Monday Nae Trous - all ticket sales are final

(Pan Interior of the Chinook Dome. Many signs go up, including "Free the Rogue", "Why Death Why?" and "This Poster No Verb".)
Welcome everyone to Monday Nae Trous! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, here along with the Pencil-Necked Geek and Captain Twilight.
Greetings to all. What an amazing show lined up!
You said it. A debut in the Bully vs. Identity Crisis Man, The Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver belts go on the line as the Vegas Connection fight the Total Annihilators, Shoot-For-Loot sees Tyrone Mayhem against the Doomsday Chicken, and of course, the Ladder Match between Death and B.F. Sack. PLUS...a secret bonus mystery MAIN EVENT match! We can't tell you what it is... but rest assured, you'll never forget it!
Oh boy, I can't wait! It sounds great. I can't remember this much anticipation since I first heard that Andrew Wyles had cracked Fermat's Last Theorem, and I tried to confirm it.
The fun never stops with you.
(Rogue's Gallery theme music plays)
And look at this! The Rogue and his Gallery are coming out!
Isn't he banned for life! He could be sent to jail!
He IS supposed to be in jail! Remember last FFF? He WAS put in jail, and apparently the bail was enormous! Nobody in the Gallery can afford that kind of bail.
and I really doubt Der Kommissaar put up the bread!
He wouldn't, even if he had that type of money. I mean, let's face it, sometimes our paycheques have question marks on them!
So does that mean we're going to another early commercial while the security guards drag him away?
No, I am not getting that notice from the guys in the truck. Maybe they want to publicly apprehend and humiliate him like on FFF.
Well I don't see them around yet, and the Rogue has the mic.
HA-LA!!!! The Rogue is back, and he's on the attack!! Der Kommissaar, eat your heart out!!!
(some fans seem genuinely interested and enthused... about the Rogue?!?)
Mister Numero Uno is in the building!! Hey, you imbeciles, did you miss me?
(boos. So much for him getting over on this show.)
Ahh, it feels so good to be opening a Nae Trous. This is the best spot I have EVER had on a Nae Trous!!! Ok, this is addressed to that pot-bellied slob Der Kommissaar (and I'll talk slow so maybe you'll get it!): You thought that you had beaten me, didn't you? You and that crony-slave, the Right Hand Man, have conspired not only to expel me from the STWF, but also to publicly humiliate me in the process! My wrestlers have been kept off the cards for weeks!! Then there was last FFF. Have you ever spent a night in jail? I thought that when I had to sleep on the floor next to Très Sheik in a dingy motel room was an unpleasant experience: there were people in that cell who made the Aboriginals smell like Queen Elizabeth's Royal crimson rose garden!! I have never felt so low! You even managed to ban me from the STWF for life!!! Well, I'm back, and "what are you going to do about it"? I'm calling you out, Right Hand Man, and I DARE YOU to drag my cute suspended posterior from this ring!
(Right Hand Man appears from behind the curtain alone)
Oh, what's the matter, punk? Are your security men on coffee break, or do you plan on removing me from the ring with just those puny little arms you have?
RHM: Rogue, it is hereby reluctantly noted that as of 6pm this evening, your lifetime ban from the STWF has been rescinded by the Executive Committee. You are now fully reinstated.
Look! The Rogue is ecstatic! He's hugging the Gallery members!
But what's with the change of heart? There was a lot of bad blood there for quite a while.
RHM: And the Committee has also agreed that the various Gallery wrestlers will be activated to wrestle as of today.
Yeah! 'Cause when the Gallery compete, they just can't be beat! HA-LA!!! How do you feel now, Right Hand Man?!
RHM: Just shut your trap, Rogue.
But tell me this: why the change of heart, and also why'd you bail me out?
RHM: WE didn't bail you out. Trust me, it is neither Der Kommissaar nor I you must thank.
(RHM leaves)
Then to whom do I owe such a debt of gratitude?
(Fred Meatnsaucy appears from behind the curtain)
Fred: ME!
Look, it's Fred Meatnsaucy!!! I guess he WAS telling the truth! He's the one who bailed the Rogue out!
But that still doesn't explain why he's reinstated!
You?!? Why would you do that for me?
Fred: It's like I said, I am your biggest fan! I realised that in your time of crisis that I could help. It was my pleasure to put up that money! Trust me, to me, that much money is pocket change! You guys rule!!!
Ok, but that doesn't explain why I'm reinstated.
Fred: Let's just say that when you're the Fed's largest sponsor by far, you can pull a few strings!
Can you believe it?!? Mr. Meatnsaucy reinstated the Rogue!! This is crazy!
Fred Meatnsaucy, come to the ring!! I am naming you the newest member of my Gallery!! HA-LA!!
(the Rogue and Meatnsaucy embrace)
You see? We're too good to be you! We are the POWER, baby...
Fred: ...cause we rule the WORLD!!!
HA-LA!!!!
Can you believe this?!? What will we see next?
I'll tell you what. An actual match for a change.
(Announcer Lad is in the ring. He has less bandages on, but his nose is still completely covered, and his forehead is wrapped up pretty well.)
This contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, accompanied by Bob, weighing 239 lbs., IDENTITY CRISIS MAN!
("Jump Around" by House of Pain plays. ICM comes out dressed like Johnny "Irish" Berkowski. Bob the sock puppet is dressed like Chubby the Polish Leprechaun.)
There's an image I'd like to forget.
And his opponent, making his STWF debut, weighing in at 436 lbs., from Chicago, Illinois, THE BULLY!
("These Boots Were Made for Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra plays. The crowd looks confused. The Bully steps through the curtain with a commode. The crowd is confused further. The Bully swats a kid in the front row upside the head and laughs. The crowd starts booing as he enters the ring.)
***bell rings.
Why is someone as small as Identity Crisis Man getting booked against a bully like...the Bully?
As far as I recall, the Bully specifically asked for ICM. Here we go! The Bully with a big boot to the knees of ICM. Johnny...er, Identity Crisis Man buckles immediately. The Bully still stomping away on those knees.
ICM's career could be over tonight!
Oh, that never happens here. Bully starting to work on ICM's upper body. Legdrop by the Bully. And now he takes ICM's face...a bootlace scrape! Ouch, that's nasty.
Boy, this guy really brings back bad memories of high school.
Easy, there, PNG. The Bully now kicking ICM in the head. Now he's slapping him and laughing!
This match has absolutely no technical merit.
Technical merit never made for entertaining television before, why should we start now? ICM starting to mount an offensive. Chubby throws a weak punch. The Bully just grabs it...Chubby is hitting Johnny in the head? Has the manager turned on his protégé?
Oh please. The Bully is just taking Identity Crisis Man's sockhand and beating ICM with it.
It just sounds more exciting when I say it. Don't you agree? The Bully is heading over to the commode now... he's checking that everything's in good working order.
That toilet isn't connected to anything. How can it use running water?
I don't know, but some things are best left unexplained. ICM takes the opportunity. He's pounding away on the Bully, but let's face it, the weight differential is just too great here. The Bully takes ICM's head and...oh, I can't say it.
I remember all too well. The Swirlie.
ICM can't take much more. He submits! Why is this being allowed, anyway? Isn't this use of a foreign object?
Like you said, entertaining television.
Here is your winner...THE BULLY!
Berkowski emerges, soaking wet. I wonder how long this travesty can continue.
Shoot-For-Loot's next. Quarterfinals are upon us. Tyrone vs. the Doomsday Chicken.
Both men are in the ring now, "Money" has been played ad nauseam...
***bell rings.
Tyrone is really light on his feet. A quick flurry of punches, stick and move, stick and move. The Doomsday Chicken doesn't know where he is! He turns around to Pinhead for guidance. Tyrone clocks him right on the ear!
***bell rings.
That's the end of round one. Our official score is Tyrone 3, D-day 0.
Here comes round two. D-Day with a double-leg takedown for his first point! Mayhem right up, and a nice shot lands right on the beak. D-Day is down! The ref says "screw this" and asks for the bell! Pinhead doesn't like that too much.
I suppose Tyrone advances yet again. He's been going through the competition easily.
Maybe he'll find tougher competition in the Violent Pacifist or Kabuki, both of whom are fighting on Friday. Kabuki seems like he really wants a fight. The Violent Pacifist just might give him one.
He may at that. But right now, a title goes on the line. The Vegas Connection must defend their Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver belts against the Total Annihilators. The Vegas Connection are hot off a win over the Fat Green Crossdressers. Can they get a win, when it counts?
I don't see why not.
This tag team contest is set for one fall, and is for the STWF Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver tag team belts. First, the challengers, representing the Total Annihilation Squad and with a combined weight of 610 lbs., Carnage and the Stalker, THE TOTAL ANNIHILATORS!
("Danger" by KISS plays. They enter. Strep is not far behind.)
And their opponents, the champions, representing the Entertainment Industry and accompanied by Rimshot, Lester Leary and Larry Lowbrow, THE VEGAS CONNECTION!
(Lester Leary sings "Viva Las Vegas" on the way down to a mixed reaction.)
***bell rings.
Larry Lowbrow and Carnage will start things off. Lowbrow with a hiplock takeover. Carnage pretty much refused to sell on that one. Lowbrow decides to step it up a bit with a vertical suplex...wait, he's holding it....holding....holding...
I didn't know Larry Lowbrow was so strong.
And THERE IT GOES! Carnage is down. Larry picks him up by the hair, and cranial kick. Carnage scrambles to his feet. Football tackle by Carnage! Boy, does he look frustrated. Carnage with a scoop slam. He follows up with an elbowdrop and covers 1...kickout. Carnage picks up Larry and flings him against the ropes. Larry lands right on the ropes with his neck. Coughing, he tags in Lester Leary.
Lucky for Larry; Carnage would have torn him apart had he stayed in.
Lester Leary ready to go, he's in with a big clothesline. He covers....
That's pretty cocky...
1...kickout on two. Carnage is up. DDT! That took the wind out of Leary's sails. Stalker is now tagged in. Stalker continuing the frenzy - a splash from the middle rope. The cover...1...2...kickout. Lester Leary gets to his feet. Lester with a dropkick. He goes to the top rope...frog splash! The cover: 1...2...kickout.
Both teams working solidly here, but the Total Annihilators really need to crank it up a notch if they're going to snag those belts. Am I right?
Something like that. Stalker with a sleeperhold. Lester is slipping...but he's powering out...he's out. He whips Stalker against the ropes, and applies a sleeper of his own! A jawbreaker by Stalker ends that quickly. Lester is down. Stalker tags in Carnage. Carnage gets Strep to throw in the chair! We all know what that means.
No, what?
And you call yourself a genius. Well, it's not from the top rope, but PILEDRIVER. On the chair! Lester Leary just took one heavy bump. He kicks away the chair and covers: 1...2...3! We have new champs.
Here are your winners, and NEEEEW STWF Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver tag team champions, THE TOTAL ANNIHILATORS!
There's rumours that the MBC may be re-forming, and we'll have to give those belts back.
That's a longshot. There's just this ladder match, and then the SECRET main event!I can't wait, and these fans are on the edge of their seats. But first, a commercial.

Hi. I'm Fred Meatnsaucy. Just because I'm part of the Rogue's Gallery now, doesn't mean you shouldn't still try my gravy. You get a coupon for a free sample packet with every purchase of a Rogue's Gallery T-shirt! Isn't that dandy? Mmm, mmm, Meatnsaucy.

And we're back. It's time for the ladder match! While we were away, both men entered the ring, the ladder was set up, and Death, reluctantly, had the belt hooked up.
***bell rings.
Death and B.F. Sack lock up, how many times has this been now? B.F. Sack tosses Death clear out of the ring and grabs the ladder right away.
Sack looks like he thinks he has a chance here!
This will all pale in comparison to the SECRET main event! That should be an excellent match, making this look like an Aboriginals match.
Careful. If we knock the Gallery, they can retaliate now.
I'm scared. Sack sets up the ladder in the middle, but baseball-slides Death just as Death was trying to get back in! That's a good strategy, keep the guy clear away from you. Sack is climbing the ladder now! This could be quick. Death shakes off his hits and tries to enter.
Voice: Stop, evildoer!
Death turns around. Some guy in red-white-and-blue trunks is running to the ring with one hand out in front of him! This must be SuperWrestler, of whom we've heard quite a bit! Death can't control his laughter. SuperWrestler puts Death in a hammerlock and won't let go!
SuperWrestler:That belt is not yours, and this is the only way to restore order to the STWF.
Death: LET ME GO, FREAK!
B.F. Sack easily climbs the ladder and takes his belt! SuperWrestler releases Death.
Here is your winner, and STILLLL STWF Heavyweight Champion, B.F. SACK!
Death disappears in a rage. B.F. Sack shakes SuperWrestler's hand and thanks him before making his way to the dressing room. SuperWrestler makes a gesture as if he was just doing his job. The Right Hand Man certainly got a good deal when he got SuperWrestler to help get the belt out of Death's hands. Wow, what a show! And now it's time for the secret main event! Just imagine the dream match-up that the executives at the STWF have signed! I wonder how many belts have been held between the two combatants. Just imagine how many great wins each wrestler has had! And, apparently, we have confirmation that these two have NEVER faced each other, toe-to-toe, in the squared circle!
Wow! I can't wait! This may be the match of the year in the STWF!
I know! The anticipation is climaxing here as we prepare for the introductions.
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, this is the SECRET MAIN EVENT, scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle, from the Nottatentik region of Québec, weighing 256lbs., one half of the Rogue's Aboriginals, Aboriginal 1!! (native chants play)
Aboriginal 1?!? What, did one of the main-eventers cancel?
I don't know, and where's the Rogue?
And his opponent, also from the Nottatentik region of Québec, also weighing 256lbs., the other half of the Rogue's Aboriginals, Aboriginal 2!! (native chants continue to play)
This is the main event we've been hyping all show? THIS?! These two have almost no singles experience, and even fewer clean victories between them.
CLEAN victories? Clean has nothing to do with the Aboriginals! They give filth a good name!!
(Rogue appears from behind the curtain, with Fred Meatnsaucy right behind)
Hey everybody! Hello again! I was just talking to Billionaire Fred over here, and we decided to experiment to see just how much clout he really does have with the Executive Committee. Obviously, a lot! Just take a gander of who's in the main event this evening! Not one, but TWO Gallery members in the Big Match, and two of the more mediocre Gallery members to boot!! Well, I am going to the back to take care of some business, cause when you're Number One, there's so much to get done! Enjoy the match, and remember: We are the POWER, baby, cause we own the WORLD!!
Fred: HA-LA!!
Hey! That's my line!
Fred: Oops! Sorry!
(They disappear behind the curtain and the bell sounds to start the match)
Can you believe that Fred Meatnsaucy has enough influence to book the Main Event of the biggest show in the STWF?
When you're paying the bills you get to call the shots, Vince.
I'll be sure to let Ted Turner know that. Aboriginal 2 starts with a wristlock, and a weak one at that. At least the fact that these are tag team partners facing each other provides a little interest.
Emphasis on the LITTLE.
Aboriginal 1 reverses with a drop toe hold.
Drop toe hold?!? You really are trying to sell this match! Aboriginal 1 passed out and Aboriginal 2 tripped over his feet!
Well, maybe that's what it looked like to you.
And to everyone else in this building!! This is terrible!
Aboriginal 1 grabs Aboriginal 2's legs, and slingshots him into the ring post!! I think he's unconscious!
He was barely conscious when he came to the ring!!
Very true. Anyway, Aboriginal 1 is heading to the edge of the apron and to the top rope?
What's that guy trying to do?
Looks like he's setting up for a high-risk maneuver! He's on the top turnbuckle and... he stumbles off and flat on his face!!
Those moves are more high risk for some than for others.
It doesn't help to have half the paint section of Home Depot in you at the time. Aboriginal 2 is regaining consciousness and getting to his feet. He grabs #1 into a side headlock and...a bulldog!
That wasn't a bulldog! He had him in the headlock and lost consciousness and collapsed, and Aboriginal 1 went down with him!!
Well, both men are now sprawled out on the mat. The ref is counting to ten, the standard knockout rule. Have you ever known the Aboriginals to be able to count?
(...7...8...)
Both Aboriginals are coming to...and they're up! They're into the tie-up...(time passes) and they're still tied-up!
Listen, I have to return a video by midnight!
Aboriginal 2 with a headbutt! Aboriginal 1 goes down and 2 lies on top of him for the cover!
Would you like to try my spectacles? Aboriginal 2's brain went out, and in the grapple his head fell forward striking #1. Aboriginal 1 fell back and number 2 collapsed on top of him!
Either way, his shoulders are on the mat! 1...2...3!
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, Aboriginal 2!!!
Well we hoped you enjoyed the show, and we apologise for the quality of the main event! We'll see you on Friday. For Captain Twilight and the Pencil-Necked Geek, this is Angus "Vince" McMadden saying, keep your pants off!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre