clean. Distruct attempts something...but Gruff dodges it. Gruff, the big Brummie, with a piledriver. Gruff is ON FIRE!
Wow. Distruct is really out of it.
Well, he's in plenty of feds, and doin' fine there. He's just overworked, I guess.
Or STWF wrestlers are just of a higher caliber.
Don't go there.
I agree. Don't go there, Cap. Gruff leaves Distruct and removes a turnbuckle cover. The bolt is gleaming nicely. Gruff picks up Distruct in a battering-ram position...HEAD FIRST INTO THE BOLT! The ref eagerly checks...NO BLOOD!
Pure luck on the part of Distruct.
Gruff is furious. He's about to whip Distruct to the buckle...Distruct REVERSES, this looks bad for Gruff...Gruff reverses back and Distruct's back hits the bolt! Gruff with an avalanche! Distruct is face down on the canvas with a big red blotch on his back.
Some red on the bolt too. And hey, what's that chunk?
Here is your winner, GRUFF!
Rimshot is ecstatic. And why shouldn't he be? The Entertainment Industry is finally looking up! Gruff wheels Rimshot away. Now our third match features Pedro Chang "The Chinese Spic" as he faces Michael Wackson. This was normally a contenders' match, but since the ICCTINACBBIC belt is vacant, this is just a plain ol' match. Both men waiting at ringside for officials to clean up the mess Distruct made - you just HAD to ROLL out, didn't you, Distruct?
(Lights go out. They come back on, and the Keeper is behind them.)
PLUM! I have waited long enough. Bring me the Boy, or these two will pay.
Second time Wackson will get it from the Keeper. It could be because of Anarchy. Chang, on the other hand, is guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I suppose.
Your time is up, Plum.
He double-chokeslammed them! Pedro Chang lands with the back of his neck on the security barrier! Wackson lucked out and landed in the crowd. But it looks like neither man is going to be competing today.
This match has been declared a NO CONTEST! (Boos so loud Edison, NJ can hear it.)
This is not makin' Sugarplum Harry and more popular.
So what's next on the agenda, Angus?
Actually, we're going to do Sir O.'s retirement ceremony.
Sir O. is in the ring now. A whole bunch of wrestlers are at ringside. We've seen some of them from that big match at Monster Bash when they came to support DOOM.
Sir O.: Before I begin tonight, I would like to thank Der Kommissaar and the Right Hand Man for allowing me in the beginning to bring my talent to this very popular wrestling federation called the S. T. W. F. (entire crowd screams the letters while it's said). Secondly, I'd like to thank all my wrestlers for coming to support me in my decision tonight. Andrew "Muscle Man" Travis, 2 Time nWf World and North American Champion; Barry "Hairy" Johnson, 2 Time nWf Gravest Wrestler Champion; the SouthSliders-"Lazer" Lamont and Eleven Crash; Nashville's Most Wanted-Tim "the Outlaw" McGraw, Travis "Bulletproof" Tritt, the reigning HCW Tag Team Champions; Stealth Bomber, most recently the STWF Intercontinental Cruiserweight "This is Not A Championship Belt But It's Close" belt Champion; Thai-One; and last, but certainly not least, Cube. You have all been great prot´gés to mold in order to prosper, but as I did in the nWf, I must also do so here.....and that is, I must officially retire from the STWF/CSTLL. Others I'd like to commend tonight are fellow Unholy Alliance members Doom, former champion of many divisions and federations; Dr. Snare; the Dark Horsemen - Tower and Minnatour, former tag team champions in many divisions of nWf; Rytox; Knott; the now-missing Messenger Boy; the Keeper; and especially, the brilliant managing duo of Kandi and Mr. James J. Dillon. Without these men and this woman, the Unholy Alliance would cease to exist. I guess I should also commend Distruct for joining the Unholy Alliance in nWf, even though it was after my departure. It pleases me to know that Stealth Bomber will be well managed by Kandi and well advised by Doom and Dr. Snare. To all of you and to all the fans of STWF, I say that, yes, the pleasure has been mine, but at the same time as always, the pleasure.....has been all yours. But before I leave the STWF/CSTLL entirely, I must issue one final challenge.....Rogue, El Presidente, I want to wipe the ring with you punks tonight, and that isn't a point of argument, it is an order!!!!!
Oh my! Sir O. wants to FIGHT the Rogue and El Presidente?
(Rogue's Gallery theme music plays. The Rogue enters with Col. "Pops" Khorne.)
(The Mexican Hat Dance plays. El Presidente enters.)
Is this sanctioned?
NO! Only on PPV, I tell you. Sir O. rips off his suit to reveal wrestling trunks. He's been waiting for this, for a long time. The Rogue and El Presidente exchange glances and grin. They both rush Sir O.! Sir O. drops El Presidente with one blow. The cigar he's smoking rolls out of the ring. An official puts it away, it could be a fire hazard! The Rogue is a lot bigger, though, and Sir O. will have a tougher time. The Rogue and Sir O exchanging rights and lefts. El Presidente is up... he grabs Sir O. from behind. The Rogue winding up...Sir O. ducks and the Rogue nails El Presidente! He can't believe it! Sir O. with a bulldogging headlock on the Rogue!
Wow, Sir O. has a lot of untapped potential...
...for his age.
Age doesn't matter...I'm 81, remember?
Sir O. really going to town on these two. But wait...here comes Cube! He must want a piece of the action! Or to congratulate Sir O. See, I was right. They're shaking hands!
CUBE JUST HIT SIR O.!
Cube removes his garb - he's wearing a Mexico Unlimited T-shirt!
Allow me to introduce to jhoo...the newest khmember of Mehico Onlimited...KOOBE! Juar juar juar!
I don't believe it! I just don't believe it! Cube joining Mexico Unlimited...why? Well, no one else likes this at all. Here come the Unholy Alliance to give Cube what for! Andrew Travis is in there! Eleven Crash is in there! Everyone's rushing the ring! Here come the rest of Mexico Unlimited.
An absolute brawl here, folks! Ring officials are directing them all back to the locker room.
We've got to get to our next match. Bohemoth vs. Mr. Rage.
We've been informed right now, that Mr. Rage is planning to leave us for a while after this match. Apparently, he's going to be doing some work in Japan. Generation X will follow him, but will have a match on Friday's card first. Bohemoth with a belly-to-belly on Rage. Rage with an eye gouge! Bohemoth replies with the same! Bohemoth with a BIG headbutt on Rage! That miner's helmet must have done some damage... Rage is still unbloodied. Rage pulls out a pocket knife from his boot! This is going to get ugly folks...the ref is reprimanding Rage, saying weapons aren't allowed! Rage doesn't seem to care! Bohemoth neither! Rage slams the ref, who is now out cold. Bohemoth grabs his white cane. This match just turned into a bunkhouse match!
Oh, bunkhouse has been done. How long ago was the 'Blivion Brawl?
Rage swings at Bohemoth. Bohemoth whips the knife away with his cane...and now Bohemoth is the only one with a weapon. He cracks the cane over Rage's head! The cane snaps in half! Rage takes the jagged cane bits and pokes Bohemoth with 'em! Bohemoth is bleeding now, but the ref is out! How will this match end? Bohemoth thinks quick. He rubs his blood all over Rage's body, and takes off his coveralls.
Aw MAN! That sight should be outlawed!
ThatGuy coming to ringside to help him clean up his wound. He now goes to wake up the ref...the ref sees Bohemoth's blood on Rage, and calls the match!
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match...BOHEMOTH!
Dirty cheating, but it gets a win for Bohemoth. Bohemoth does get a title shot next week on Monday Nae Trous, either against the Keeper or Anarchy, whomever wins.
Next up...the Circus Freaks are scheduled to fight the Dangerous Bombs, Dynamite Raider and Dangerous Jack Means. The Circus Freaks are in the ring now... where are the Dangerous Bombs?
I dunno...but didn't they say they were leavin'?
Well, the ref can't wait any longer.
The winners of this match, as a result of a forfeit, THE CIRCUS FREAKS!
Kinda lucky...Dizzy D's head looks like it could bleed any second, with all those sores and stuff.
Here come Mark and Chris, the Bad Asses. They're not scheduled to be here.
No, they're not! So why are they coming to the ring? A brawl has ensued. Mark and Chris, Sasquatch and Dizzy Desi, all in the ring, something's got to give!
Too bad it ain't a real match. These guys could really do sum'n together given half a chance.
Mark and Chris give their signature maneuver to the Dizzy one!
I'm sure the audience wants to know what it's called.
I don't want to say it.
Well, I will. The Bad Asscutter. See? Not so hard.
Mmm. Sasquatch now applying the Saskatchewan Stomp to Chris, and Mark hightails it out of there! Chris luckily, makes it out just in time. They're laughing, and it's hard to tell just WHO got the upper hand in that confrontation.
We've just received word that something is happening in the back...let's take you to it.
(Shot of the locker room. The Vegas Connection are laid out on the floor, and the Indestructibles are there with the Rogue.
Hello again, worthless rednecks! Proving our superiority once again! Inevitables, you wanted to face the Vegas Connection? They're in no condition. HA-LA! My Indestructibles, on the other hand, are more than willing to show you just what the tag team scene is up against! And guess what, the Right Hand Man has the contract already signed! You're fighting us, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it! We've got the power, baby, 'cause we own the WORLD! HA-LA!
Inevitables can't like THAT too much.
No indeed. And guess what? Their match is up next!
I sure wouldn't want to be Harbinger or Therriault right now. Both teams are now in the ring...we're going to wait for the boos to die down before the...
Chris Powell and Harbinger to start things off. Harbinger goes for a clothesline, but Powell not budging. Harbinger to the top rope, a dropkick! Nothing. Harbinger with a low blow! The ref warns him, but Powell says no, and just points his finger and laughs at HoD. Powell picks up Harbinger with one hand and takes him into a neckbreaker! Powell now wearing him down with the Million Dollar Dream sleeperhold! Submissions don't count, but do you think these guys care? Harbinger looks spent. Powell with a shoulderbreaker on Harbinger. A bootlace scrape by Powell! Harbinger is still clean...and Duane Diamond D is tagged in. Duane Diamond D spends some time flexing for the crowd. The Rogue is beaming, but the crowd doesn't seem too impressed. Triple-D with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! He now goes for the "Inflammation" middle-knuckle spine rake, a move Judge made famous. He's now going for a Dislocator!
OW! That had to hurt. I mean, when somebody grabs your mandible from the inside and yanks down...OUCH!
Harbinger manages to tag Gérard S. Therriault, who doesn't look too thrilled about being in there. Harbinger is checking his jaw... it's hard to tell if it's bleeding from here. Duane Diamond D picks up Taxes and flings him into the corner, where Therriault's face meets Powell's elbow. Diamond now takes Therriault and flings him into the Inevitables' corner! Harbinger is knocked off the apron, and a thin stream of blood comes shooting out of Harbinger's mouth.
Oh, this match is so over it's not funny.
Here are your winners, THE INDESTRUCTIBLES!
With that win, the Indestructibles sneak into the number 3 contenders spot. Should they beat Generation X on Friday...they become the number one contenders. Scary.
On to the next match. El Spheros takes on the Executioner. Executioner in the ring, and El Spheros rolls up the ramp to start the match.
Executioner really taking it to El Spheros to start things off. El Spheros, the former STWF champion, and former NWF IC champion, takes a boot to the head. El Spheros goes for his reverse Frankenspheros, and lands it nicely. El Spheros now bouncing on the Executioner...Exec rolls away on the second bounce. El Presidente and Cube are at ringside... Exec could be in trouble here! El Presidente reveals his lead pipe...he's about to smash the Executioner...the Executioner grabs the pipe and nails El Presidente with it! Now he's going after Cube!
Cube takes a pipe to the head. Executioner loses the pipe, and this match is back underway. Executioner with a swinging neckbreaker. The cover: the ref reminds Exec of the rules. Executioner kneels beside Spheros' head, and starts punching him in the face! That's legal here, folks.
Spheros rolls out of the way...Spheros with a barrel-roll at Exec as only El Spheros can do...Executioner is down. Spheros going to the top rope for the Super Super Spheros Spinning Splash!
Look at all those rotations. Executioner gets up and catches El Spheros! He jumps onto the top buckle in one bound, and here comes the Death Sentence!
Right on the Spanish table! El Presidente is yelling at Executioner for his obvious disrespect of the Mexican culture.
El Presidente dropped on his head again. He's going to feel this all tomorrow.
El Spheros' mask can't be seen from all the blood. He's leaking like a faucet!
Here is your winner...THE EXECUTIONER!
And the executioner swipes the number 2 contention for the Heavyweight Belt. He only has to go through DOOM now, until he gets the chance at Ironman he came here to get.
Surprisingly incoherent remarks from Captain Twilight, folks. Well, we're all stunned. The title matches are up next! We'll start with the tag match. The Warrior Gods and Generation X are in the ring now.
Tyr and Jimmy Cain to begin this match. Tyr with the big arm-stump into Jimmy Cain's chest. Cain is seriously winded! Cain musters up enough strength to fall on Tyr's knee, and Tyr is down, grasping his knee. The ref is counting them out: 1...2...3...4...
Hey, V, I thought you said that the match in't over 'till somebody bleeds!
But if both men are down, nobody can compete at all! Think, Jamal! 6...7...Tyr is up and tags Thor. Thor with a big splash on Jimmy Cain. He goes to the middle rope for another one! Thor takes his tag belt and puts it across Cain's face. The legdrop coming your way...] NO! Cain moves away, and swipes the belt, hitting Thor with it! The ref takes the belt and throws it out of the ring. Cain tags Cartel. Cain gives Thor a belly-to-back. Impressive display of power! Cartel in now with a shooting star press! Cartel stomps on Thor's face...but Thor does not bleed.
Oh no! The Indesctructibles are BACK! I think they're looking to do some more damage!
For pure damage potential, they're right up there wit' da Keeper!
Duane Diamond D and "Crushing" Chris Powell drag Generation X out of the ring. They motion to the back, where the rest of the Gallery set up steel tables! Duane picks up Jimmy Cain, and Chris Powell takes Cartel...and it looks like piledrivers...OUCH! These guys took Generation X with so much force, the steel tables snapped! They toss the fallen bodies back in the ring. Cartel and Cain now both look like redheads. The ref is confused, remembering if they really WERE redheads I think. He remembers they weren't, and this match is over.
Here are your winners, and STILL tag team champions, THE WARRIOR GODS!
Well, I would think that Generation X had a chance, but the Indestructibles give that idea the big thumbs-down.
I can't wait to see those two teams do it again on Friday.
It's time for the most anticipated match of the night, so much so that the Heavyweight belt match pales in comparison! Anarchy vs. the Keeper. But first, the Keeper has something to say.
PLUUUUMMMM! WHEEEEERRRRRE IIIIIIS THE BOYYYYYYYYYY?!
Sugarplum Harry's on the Monstron!
Harry: (mocking the Keeper) AFFFFFTEEEEERRRR THIIIIIIS MAAAAATCH!
You don't want to make the Keeper mad like that, I wouldn't think. Anarchy starts off by giving the Keeper a DDT. The Keeper gets up, and already he has a suspiciously straight cut along the middle of his forehead.
You don't think he'd blade just to get the Boy back, do you?
The Keeper just threw something aside. It glints like a blade...WE'VE BEEN HAD! The Keeper and Anarchy are laughing and shaking hands.
The clay golems are coming to ringside, and the Boy is being carried between them. Sugarplum Harry follows close behind, sprinkling dust around.
Here is Messenger Boy...alive and well.
The Keeper: This pleases me. But now....WHY?!
Harry: You see, taking your manager would ensure that you would have less focus, and allow Anarchy to retain his belt.
Keeper: I chose to blade, hoping that was the reason you took the Boy.
Anarchy: For you see...you both had something else to do with it...didn't you.
Harry: Yes. Anarchy, I choose to ally myself with you.
Keeper: Anarchy, I choose to do the same. Together, we are all unstoppable!
Harry: And you morons BOUGHT that whole Keeper rampage bit? We just did that so we could beat people up pretending there's a reason! HAHAHAAHAH!!
And as for Michael Wackson...he's fine. Why else would he land safely in the crowd as I let him?
(Michael Wackson enters. He's jumping around, and smiling.)
Michael Wackson: See? No biggie! But now, we part of the biggest thing in the STWF right here.
Well, we were ripped out of a match, but a new stable has been forged right here, and already, they have a belt. I'm amazed. And I must admit, I never saw it all coming.
Our final match this evening is for the STWF Heavyweight belt. IRONMAN faces DOOM.
Domenic Oliver strangely not here. IRONMAN seems to have gained 20 lbs., and it's all muscle. DOOM has his work cut out. Ironman knocks DOOM over with a clothesline. DOOM gets right back up. He doesn't seem to have felt it at all! Kandi and Stealth Bomber at ringside. Ironman is a little outnumbered today.
And Pedro Chang ain't in no shape to help out his mentor.
DOOM picks up IRONMAN for a sidewalk slam. DOOM climbs the top rope with IRONMAN, and superplex! Both men right back up...Ironman with a forearm shiver on DOOM. Ironman rope-burns DOOM. The ref checks...DOOM's face is red... but not bloody.
Well, you can't expect five-minute victories for a championship match.
Even if it's pretty easy to make someone bleed if you want 'em to.
IRONMAN and DOOM clawing at each other's faces. DOOM gets away, and kneelift right to the face of IRONMAN. Ironman with a fury of martial-arts kicks, and a knee to the nose. DOOM is still clean. DOOM goes for a moonsault...missed by a mile. Ironman grinds DOOM's face into the canvas, hoping something will give. Nothing does. Ironman and Doom both go for a punch, which IS legal here folks. Both men nail each other in the teeth! Neither man wearing a mouthpiece. Both men bleeding from the gums....the ref has to make a call here...
Ladies and gentlemen, this match has ended in a DRAW! STILL the STWF Heavyweight Champion...IRONMAN!
Well, DOOM must be ready for another shot...but first, I think he's ready for some dental work.
Folks, we're out of time. We hope you enjoyed Heart-Breaking Hell. Thanks for ordering. On behalf of Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, saying goodnight!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre