Welcome to Monday Nae Trous!

(A large pair of pants floats across the screen, then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior of the Calgary Saddledome. The two guys with sparklers and flare guns are back.)
Legend: This white is Angus McMadden's "voice". Other "voices" are as follows:
Jamal Tupac Mustafa
Captain Twilight
Ring Announcer.
All other voices will have different colours and will be preceded by their name.

Welcome everyone to Monday Nae Trous! We're back in our original timeslot, thankfully, and we hope to keep it this way for a while. We'd like to welcome a newcomer to our ranks, Tony Starks. We hope you enjoy life in the gimmick lane! Also, we have received word that another ECCWF import is on the way, and rumour has it that Rimshot is looking to expand his Entertainment Industry. But right now, we're going to kick it off as Distruct takes on Presto Cadabra!
The following contest is set for one fall. Making his way toward the ring, accompanied by Rimshot, Janice and "Black"Jack Dealer, from Atlantic City, NJ, weighing in at 224 lbs., PRESTO CADABRA!
(Boos for the Entertainment Industry. Presto Cadabra is wearing a black suit with top hat, opera cape, monocle, and has a pencil line moustache. Janice is dressed like a showgirl. Jack Dealer is still wearing the Casino Rama uniform, and of course Rimshot wheels behind all. Presto takes the time to do a card trick for a little kid. It seems that the kid is not impressed.)
And his opponent, accompanied by Dr. Death, from Woodstock, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 304 lbs., DISTRUCT!
(Distruct gets a decent pop since he's Canadian. Distruct just tells them to shut up, and Dr. Death follows with a sycophantic "Yeah!")
***bell rings.
Not much to say here. Distruct, certainly an accomplished wrestler, but Cadabra always has a few tricks up his sleeve. Distruct starts with as sidewalk slam, picks him up, and does it again. Easy cover: 1...shoulder up. Distruct is a little over-confident today. Presto gets up, whips Distruct into the turnbuckle, and gives a solid knee to the midsection. He goes to the middle rope and starts landing rights and lefts all over creation. Distruct just hurls him out of the ring, and stands inside, laughing. Dr. Death starts pummelling him from there, and Jack Dealer starts pummelling Dr. Death! Distruct sees it, and we have a brawl outside the ring. Well, while this is going on, Captain Twilight, can you give us more information on our new entrant, Tony Starks? Not a very gimmicky name.
Rather odd duck, though, this one. He goes by his real name, and yet he wears a mask? Well, neither Mr. Starks or his manager Mr. X are willing to talk, but I did find out that Tony is a second-generation wrestler with a martial arts background, so we can expect some experienced wrestling out of him.
Man, I don't care WHO this brudda is, if he crosses da Rogue's Gallery, he in fo' one HELLUVA surprise.
What surprise is that? That you still have a contract with the STWF even though none of you guys can wrestle worth a damn?
Shutcho wrinkled face, old man, befo' I bitch-slap you into INACTIVE retirement!
Please, please! The action outside has cleared, and both men are back in the ring, visibly fatigued. Distruct goes for an abdominal stretch, but Presto just slips out of it and rolls Distruct up! 1...2...no sir. Presto now making the sign for his "saw you in half" torture rack! He tries to pick Distruct up - I guess he forgot Distruct outweighs him by 80 lbs. Distruct rocks Cadabra with a shoulderbreaker. He's giving Presto the finger - he's going to go for the Doomsday! Taking him up to the top rope - will he land it? YES! He's going to go for the Deathlock now: WAIT! Jack Dealer comes in and starts slashing with that razor ace up his sleeve. Someone's coming down the ring now - IT'S MICHAEL WACKSON! Will he help Jack Dealer or hurt him? He pulls Jack off Distruct and gives him a vicious enzuigiri upside the head! Dealer's out of the ring, and now Wackson hits his Moonwalk Moonsault on Presto Cadabra! The ref sees it, and this match is over.
Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification, PRESTO CADABRA!
Now what? Bohemoth coming in the ring, it looks like he wants a word with the big man from Woodstock.
Distruct! Since I can't get any damn matches anywhere in the EBW, I'vegot you right here where I want you! Three weeks from today, Mexico Madness, I'm going to beat the living daylights out of you, so you can experience the darkness that I must live with every day of my life! We haven't forgotten your actions against the Asylum Alliance - in Tijuana, we are going to settle in mano-a-mano. See you in hell!
And just like that, he's leaving! Distruct didn't even answer, but I guess the match is signed anyway.We'll be back after this short break.

Monday Nae Trous is brought to you by Geek Depot Techie Supplies, where you get a free Dilbert screen saver with every purchase of $100 or more! For the computer nerd in you.
Remember, kiddies, Mexico Madness is just three weeks away! Make your challenges now - you have this week and next. I won't accept challenges the week before.
Who is BILL? The answer will come much sooner than anyone wants!
BILL. Coming soon to the STWF.
On to our next match, we are going to see a six-man tag: ThatGuy and the Circus Freaks are going to take on "Black" Jack Dealer and STWF tag champs, the Vegas Connection. It's bad enough that we have to see Rimshot once on MNT, but TWICE? Oh well...
The following six-man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Making their way towards the ring, representing the Asylum Alliance, ThatGuy, Sasquatch, and Dizzy Desi!
(Major pop. ThatGuy is wheeled in, Sasquatch follows, and Dizzy Desi is not far behind. Sores, blisters, pustules and other assorted skin disorders now adorn Dizzy's face.) Man, what the hell has Dizzy Desi DONE to himself? It makes me sick just to look at him!
Indeed. It could have something to do with that hammer he keeps hitting himself in the head with. I have no idea where that hammer's been, and I don't want to know.
And their opponents, representing the Entertainment Industry, "Black" Jack Dealer, Lounge Lizard Lester Leary, and Larry Lowbrow!
(More boos. Rimshot accompanies them. Lester is singing "That's Entertainment" and peppering it with "JACK!" after every other line.)
***bell rings.
Dizzy Desi and Jack Dealer to start things off. Jack looks really disgusted at Desi's new appearance. He's going to have to live with it, though. Dizzy with a dropkick, Jack Dealer reels back to the ropes, then bounces off them and hits a flying forearm. DDT by Dealer, picks him up, and Desi with a headbutt - Jack Dealer's face is covered in all those bodily excretions on Dizzy's face. Jack trying to wipe it off, and he doesn't even see Dizzy going to the top rope - DIZZY DESI WITH A CORKSCREW MOONSAULT! The cover: 1...2...Lowbrow makes the save. Jack Dealer tags to Lester Leary, and Dizzy Desi tags to ThatGuy. ThatGuy executes a cross-face chicken wing on Leary, but Lowbrow again stops it. The ref now warning Lowbrow, so here come the Freaks! Sasquatch with his newly-patented Saskatchewan Stomp off the top rope. Those 36" feet of his must be pretty painful when they land on you. Sasquatch now jumping up and down on Leary- that'll leave some footprints! - and quickly goes back before the ref sees. ThatGuy tags to Sasquatch, who obviously wants to dish out some more! Belly-to-back on Leary, the cover: 1...2...shoulder up. Incredible endurance on Lester Leary! He's not a tag champion for nothing...Lester Leary gets up and a neckbreaker by Leary. Tag to Larry Lowbrow. Lowbrow with an eye rake, followed by a bootlace scrape, a rope burn, and a hairpull.
No doubt about it, Larry Lowbrow has real talent. Yeah, right. It looks like Lowbrow is going for the Punchline! But wait - Sasquatch reverses it and Lowbrow gets thrown off the top rope into the iron gate! Speaking of iron gates, whatever happened to Identity Crisis Man, who believes he's a wrestler ever since he was a fan that got rammed into the iron gate?
Apparently, he's undergoing some therapy, to restore his amnesia, but trooper that he is, he's still training physically. Lowbrow is being counted out: 1...2...3...4... Cap, what do you know of this other entrant that Rimshot is scouting? What's the act that Rimshot likes so much?
Actually, from what I've heard, it has something to do with a goat.
That's more information than I really wanted. 8...9...10! It's over, and the Asylum Alliance wins. Okay, Captain Twilight, it's that time again. Do your thing.
Hello once again, and welcome to the Twilight Zone, with me, Captain Twilight. With me tonight, is none other than the Intercontinental Cruiserweight "This is not a Championship Belt but it's close" belt champion, the New Olymp... No it i'nt! Yo' guest today is da Rogue's Gallery!(gets in the ring)
Now, here be da biggest, da baddest, groupa homies in da STWF, da Rogue's Gallery!
(Cross-Eyed Chris Armstrong and Sweet Candy Andy with Gratuitous Tina, come to the ring.)
Yo Chris, things, they be great hee in da Rogue's Gallery? D-uhh, yupps, you know it! I dunno how t'ings could get better.
(aside) Well, maybe if they actually WON a match...
You say sum'n, G?
No, not I.
I di'n think so. Well Andy, man, gochoo a honey I see.
You know it, and she's SOOOOOOOOO sweet in so many ways!
Hey, hee come da MAN. Da Rogue, everybody! (Crowd boos). Rogue: What are you guys, a bunch of idiots?! How can you say everything is alright?! The Gallery hasn't won a match since...EVER! Chris, you lost in under a minute to that worthless piece of garbage Michael Wackson. You're a joke! I don't know why you're even in the Rogue's Gallery.
D-uhh, but boss, you created me!
Yeah? And I can destroy you, too. I'll lay it on the line! If you want to stay in the Rogue's Gallery, you've got to beat Sweet Candy Andy right here, right now!
D-uhh, if dat's what I gotsta do, dokay!
Fine, but first - Candyman, what's with the hoe?
She's my honey!
Dump her ass or you can get out of the Rogue's Gallery!
See you later, Tina. Tell the Friar you was FIIIIINE!
Let's do this. Get an extra chair, boys, I'm doing commentary.
I hope you realize this is a gross abuse of your power as an STWF executive.
Flattery will get you nowhere, McMadden.
What the hell's wrong with you? Beating on a man with a visual impairment!
Are you still here?
***bell rings.
Sweet Candy Andy is just crushing Armstrong. He's got him in the corner and is repeatedly bitch-slapping him.
Man, you better not dis' da man, G, or I'll slap you silly!
Ooh, I'm scared, what are you going to do?
Jamal, let's show him what the Rogue's Gallery can do!
(The Rogue and Mustafa get up. The Rogue picks up a monitor, and is about to smash it over Twilight's head, but instead smashes it on Mustafa's head. Jamal Tupac Mustafa is unconscious. Captain Twilight gets in the ring and lifts Armstrong on his shoulders.)
It was a set-up all along! Captain Twilight has joined the Rogue's Gallery. Sweet Candy Andy now, on the top rope, FLYING PIMP SLAP ON ARMSTRONG! Armstrong is out cold. 1...2...3. Oh, the humanity.
Oh come on, McMadden, you love it! The mediocrity of the Rogue's Gallery has ended. And I'll tell you what! Chris, I'll give you a few weeks to train, and at Mexico Madness, Sweet Candy Andy will slap the hell out of you again! Honestly, how could my Gallery be left off a pay-per-view? Until then, I gotta go.
Jamal, are you alright?
Yeh, I be fine. I don't need him! I'll do just fine on my own. Captain Twilight, you watch out, because I'm gunning for you first!
That's all the time we have. Next week, we'll see DeRanged, the debut of Tony Starks, and possibly Colonel "Pops" Khorne in action. Until then, keep your pants off!

(c) Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre 1997