Monday Nae Trous - Shut Up and Take It
(Pan Interior of the Slobberknocker Arena. Vinnie
Mansbridge isn't looking too good. He also looks depressed because that
midget woman is having a one-sided discussion of the pros and cons of the
Fabulous Freebirds with him.)
Hey peeps, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, the women's treat and the men's
defeat, so let's open this card up and make it squeal like a pig!
Are you feeling alright, Vince? You're acting
like an idiot.
Just reading the teleprompter. Maybe we got some new, hip, writers. I
notice you're speaking a little differently, Cap. Less fuzzy, more
browser-safe.
What? No, just these throat drops. Finally
cleared up that final piece of phlegm that's been bugging me for
years.
Man, we don't need to hear dat!
Right. Folks, this is Jamal Tupac Mustafa as always. He's a face, so cheer
him while we keep insulting him behind our backs.
You just mad 'cause I gots a T-shirt and y'all
don't.
Well, here's one thing none of us have right now: PANTS! Yeah, when was
the last time you heard we weren't wearing pants, huh? It is a Nae Trous
card after all, and if you don't understand, ask the Mason.
But that's not important. We're going to start
things off as Lenny "the Force" Baxter takes on Très Sheik in some
kind of unofficial tournament deal.
I'm boycotting my announcements at this card because
the impostor who appeared as me on the Jenny Jones program has ruined my
image forever. It's not me, I tells ya, it's NOT! I don't sound like that,
I don't look like that, and Sergeant Genocide is about as appealing to me
as Nicole Bass. Who by the way IS also a man, if you were
wondering.
No she i'n't!
How would YOU know?
So if you want to find out what these people weigh and
where they're from, you're not getting it from me! (tosses mic to ground,
emitting an loud squeal of feedback)
There cues "Supermodel", and out comes Très Sheik, surprisingly
alone. Where's all his Gallery-ite buddies?
My guess is they're teaching him a lesson about
respecting your manager and your stable.
And there's "Carmen", by Coma. A lot more "squeep"s and "wobble"s than is
artistically necessary, in my humble opinion.
Y'all just don't have any 'preciation fo' da
classics.
That's true, I'm no opera buff. I'm just buff, and I'll prove that to
Col. Khorne at SUPERCARD IV, in that left-handed arm-wrestling
contest.
***bell rings.
Lenny Baxter gets in the first hit. Big headbutt. Side headlock by Baxter,
he bulldogs it.
He's working on that head like a pro.
You betcha. He tries to poke Sheik in the eyes with two fingers, but the
Exorbitant Arab with the classic hand-blade block in front of his
nose. He knows every counter in the game, it would appear. Sheik now on
the offensive, he sends Lenny for the ride, big boot to the face by
Très Sheik. Sheik with a nice elbowdrop and here's a cover:
1...2...no.
I thought he had him for sure!
Well, tough. Baxter and Sheik in a tie-up. Baxter rolls backward and
catapults Sheik right to the buckle. The Exorbitant Arab with a face full
of quarter-pillow! How much more pain can you take?
Who, me? Bout as much as a kick to da groin
without cryin'.
Let's test that theory.
It ain't a theory. Hey, man, getcho stank foot
away from me.
Captain Twilight, please control yourself. Sure we've all fantasized about
kicking Jamal below the belt, but we're semi-professional commentators
here. Sheik with a BIG superplex from out of nowhere! 1...2...so
close.
I thought he had him for sure!
Uh...yeah, whatever. Lenny Baxter sweeps the leg and down goes Sheik.
Lenny Baxter exits the ring, he's got a chair! The ref is sitting in the
corner and reading an old issue of Pro Wrestling Illustrated.
Looking for officiating tips, no
doubt.
How come I got left off dat 500 list, but
Flanagan makes it?
Simple. You've wrestled once in the past year, and even though you won,
let's face it, you suck. Lenny puts the chair to the Sheik's noggin! Oh
my, what a hit, and that blood capsule taped to the chair really did the
trick. Here's the cover:......I said, here's the cover! Come on, ref, get
in there! 1...2...3!
Lenny "the Force" Baxter victorious. He's not
done, he's trying to do the Head Explody on Très Sheik! Sheik
doesn't seem fazed. He just sprays Lenny's face with his "Eau de Camelle"
and leaves Baxter covering his eyes in agony as he saunters
off.
Now THAT'S classy.
Absolutely. Let's take you to earlier tonight, before our broadcast, when
a pre-boycott Announcer Lad tried to get a few words with Luke
Warm.
(shot of a door with a gold star on it and a little placard reading "Luke
Warm". Announcer Lad knocks on the door)
Mr. Warm? Luke? Can we get a word please?
(He tries the door, it opens and we see Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants with a
syringe in hand, backing away from a bottle of Yoo-Hoo on the
counter.)
Dr. Plants? What are YOU doing in Luke's
room?
Sillaconne: I just wanted to wish him good luck. But I see he's not
here, so I'll be on my way.
What's with the syringe and this pinhole in the lid of
the Yoo-Hoo bottle?
Sillaconne: I don't have time to answer these questions. Time is money.
Out of my way, I've got important doctor-type stuff to do.
You getting all this, Kamera Kid?
Kamera Kid: I hope so. The lens cap's off, right?
How interesting. I have no idea what that was all about.
Indeed. Why would we need to know that Dr.
Plants just missed wishing good luck to Luke Warm, and then walks out of
the room?
Got me. I cain't figger it out either.
Well, never mind. Our next match is a tag team encounter, as Don't Ask,
Don't Tell take on the Chosen Ones in what should be an epic.
"Epic" meaning what exactly?
I'll get a dictionary and get back to you. Well there goes "We Are the
Old" and the dubbed-over Old Boys' Network propaganda.
It's not propaganda. We are without a doubt the
Oldest Icons in Wrestling™. And what's wrong with "For What's Left
of Your Life?" Get with the times, McMadden.
While I analyze the irony of an 82-year-old telling me to get with the
times, here comes our next team. "In the Navy" by the Village People
plays. Ensign Ben Dover and Rear Admiral Dick Groper make their way to
ringside. Those guys in biker outfits at ringside are looking mighty happy
to see them and they wave.
Groper: I'd like to give a big hello to our fans at the Motorcycle
Union 112.
Dover: That'th right. We know they're glad to thee uth becauth we jutht
unloaded thome big cargo on their deckth!
Groper: Enjoy those rare Harley parts, gents. (salutes them)
The Chosen Ones attack the sailors before the...
***bell rings.
Those boys make me sick.
I hate their kind too.
What? I mean for actually wearing their
ceremonial outfits when this is clearly not an official
ceremony. Disgraceful.
Um...my thoughts exactly! Well, Dover is still reeling from the attack
brought on by Irving and Jeffrey. We've got some sense of order now, as
Dover starts off against Irving Goldstein. Ensign Ben Dover with a
hiptoss. Legdrop. He picks up Goldstein by the long curly hair.
Irving: Oy! Watch the extensions.
He gots extensions?
You expect a 90-year-old man to have that much
hair?
Dover tries a dropkick. Irving Goldstein staggers back despite not having
been hit at all. Running clothesline by Ben, and the tag is made to Dick
Groper. Groper pats Dover's butt on the way in.
Who do these guys think they are?
Yeah, I...
Football players?
I'm so glad I'm the straight man here.
Whatchoo talkin' bout? You sayin' we not
straight?
You're not. You're the punchline guys. Dick Groper literally manhandling
Irving Goldstein. The old Jewish man drops to his knees and crawls to his
corner where he tags in Jeffrey Steingold. Steingold steps in. A few big
forearms, whips Groper against the ropes, turns around, and a big back
kick.
If I were Jeffrey I sure wouldn't turn my back on
a guy like that...
Pickin' up da pattern, I ain't sayin'
anything...
Such a large competitor could apply any number of
power moves from behind, especially German suplexes and atomic
drops.
Yes, well in this case the gamble paid off. Steingold puts the Rear
Admiral in a painful abdominal stretch! Groper seems to be able to handle
it. He reaches the ropes with ease. Dick with some big closed fists. He's
fisting Steingold up with authority!
Okay, you and I BOTH know that was out of
line. TV-14-D for you, buddy boy.
He's right, what was I thinking. I don't believe it! Dick Groper just gave
Jeffrey Steingold a huge backbreaker! I think his back may be broken
there.
One, it's not so unbelievable. Two, nobody EVER
gets their back broken from a backbreaker, not even by
accident.
Oh yeah. The cover: 1.2.3? Oh come on, that's IT?! There's gotta be some
mistake. It was such a quick count.
Look at da ref! Somehow dey were switched, dat's
Rich da Gay Bartender.
By gar, he's right.
Why would Rich the Gay Bartender want this match
to end in this manner? ... What does he have against the Chosen
Ones?
I don't know, Captain, I just don't know. We'll be right back with the Mad
Cow vs. "Soft Core" Zack.
Coming soon to this network...
This...is HIS courtroom. The people are real, the cases are real, only the
JUDGE...is not real. And the rulings are final. Boy, are they final.
THIS is the virtual Judge Roy Bean show.
(A clip is shown. A giant computer screen is at the front with a
rendered judge in a Texs courthouse.)
Woman: I loaned dis man some money fo' new shocks on his car.
Man: Naw, dat ain't true, she said it was a gift.
Judge Roy Bean: HEY! You shut your yap over there or you'll swing! You'll
get yer turn.
Woman: And he ain't gave' me nuttin' since, y'onna. He just a deadbeat
foo' and I sorry I married 'im.
Judge Roy Bean: You MARRIED this man?
Woman: Well yeh, we gots three kids.
Judge Roy Bean: How long have you been married?
Woman: Bout two months now.
Judge Roy Bean: I've heard enough of this nonsense. HANG 'EM BOTH!
(slams his gavel. Crowd cheers)
Man: What about my counnaclaim?
It's the biggest card you've ever seen this side of SUPERCARD III! It's
SUPERCARD IV, and daddy, it's big.
(The Crash Test Dummies are heard giving a jingle)
SUPERCARD never made any money...packing a card to a crowd of 940.
But really, we don't care, the world will never see another card...like
this...
Yeah, that's great, Brad, now here's your money, get off our property.
That's SUPERCARD IV! You're not going to miss all THIS, are you?
And we're back. The ring's been set up with all those throw pillows
attached to the ropes. This one's going to be weak-EXTREME, people.
I cain't wait! Look at dat dumpsta. Dey got da
cardboard box fulla toilet paper! I LOVES dat bit.
We all do, Jamal, relax. "Soft Core" Zack and the Mad Cow sizing each
other up, they've got those Kendo sticks.
They're called "shinei"s damn it! Can't anyone
pronounce it? It's not hard! Kendo sticks. What a dumb name.
***bell rings.
Zack promptly throws the shinei away and goes for something a little
better. Deviance hands him a patio chair! He rips the pre-perforated
fabric right over the Mad Cow's head!
Good LORD!
The Mad Cow teetering with that patio chair draped around his neck. He
pulls it off and starts hammering away with that. Zack is holding his
hands in a "time-out" gesture. But there's no time-outs here, even IF it's
Zack's rules!
Why not? We oughta look inta that.
I think the rules of wrestling are complicated enough as it is. The Mad
Cow pulls out the cardboard box!
Yeah, boy-eee!
He's raised it right in front of his face. Zack gives MC a stepping side
kick. Mad Cow just got nailed with it! Toilet paper is spilled
everywhere.
These two competitors are giving 110 percent out
here. I'm sure they can't keep this pace up forever though.
Why not? Because they're getting hurt? Tired? Zack with a fistdrop and he
covers: 1...2...no. Mad Cow is up. He's taped his fist up with toilet
paper! And a BIG left hand to Zack's jaw. Zack could be done, folks.
1...2...no! There's still some life left in Mr. "Soft Core". Those two
really going at it. Deviance meanwhile is chatting up Madame Bovine.
Please let them have called her "Deviance" fo'
nuttin'.
Oh please, Mustafa, there's no WAY she's even thinking that. And I'm
really glad this show's already been rated. Now Soft Core Zack has brought
out the whiffle bat! FLAMP! FLUMP! CRIFF! Listen to the SOUNDS of the
brutality.
I can't watch! (throws the monitor away in
disgust)
Oh, now look what you've done. (grabs the monitor) What the hell? This
thing is stuck on a different channel now. What IS this crap?
It's Canadian science-fiction! Let's
watch.
Nerdy guy in burgundy: Come on, the universe is about to be destroyed.
Can't we just do it?
Slutty chick: Even though I'm a love slave, you don't turn me on. I'd
rather be with that undead assassin who doesn't requite my love and is
unable to do anything sexual.
Nerdy Guy: Well thanks for nothing, Molly Parker.
Robot head: Quiet, moron, can't you see? We're all going to be killed
by...MILLIONS OF MECHANICAL ARMS! And there's the guy who's behind it
all!
Undead guy in black: He must have a message for us.
Computerized image on psychadelic background: (German accent) That's
right. Your universe is crumbling to my drones! And at the very end, I
will destroy YOU, last of the Bruningee.
Undead guy: What is the point? I am already dead.
Computerized image: That is your quibble with the scriptwriter, not
me.
Crewmember from behind camera: Uh, the boom mic's in the shot.
Director: CUT!
Crewmember: What do you mean, cut?
What kind of a stupid outtake was
that?
Outtake? That was last week's episode. No funding
for second takes.
Come on, people, there's a match happening. "Soft Core" Zack has just set
up the table! The Mad Cow has been knocked senseless, and what's that
lying next to him on the canvas?
Looks like a bag of potpourri, Vince.
Pulling a page straight out of Dr. Snare's book! Here comes the Soft Core
Moonsault! The table just collapsed one and a half seconds before impact.
The wind alone just crushed that plywood. Here's the cover. 1...2...3!
Well Soft Core Zack pulls off an impressive win. This after being beaten
up by a girl.
She MORE than a girl.
Thanks for reminding me! Tiffany Lane is in the
Twilight Zone tonight. (jumps out of the booth like a man in the prime of
his life and rolls into the ring)
Welcome to the Twilight Zone! With me, Captain Twilight. Tonight I have a
very special guest. She's one of the first female wrestlers to join our
illustrious organization, and we feel she'll be making quite an impact
here. If she hasn't already. Ladies and gentlemen, with her manager Nina
Laroue, here is TIFFANY LANE!
("Miss World" by Hole plays. She takes her sweet time getting to the ring
and makes sure not one hand touches her. Nine Laroue gets goosed by a
fratboy, and administers a shiner to same.)
Thanks for being here, Tiffany. Let's start with an easy one. Sergeant
Genocide recently appeared on Jenny Jones and told everyone he hoped you
had a crush on him. Dr. Snare has also propositioned you. Do you plan
any...
Tiffany: You're kidding, right? Do they think they can just waltz up
and take this "behind" without earning it? Not likely, honey. I'm a
fighter first and a lover second, isn't that right, Nina?
Nina: Absolutely. And no, fans, we're NOT. Get that thought out of your
heads now, regardless of how exciting it might be.
Okay...Nina, you were approached by one Sweet
Candy Andy. Did you talk "bidniss" with him at all?
Tiffany: I'll field that one, IF you don't mind.
(Anarchy and Michael Wackson appear from the curtain)
Anarchy: WE mind!
I don't believe this! Anarchy just jumped the
ring and started attacking Tiffany Lane!
This is completely uncalled for! The fans are right to boo.
What are you doing? Anarchy, please, have some
control!
Here comes the Mason now.
Mason: You misogynist bastard!
The Mason pries Anarchy off of Tiffany Lane and applies the Secret
Handshake! Anarchy rolls out of the ring cursing the Mason. Michael
Wackson hobbles away with his gimpy leg.
Mason: Sorry if I intruded, Lady, but I just did what I felt was right.
By the way, I am filthy rich.
Tiffany: Yeah, yeah. Looks like you lose an interview, pops.
The name's Captain Twilight. "Pops" is the
popcorn vendor/Vietnam vet in the Rogue's Gallery. (heads back to the
booth)
That went surprizin'ly bad.
Worst one yet, Cap.
Like it's my fault!
Of course it is, it was your stupid idea for the Twilight Zone in the
first place. But right now it's Smooth and Crunchy vs. the Circus Freaks
for the Doppelcrown belts.
A frantic ring crew removin' all the softcore
crap from da ring.
Why is this monitor showing an episode of Tales
from the Creepy Timekeeper?
It's still broken because you threw it?
I don't remember that.
Of course you wouldn't. Both teams are in the ring now. Sasquatch will
start off, against Mr. Planters, who's quivering in his peanut suit.
I see he's never had the pleasure of fighting our
inhuman friend.
How come we ain't got mo' non-humans? Wassup
widdat?
I would imagine it's because none apply.
How about dem Phantom Menace II Society guys?
Like GG Binks. He ain't doin' nuttin - dey shot da movie already. A Spike
Lucas joint.
Quit plugging douja's new movie. Sasquatch with a mighty growl and puts
Mr. Planters in a bearhug. He's squeezing the life out of the small man.
Planters is losing consciousness. His legs are flailing...one caught
Sasquatch right between the legs! Lucky break for Planters. Sasquatch
drops to his knees. Planters gets a second wind. Kicks to the hairy man's
chest. And now a face buster! Smooth and Crunchy are establishing
themselves as a viable team.
I have to agree with you there. Mr. Planters is
just one of those rare managers who can successfully turn
wrestler.
The tag to Petey the Peanut Guy is made. Sasquatch is up. Petey tries a
hit and is blocked. Sasquatch with a tree trunk of a forearm sends Petey
to the mat. Sasquatch with a kneedrop. He's choking Petey now!
1...2...3...4...Sasquatch lets go and acts all innocent.
He is. Chokin' fo' less than a count of five is
legal. Innit?
Well technically yes, but it is frowned upon. Now if only we can get a
clear ruling of tossing people over the top rope. Sasquatch in the
meanwhile puts a VICIOUS German suplex to Petey. Let's get a replay of
that bounce. Thanks, Chet. Now, you can see right here that the top of the
head hits that mat at a slight angle, and it bounces up nicely, only to
hit the mat once more, with slightly less impact.
We could have used a light pen to demonstrate it
better. We're sorry that light pens went obsolete about ten years
ago.
Quite true. Dizzy Desi is tagged in. He's all over Petey the Peanut Guy.
Petey retaliates. Missile dropkick! Snapmare takeover! Petey isn't giving
Dizzy a chance here. There's a reverse DDT. He covers: 1...2...shoulder
up. Dizzy Desi shakes it off, he smacks his head with a hammer a few
times. Petey looks disgusted at the ooze gushing out of Dizzy's head.
It may ruin his gimmick, but I really think
Double-D should see a dermatologist.
It would save us all the horror of seeing him, but he seems to enjoy
himself for who he is, why should we change him?
Cause he ugly? OW! That wadn't nice, Cap,
smackin' me like dat.
You deserved it, Jamal. Good work, Captain. Dizzy-D is looking for the
tag. Sasquatch isn't there! What's going on?
Ricky Johnson and Dr. Snare have pulled Sasquatch
from the rope and are beating him with bricks! Has the STWF suddenly gone
insane?
No, Cap, it means SUPERCARD IV is coming. Those two are fighting the
Circus Freaks at the PPV and they want to get some early hits in. They
don't seem to care that if the Freaks win this, they get a title shot!
Dr. Snare: Is that true?
DOOM: He's right. Didn't think of it that way. Let's motor!
I think the damage has been done. Petey has just put Dizzy in the
Half-Shell. That familiar cry of "Peanuts, get yah peanuts heeeeeyah!" is
echoing throughout the ring. Dizzy is just too wiped to continue. He taps
out, and this thing is over.
A hard-fought match, but in the end, Sasquatch
could not save the day.
The Freaks could have become four-time champs here, but that may have to
wait for another day. Well, only one event remains. It's douja, he teams
up with Dr. Sillaconne M. Plants, they take on Luke Warm, and....a MYSTERY
partner.
Iss Broadway Musical Man! Gotta be! Wait, no, iss
Sugarplum Harry o' one'a his golems! Even betta, iss ThatGuy! Yeah! OW!
Quit dat!
Calm yourself, Jamal, why not let Luke tell you. Don't make me get the
thorazine.
Oh, come now. Is this big delay really necessary?
Even the crowd is growing listless.
(Crowd grows more and more listless as no blood has been spilled for
several minutes. Announcer Lad Staggers into the ring.)
I've decided to forgive you guys. Just this once...
All right ladies and gentlemen-- a big night tonight here at the
Slobberknocker Arena with Luke Warm (pop) and his mystery
partner (crowd shrugs) taking on Douja (boo) and Sillaconne M. Plants
(mixed booing) in THE GREATEST TAG TEAM MATCH IN NAE TROUS
HITSORY!!!!
(A kid in a "HYATTE" T-shirt leaps from the crowd to rush AL, then
realizes his targert is not who he though it was and shuffles off, much
to the relief of "Security," who wasn't likely to stop him anyway.)
So without further ado, let's bring him out (crowd
gets frumpy) - your North American Champion - (it gets worse) LUKE
WARM!!!
(The crowd explodes into a frenzy as Luke's noise spills from the PA.
Luke is dressed smartly in jeanshorts and a T-shirt not unlike his
previous model, but it reads "99.44% PURE RACK 'EM UP!")
So Luke, what's the story?
LUKE: Well, here;s the lower lattitude: The thirstiest SOB in the STWF
is gettin' sick and tired of listening to these two morons spoutin'
off.... 'scuse me a sec...
(Luke produces a Yoo-Hoo bottle from nowhere and chugs his way to a
happier Luke. The announcer's booth grimaces, because of what they had
seen earlier. The crowd goes absolutely insane and Luke soaks it
in from the second turnbuckle, giving a double thumbs-up. On his way
down, he slips and garrottes himself on the top rope.... Luke goes back
to the mike rubbing his throat.)
Geez Luke, are you OK?
LUKE (In a very raspy, throaty, there are those who would say *macho*
voice): Oooooh... yeah.
So who is your tag team partner for the big match
tonight?
LUKE: Well... I got me a tag team partner... and he's the greatest
tag team partner... that anyone could ever ask!
(The crowd looks around for a second, then Survivor brings us back to
the glory that is the 1980's with "Eye of the Tiger" as the music
blasts through the arena. The crowd figures it out and goes completely
insane.)
LUKE: Here he is-- the man, the legend, THE TIGER!
(The Tiger comes down to the ring with a very confident gait... he too
is wearing a "99.44% PURE RACK 'EM UP!" shirt. Only $27.95-- order
today!)
Tiger-- this is a shock! Two of the biggest stars-
ELITES in the STWF-- the entire wrestling world today-- teaming up to meet
those other two guys!
TIGER: Shock? Hardly. Look at the team you have here. Luke Warm and
the Tiger-- we seem to make the same enemies, and we've been on the
same side of a battle more than once... Any idiot should have seen
this coming.
LUKE: That's right, this is the next step in something that's been a
looong time coming... Mama Warm always said ya gotta have friends out
there... watching your back... keeping you safe from your sisters...
and now I got El Tigre's back, and he's got mine! And those two idiots
are gonna have so much Luke-Hoo opened up on them tonight they'll never
be the same! And THAT is the lower lattitude.
TIGER: You said a mouthful Luke. Plants, you're in the way... but
you, Douja, you joined the Gallery... and you know how much we in the
Inner Circle LOOOOOVE the Gallery.... You got a beatin' coming,
superstar!
(Luke and the Tiger high-five and do a bunch of guy stuff, then posture
in the ring as the crowd gives a "WOW! Luke Warm and The Tiger
are teaming up!"-sized pop.)
Well, this is just amazing. douja and Dr. Plants
are entering the ring now. douja looks nervous, but Dr. Plants is just
waving it off and tapping his head.
That's confidence...and a cheap strategy. Well, it looks like Luke Warm
will start things off against Dr. Plants.
***bell rings.
Here we go! Dr. Plants going straight for the throat and the gut. Luke
Warm looks thrown off his game. Double-leg takedown, and Luke Warm is
taking multiple shots to Dr. Plants' head! The crowd is going nuts for
this stuff. Mind you, if he was fighting a ham sandwich they said had
joined the Gallery, you'd get pretty much the same response.
Don't let ham sammiches fool ya. Dey can put you
in a small package and you'd'a neva seen it comin'.
Cap, don't hit him, you might knock something back into place. Luke Warm
with an Irish whip. Shoulderblock and Dr. Plants goes down. Luke from the
top rope...gives a double thumbs-up and gets right back down, but not
before stomping on the plastic surgeon.
Pretty arrogant, but then again, he IS a
Hubcapper, revered by all.
Like me. Can y'all hear dose "J-T-M" chants
again? (gets up and waves to the crowd)
Give me strength. Dr. Plants with one more hit to the stomach. Luke Warm
doubles over and clutches his stomach. He doesn't look well, his face is
changing hue.
That must have been the Yoo-Hoo we saw in Luke's
dressing room, that Dr. Plants must have spiked!
Necro Phil: Well I'm so glad you finally figured it out.
What DID he put in that drink, Phil?
Phil: Syrup of Ipecac. A nice little vomit-inducing agent. We put in
enough to make an elephant hurl, so Luke should at least feel slight
discomfort.
That's just mean.
Phil: We're supposed to be heels, mean is what we do.
Luke Warm just tagged in the Tiger! He runs off holding his hands over his
mouth. Looks like the Tiger is going it alone now. douja has since been
tagged in. douja receives a European uppercut. Now a kick right in the
breadbasket. douja exhales with a cloud of that smoke that smells like
Washington, DC.
Watch it, Vince, who knows what the government
can do to this teensy fed.
Right, those hardworking politicians have bad tempers. Tiger is coughing
on the smoke. He's not used to it. You see, folks, faces don't do drugs,
and they're winners. Do the math. douja is setting up for the Chronic Neck
Pain! Oh, he can't do it. Back body drop by the Tiger instead. Elbowdrop!
Another one! He's going for three! The cover: 1...2...no.
How hard is it to beat up a pothead?
I'll be sure to ask Nancy Kerrigan. The Tiger pulls up douja by the
hair....oh no...it isn't! It can't be! STONECUTTER! Or a slight variation
on one. He doesn't do it in just the same way, who can? But it was
nonetheless effective. 1...2...3! Tiger and Luke Warm win.
I hope Luke Warm is alright.
(cut to backstage bathroom. Luke Warm is hunched over making awful noises.
An unknown guy in red with yellow lightning bolts is talking to him.)
Come on, you're not supposed to throw up in them, you're supposed to
use them when fighting!
Luke Warm: Listen sir, I don't know WHO the hell you are, and I don't know
anyone named Nancy, so just leave me in peace. I can still Stonecutter
you.
Unknown guy: Whatever. I'm outta here. I've got to screw my pal C.B. out
of more benefits anyway.
This is just stupid. The worst Nae Trous for a
while.
It was different, let's say that. For Cap and Jamal, this is Angus "Vince"
McMadden saying, keep your pants off!
©1999 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo
Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre