Monday Nae Trous #29
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(Pan interior of the Slobberknocker Arena. The STWF Girls, Der Kommissar's present from the Inner Circle,
really get the crowd going. The two pyro guys are sulking at the top of the ramp, waving their sparklers around apathetically.)
Welcome once again to Monday Nae Trous! We've got lots of action, and some title shots too! With me as always are...
("In the Hall of the Mountain King" plays)
Looks like Bohemoth has something to say. He's getting in the ring now.
Bohemoth: MANIAC! Get out here DOUBLETIME! Because I'm back, and I've got a bone to pick with you.
(Mira Maniac enters, carrying his poster on an easel. He gets in the ring.)
Bohemoth: Supercard III. You told me you'd have a big surprise for me. Well? Where was it, tough guy?
Huh? ANSWER ME! This show can't go for three hours.
Maniac: Well, since you were expecting a surprise, any surprise wouldn't exactly be one, now would it? Duh.
Bohemoth: Don't split hairs with me.
Maniac: Wouldn't dream of it. You don't have that much hair left as it is, after that accident. You've got to save every one.
Oh no! No, he didn't say that!
Bohemoth: You dare insult me? Want to make something out of it? How about it, you and me, right now!
(Crowd pops bigtime)
Maniac: What's in it for me? I don't see a reason to fight you, unless you put up your belt.
Bohemoth: You want this belt? Hey, I'll give you a shot. But if they have to carry you out of here on a spatula, don't say I didn't warn you.
Maniac: Sounds fair to me! Let's go!
The ref is running to the ring, just putting his shirt on. It looks like we have a North American Championship on the line, right here!
Bohemoth rushes the Maniac and slams him down to the canvas. A count already: 1...Maniac kicks out just at two. Maniac bounces off the ropes, flying heel kick!
Wow. Bohemoth staggers, but doesn't drop. Maniac pushes Bohemoth down. Not the most technical of moves, but hey. Whatever. Maniac with a fistdrop! Bohemoth gets out of the way,
just in time. Bohemoth puts the Maniac in a torture rack! I think he's sending a message out to the Tiger with that one.
Or Presto Cadabra. But what problem would Bohemoth have with him?
Stablewar, perhaps? But I don't think that's likely. Bohemoth lets go of the torture rack. Now he's putting the Maniac in a camel clutch!
That's a nice imitation of the Lockdown. I think I know where Bohemoth is going with this. But Bohemoth isn't really applying any pressure. It's just for show.
Maniac reaches the ropes.
Bohemoth is just toying with the Maniac. Maniac though, from out of nowhere, a bulldogging headlock! Bohemoth goes down hard. Reverse chinlock by the Maniac. Remembering he's got the endurance
advantage, he wisely lets go, because Bohemoth needs the rest more.
And you tell me not to advertise the rest holds.
I'm the main announcer here, I can do as I please. You my friend are expendable. Cap, same goes with you. I hear Mike Tenay's interested in joining us.
Please. You can't scare me. It's a well-known fact that outsiders aren't welcome here.
Maniac is in control of this match right now. Maniac whips the big coal miner to the ropes, he sets up for a backbody drop, but Bohemoth sees it a mile away.
Bohemoth with a swinging neckbreaker! And now....he drags Maniac close to the buckle....he climbs to the top rope, a nice pose for the crowd, some camera flashes go off...
some guy from the crowd rushes in and pushes Bohemoth onto the ring floor! The ref is calling for the bell, but this fan, if we can call him that, is still stomping away at Bohemoth.
Maniac: You wanted a surprise? Well...SURPRISE! Meet my new bodyguard, Vito Sorvino! Does that last name sound familiar to you? It should.
This man is the third cousin, twice removed, of the Italian Goddess herself. Don't ever go against the family, Bohemoth. Hahaha!
The winner of this match, as a result of a disqualification, BOHEMOTH!
What a turn of events. The Maniac reveals his surprise in the form of a bodyguard, and our North American champion takes the bumps yet again. Okay, our first SCHEDULED match tonight is the tag team title contest.
Milwaukee's Best will finally get their shot as they face the Indestructibles, whom we might as well call the Vulnerables. Let's take you now to the Rogue, with some pre-recorded comments.
Look at these men! HA-LA!(Pan to the Indestructibles, who look emaciated and very unhappy.) They wear the gold around their waists, and with good reason! They've demolished near every team here.
And you? You've beaten two circus freaks and two Hollywood never-wases. Let's see...who will win? I don't know. We'll flatten you, and look good doing it. We got the power, baby, 'cause we rule the WORLD! HA-LA!
Nothing new there. Announcer Lad? Take it away.
This tag team contest is for the STWF Tag Team Championship and is set for one fall, with NO COUNT-OUTS OR DISQUALIFICATIONS. Making their way to the ring first,
the challengers, representing and accompanied by the Inner Circle, with a combined weight of 550 lbs., here are Beast and Beast Light, MILWAUKEE'S BEST!
("Welcome to the Jungle" screeches over the PA. Many fans cover their ears, but cheer these two well, nonetheless.)
And their opponents, representing and accompanied by the Rogue's Gallery, with a combined weight of 399 lbs., here are Duane Diamond D and "Crushing" Chris Powell, the INDESTRUCTIBLES!
(The Rogue's Gallery theme plays. The Gallery hits the ring, only to be pelted by garbage. A Gatorade bottle hits one of the Aboriginals and knocks him out. The other Aboriginal drags him back to the locker room.)
It's going to be really hard for the Indestructibles to keep their belts in a no-DQ atmosphere. They don't have anything going for them anymore.
Chris Powell enters the ring first. Beast to start for the Inner Circle. He's rubbing his hands in delight. Powell is already begging off! Beast with a football tackle! And a vertical suplex now. Beast choking out Powell. There's no DQ,
the ref is letting it slide! Chris Powell is turning purple! The ref lifting the arms: Once...twice...Beast lets go on his own. Powell runs over to tag Duane, who reluctantly enters. Beast gives Diamond D an atomic drop! Now he knocks Duane down and
tries an armbar submission. Duane is screaming - that bone is probably brittle. Duane grabs onto the ropes for dear life. Beast doesn't have to let go, but decides to, in order to give Beast Light a chance.
Hey, V, when do I getsta say sumpin'? My script here doesn't have me in it hardly 'tall. Whassup widdat?
Um...blame the Captain. He put me up to it. Duane Diamond D, on the receiving end of a double-team. A double DDT! Col. Khorne is trying to interfere, but he's held back by Tyrone Mayhem. Beast Light whips Duane to the buckle.
Duane runs right into it. The Rogue is cringing - he doesn't want to see this at all!
And with good reason. He's about to lose his stable's only current belt, and second ever.
Beast Light applies the Blackout sleeper. The arms are being raised: once...twice...three times! We have new champions, right here!
Here are your winners, and NEEEEEEW STWF Tag Team Champions, Milwaukee's Best!
The crowd is going wild! All-out brawl ensuing now. The Inner Circle and the Rogue's Gallery are really going at it! How many times do we need to see this happen?
As many times as necessary to reach the 18-24 male bracket, and increase our advertisin' fees.
In that case, let the brawl continue! Come on, ref, don't let them stop! Oh, that's just great! Now what? Oh right, Tyrone Mayhem to take on Michael Wackson.
The rest of the Inner Circle are leaving Mayhem to do his job.
And his opponent, from Never Never Land, (apparently), weighing 230 lbs., here is Michael Wackson!
("Bad" plays. Wackson dances to the ring. He has no accompaniment, strangely enough.)
That's odd, you'd think someone would be out here to cheer Wackson on. Especially when the Inner Circle isn't around.
The two men lock up. Mayhem starts off by bouncing Wackson off the ropes, and a big boot to the midsection of Wackson. Wackson with his patented enzuigiri kick to the neck. That'll do a number on ya.
Oh, so it's not because Wackson can't reach?
Wackson is taller than Mayhem by three inches. If he wanted to, he could go for the back of the head, I'm sure. Wackson, the middle rope, legdrop! He turns Tyrone over...and gets a slap to the face! Tyrone was playing possum.
A strange strategy. I wouldn't take a legdrop just to pretend to be out of it.
That's cause a legdrop would snap yo' back in half, old man.
You sure couldn't do it at Supercard III.
Stop your bickering, already, there's a match right here.
Thanks for reminding me! Because there's a match going on, I'd like to take this time to hype the next pay-per-view.
The STWF/CSTLL proudly presents "Unscented: An In-Your-Face Pay-Per-View." No gimmicks, no surprises, probably no angle developments either! It's just like a Nae Trous, but longer!
But we guarantee, it will contain something you've never, EVER, seen before in the STWF. It'll blow you away! That's Unscented - challenges are being taken now, so order today!
That was shameless. But at least it addressed a cliché we haven't done before. But tell me Captain, if there's no gimmicks, surprises or angle developments, what will he see that we haven't before?
Well gee, I guess you'll just have to order to find out, won't you?
I see. What's going on with the match, though? There it is! Tyrone with the Smackdown! Boy, we DID miss a lot, didn't we? The ref covers: 1...2...kickout.
Tyrone picks Wackson up again: ANOTHER SMACKDOWN! Nobody could possibly get up from two Smackdowns. Or can they? 1...2...I guess they can. Mayhem picks Wackson up,
is he going for a third? Wackson wisely gets out of the way. Double clothesline! The ref is starting the count. The crowd is yawning - I can smell the ratings dip now. There's ten.
Oh boy, a draw. Announcer Lad isn't even bothering. Both men get up and walk off as if nothing happened.
Guess they were just sick of wrasslin' o' sumpin'.
Who knows. This isn't an ordinary fed, as people might have guessed by now. And here's walking proof of that now.
Death has something to say. Here he comes now.
(Death stumbles to the ring. He has a bottle in one hand and a cigar in the other. He chomps on the cigar to grab the microphone.)
Death: Hey?! Did you think you were gonna see a boring Death? Come on, get real! There's nothing better than a bottle of vodka! Even Death likes to party. God, how do you think I died, anyway?
It sure wasn't for boredom. I bet you people were looking for one of those guys who feels no pain and seems to be dead. Well, first off, I don't wear makeup. And secondly, those guys are a bunch of pu<-BLEEP->ies!
So who the hell is ready to face Death? (smashes the empty bottle of vodka over his head). Come on, you chickens!
A drunken Death? This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. And ThatGuy can't be too happy about Death's stealing the bottle-smashing bit.
I like dis Death guy already!
JJJ Forbes is being pushed onto the ramp. It looks like someone is making him accept the challenge! Well, it's another paycheck for Forbes, what would he care if he loses.
Death with a large series of highly non-technical pounding maneuvers. Left slap, right European uppercut, left cross - ref warns him about the closed fists.
But closed fists are so easy to use, why not allow them?
There has to be some difference between wrestling and boxing. JJJ Forbes has no defense happening here. Death with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He covers: 1...2...and picks him up. What arrogance!
Now he's just laughing and showboating. Must be the vodka. Anyway, Death with a huge headbutt. Death with a reverse DDT! Why isn't Forbes doing anything, or more to the point, why isn't Death just finishing him off?
Because, V, debut performances have to make a guy look good, while showcasin' a lotta moves.
Okay, smart guy, explain Goldberg.
I have no comment at dis time.
Yeah, right. Death is finally giving his thumbs-down signal. It looks like we get to see the highly-anticipated Death Penalty!
Even BILL was highly anticipated.
He takes JJJ to the top rope. A BIG kneeling piledriver. The cover: 1...2...3! Death with a stellar debut.
Here is your winner, Death!
You know V, I think Death might get a kick outta the Aboriginals. They gotta lot in common.
Dont' go there. Death lights up another cigar and leaves the ring. Wait a minute, is that the Keeper there, at the top of the ramp?
They're involved in a stare-down. What does this mean?
I'll take a stab at it. Death just insulted the dark, mysterious archetype with his opening tirade. The Keeper probably thinks also,
that Death is giving the grim guys a bad name! A small brawl is underway, folks we're out of time! On Friday Friday Friday, you'll see the STWF Championship go on the line as B.F. Sack goes up against the Square.
Wrestler Smurf will make his return against Zebulon! Prisoner X will go up against the Tibetan Monk, and much more! Folks, on behalf of Angus "Vince" McMadden and Jamal Tupac Mustafa, I'm Captain Twilight saying,
keep your pants off!
HEY! That's my line!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre