Monday Nae Trous Turns Silver!
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior of the Slobberknocker Arena. The two pyro guys are sitting, holding sparklers and attempting to light cigarettes with them.
The security officials are trying to take the smokes away, but the threat of the flare guns makes them reconsider.)
WELCOME TO MONDAY NAE TROUS' SILVER ANNIVERSARY! That's right, we've been through 25 episodes,
and what a great time, because here in the STWF with boatloads of new talent, you just might say we have entered our silver age.
I couldn't agree more. Tonight's matches feature the rest of our newcomers. We have a triangle match set up,
and a tag team contest too!
Yeah, V, this is DOPE! I cain't wait to see if this Mikey Howell's all that.
I have no idea what you just said. And guess what kiddies? Because it's ourrr silverrr anniverrrsarrry, I get to rrroll my rrrs again!
Just like I did in the old days!
Oh God no. This will get really annoying, really fast. Our first match features The Pencil Necked Geek as he faces
"The Swinger" Mikey Howell, so here you go Jamal.
The following contest is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, from Computers Unknown, weighing...115 lbs?...THE PENCIL NECKED GEEK!
("The Beer Barrel Polka" plays. A bonerack of a man, with terrible taste in clothes, enters carrying a sign that says "UNIX forever, Windows never". He is being laughed at loudly.
He yells at them to shut up.)
And his opponent, from Easy Street, USA, weighing 220 lbs., "THE SWINGER" MIKEY HOWELL!
("Wannabe" by the Spice Girls plays. Mikey Howell enters to a small pop, which he takes as major heat. He sprays his underarms with his deodorant, then hits the ring.)
Man, did they say the PNG was 150 pounds? He's a bonerack!
No, he said one hundred and FIFTEEN.
Oh....Wait a minute, that's even worse!
Swingerrrr and Geek in the rrring. Howell with an arrrmdrrrag takedown. Howell picks up the Geek, and a big chop.
Howell with a kick to the midsection, and now a DDT. Howell is rrreally dominating this match!
Don't worry, I think that the PNG will definitely make a comeback. See, look at that, the Pencil Necked Geek just has a wristlock applied.
Howell gets to the ropes, eventually. Geek takes him off, and now a reverse chinlock. Pencil Neck is straining, trying to look powerful, but just receiving more laughs.
Geek lets go of the chinlock. Evidently, Pencil Neck is a submissions expert. Now if he could only get morrre strrrength behind his moves...
Howell with a clothesline. The coverrr: 1...2...Geek kicks out.
Man, Howell seems to have overestimated this nerd right here.
Howell takes PNG to the top rrrope...it looks like a Superrrplex...it is! Geek is down.
Here comes Anarchy to ringside. He's brought Harry's golems. What are THEY doing here? Might it have something to do with Anarchy's fiancée?
We'll soon find out. Howell seems to be getting rrready for the Spicebomb! But here comes a golem, to kick him in the back! A big clay footprint stays on Mikey's back as he drrrops.
Geek is taking the advantage, he's making the sharrrpening gesturrrre, it's time for the Sharrrpened Pencil! The rrref is asking, but wait, he sees the footprint, and calls off the match!
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, as a result of a disqualification, "THE SWINGER" MIKEY HOWELL!
Looks like nobody wins here. Anarchy's plan backfired, the Geek doesn't win, and Mikey Howell gets hurt. Mikey Howell raises his arms and leaves the ring area...the Geek is yelling at the ref,
but here comes StreetMime down from the rafters! He's pointing the imaginary bat at Pencil Neck. What does it all mean? Why is StreetMime continually doing this?
Looks like the nerd's mad. He slaps the Sharpened Pencil on StreetMime...StreetMime is out cold in a manner of seconds. The mime's goin' up, it almost looks like a hanging but he'll be fine.
Well, onto our next...
(the Rogue walks up the aisle with one tag belt on each shoulder
followed closely by the Indestructibles. Chris Powell is his normal huge self. Fans boo. One fan throws a
guitar formally belonging to the Honky Tonk Man. It disintegrates before
hitting the ground. One of the pyro guys quickly runs to get it, but seeing its condition, quickly runs back to his spot.)
The New Rogue: Listen up, you maggots!
Now shut your squirrel holes for a second and let me say something! Now I
know that the Gallery has been looked upon as sort of an inferior group of
wrestling hooligans who have no place in the sport today. Sure, I grant
you that nowhere else would you find the type of talent we boast; but I
deduce that it is my ingenious eye for talent that accounts for that
difference and not those of the blind, ignorant, and completely
billigerent fans of the STWF who suggest that we cannot compete with the
other alliances in this world-class organization! Well, idiots, as these
two leather straps on my shoulders will attest, I, as always, was proven
right again! Ha-la!!! And did you think that Powell's shrinking was real?
Look at the tape. (tape plays on the Monstron, in slo-mo) See, right there,
while that steam is coming out? Powell simply put his boots on his knees and stuck his lower legs inside his pants.
If you thought anything different, you're even stupider than I think you are!
(more boos. One fan is so caught up in the taunting that he allows Damien
to slither unattended out of his Ultimate Warrior knapsack and out to the
parking lot to freedom. The pyro guys' eyes light up and run after it.)
Now, I want to talk about these two young men who, once and for all, have
legitimized the Gallery. I am talking about Crushing Chris and Duane
Diamond, the Indestructibles. I discovered these two young men eating
tacos at a Chili Boy's in Lubbock, Texas, and from that first moment I
realized these men had what it takes to become stars in our sport. These
men come from very humble backgrounds, and this is a dream come true for
them. These young men have been so mistreaten by society that they have
never even had the opportunity to SEE gold, never mind own it. As boys,
they weren't even allowed to walk down a street with a jeweller's on it for
fear that they might steal to facilitate nourishment. This is the hell
that these men faced. And now their dream has come true!
(boos turn to tears. One fan wipes his eyes with a frayed yellow
And as a symbol of my gratitude, and of their lifelong goal being
fulfilled, I'd like to finally present these young men with the belts they
so deservedly earned.
I don't know, I've got a funny feeling about this.
Something weird is going to happen.
Yeah, I know what yous sayin'! I t'inks dat dose boys a' gonna turn
on da Rogue tanite!
Here you go, fellows. You deserve them.
(The New Rogue hands the belts over to the Indestructibles. They hold them
in their hands, and suddenly shriek with pain! Their hands begin
decomposing in front of their own eyes, and these symptoms quickly spread
to the rest of their bodies. The New Rogue looks on in shock)
Ah-ha! So dose boys weren't really In'structable at all!! Dey's got
what dey deserved!
A horrible flesh eating disease, probably caused by an
inherent allergy to gold eats them alive, and you say they got what they
Hey! I calls em like I sees em!!
If you boys arrre done? Who knows what this will mean for the Rrrogue's Gallerrry in the futurrre.
I think that whoeverrr gets the shot next will be prrretty lucky! On to the next match, as the Tibetan Monk faces Prrrisonerrr X.
This contest is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, accompanied by Dali Lama, from the Himalayan Mountains,
and weighing 275 lbs., THE TIBETAN MONK!
(The chants begin. Monk enters to loud boos. He just starts laughing as he enters the ring.)
And his opponent, from New York City, accompanied by various security officials, weighing 290 lbs., PRISONER X!
("Hell's Bells" by AC/DC plays. The man in bright orange enters in manacles. A mixed reaction, but somewhat big. The guards undo the manacles, and point towards the ring. X steps through the ropes and glares at them.)
Anotherrr double-debut match herrre on Monday Nae Trrrous. Prisonerrr X slaps the Monk's face. Monk looks mad and foot sweeps him, following with a legdrrrop. The coverrr? Monk doesn't even get a one count.
Rookie mistake by the Monk. Never cover until you're pretty darn sure you can get a three count. Otherwise, you're giving your opponent a rest.
Whateverrr. Prisonerrr X is up. Headbutt by the Prisonerrr. Irrrish whip across the rrropes, Monk ducks, X comes back, Monk back kicks! X is on the mat again. Monk going to the middle buckle forrr an elbowdrrrop. X rrrrrrrrrolls away!
Man, that "r" rolled WAY too much, V, now quit it or I'll bus' yo' face from here to the raftas!
Uh huh. Prisonerrr X with a spinning DDT. He picks up the Monk and starrrts choking the life out of him! The rrref counts 1, 2, 3, 4, X backs off. X with a gourdbuster.
Now the felon is getting somewhere! He just needed time.
Dali Lama is pounding the aprrron, attempting to get the Monk back in this. The Monk with a drrropkick! X staggerrrs. Monk doesn't follow up. Anotherrr rrrookie mistake, and Prrrisoner X to capitalize.
Monk is struggling, but X pounds him on the head, and the Tibetan Monk crumples. Prisoner X applies the Lockdown. Devastating submission maneuver. Monk is nodding his head.
Here is your winner, as a result of a submission, PRISONER X!
And therrre he goes! He's trrrying to escape thrrrough the crrrowd, but the guards arrre rrready for him. The manacles arrre applied once again as he is led away, the victorrr. Up next, I believe is a Twilight Zone segment. Cap? Floorrrr's yourrrs.
Oh boy! I haven't done a Twilight Zone in a long time!
Hello everyone. Welcome to the Twilight Zone. With me, Captain Twilight. My guest this week is one of our newcomers, fresh from a winning debut over Triple-J Forbes. You know I'm talking about the Tiger!
("Eye of the Tiger" plays. Tiger runs in and enters up the ringsteps.)
Tiger: First of all, Captain Twilight, let me say how honored I am to be
a part of STWF. Also let me say how happy I am to be standing here
talking to you. I mean, you were one of my idols growing up, and I was
under the impression that you had died many years ago!
You'd be amazed how many think that. So, what made you choose wrestling as a career path?
My high school guidance counselor. He said it was either this or
digging graves. So, obviously, after I flunked out of gravedigging school
I was left with no choice but to go to the Captain Twilight wrestling
Academy. And the rest is history.
I knew you looked familiar. Glad to see a success story come out of my school.
I hear you challenge Dr. Snare to a cage match. Any comments?
That's right. I mean, the guy calls himself the "master of the
cage match." I couldn't resist. And let me let you fans out there in on
a little inside info: "Doctor" Snare isn't even a doctor! As far as I
know, he didn't even go to college! I sure hope this doesn't affect the
We have a buyrate? Uh...um...okay. Could you please elucidate on your football history?
If I knew what "elucidate" meant, do you think I'd be a pro
wrestler? Look, I'll give you a straight answer: I was all-state two
years in a row in high school and was a consensus All-American in college.
However, I was banned from playing in the NFL after Commissioner Paul
Tagliabue handed down the official ruling that I was, quote, "bad to the
bone." I really don't know what he meant. I take pride in myself for
being a nice guy. There! I hope that's settled. Maybe now our beloved
Kommissaar will clear up that issue in my company bio.
Fat chance. Hahaha! It's as good as in stone.
So, what's up with this four-and-six thing, anyway? They're pretty distinct numbers. I'm 81 myself
and I may not have the faculties I did, but I at least know my numbers! How can you NOT tell the difference?
That's a tough question, Cap, but fair. What IS up with this four
and six thing, anyway? I don't know, man. Sometimes I just lose track of
things. On my first spot for the STWF, I wanted to make a big point, but I
screwed it up. I said I had four things to say, but I had five, so then I
had to cover my butt. The plan backfired, and I came off looking like a
retard. HEY! It's not the first time. Nor the last. But let me just
say that vicious rumor about my finisher is untrue. In closing, thanks to
all the fans who have given me such a warm welcome into the STWF, and,
Dr.Snare, hopefully I'll see you at Supercard. Thanks, Cap.
My pleasure. Snare will be issuing a response later tonight.
You know, I think that was the best interview I've ever done.
Thank you Captain. Next up, newcomerrrr T-Rrray faces The New Olympian, Ben Materrra.
WHAT?! Is Ben Matera still here? I thought he was booted out months ago!
No, he just didn't want to fight. Frankly, nobody really cared one way or the other.
This contest is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, from...ah who cares. THE NEW OLYMPIAN, BEN MATERA!
(The Olympic theme plays. It's drowned out by boos and chants of "We know you're Ken Patera!" Matera is covering his ears and shaking his head.)
And his opponent, from Beavertrail, Georgia, weighing an even 400 lbs., T-RAY!
("Truckin'" blares over the PA. T-Ray is wearing jeans, and his "If it ain't fixed don't break it" hat. A good crowd reaction, and yet more PMCW signs are confiscated.)
I wonder what Rimshot thinks of the sign confiscation. After all, Jack Dealer and the Vegas Connection work in the PMCW too.
Good thing Der Kommissaarrr is okay with ourrr wrrrestlerrr's moonlighting.
T-Ray barrrrrrels into Materrra. T-Ray now goes forrr a standing splash on the New Olympian.
Man, those rolled "r"s are makin' me ill. I'm commen'n' on dis match from now on.
T-Ray goin' up top, and DOOOOWN wit' 'is bad self with a double axhandle. Now Matera's up and man, is he beggin' off.
Da trucker ain't gonna have no part 'a dat. Belly-ta-belly suplex. Matera is leavin' da ring. He don't wanna fight no' mo.
YOUR terrible speech pattern is making ME ill. I'm going to finish this match. And you'll both let me, because you respect your elders.
(They try to interrupt) Uh-pupupupupupup. No way! T-Ray is getting frustrated at the lack of co-operation he's receiving. He leaves the ring and grabs Matera.
T-Ray takes Matera and slams him into the ringsteps! The clunk echoes nicely. He then tosses the New Olympian into the ring, over the top rope, from the ring floor!
T-Ray rolls back in, gives a truck-horn cord-pulling gesture, and WOW! What a move, backbreaker powerbomb! This one is over. 1...2...3. Matera didn't have a chance.
Here is your winner, T-RAY!
We'll be right back after these short commercial messages. And then maybe I'll let my companions have the mic again. If they're good.
There comes a time, only once a year, when everyone gets together for one purpose: To beat the hell out of each other, make a name for themselves,
and maybe make a few bucks while they're at it. That time is referred to, at least in these circles, as SUPERCARD.
SUPERCARD III is coming soon. We already have twelve fantastic matches. But is that enough? Hell no! EVERYONE gets a match.
If you don't make a challenge, one will be made for you. Whether you like it or not, YOU FIGHT.
SUPERCARD III. IT'S BIG. AND IT'S COMING.
First, the NWF started selling pancakes. Then, the HCW began with the English Muffins. Not to be outdone, the STWF has jumped on the foodstuffs bandwagon.
Introducing STWF cereal! Toasted oat belts, and cute little marshmallow superstars! There's red Rimshots, green El Spheroses, pink Sugarplum Harries,
orange Tigers, and of course, blue Wrestler Smurfs. And there's a prize inside every one!
(Boy reaches into box)
Oh yeah! A strip of barbed wire, just like they use in the STWF!
(He cuts his hand)
OW! Now that's hardcore.
Yes, that's STWF cereal, in stores soon!
Warning: STWF cereal may cause birth defects. Please consult a physician before using. Do not operate heavy machinery when eating STWF cereal. Not available where prohibited by law.
And we're back! We have a special triangle match for you now. In the "battle of the Inanimate Managers", Nip the Necrophiliac, Wrestler Smurf and Mira Maniac will do battle
right here, and we'll see just what gives the best advice.
Yeh, I liked that one, V. "What" gives the best advice. Hee hee, you da man, V.
Oh, quit kissing up, and let's just get to the match, already.
This triangle match is set for one fall! Making his way towards the ring, accompanied by Bunny, weighing 268 lbs., NIP THE NECROPHILIAC!
("The Blue Danube Waltz" wafts out of the P.A. The man with the sunken eyes and the stovepipe hat enters to loud boos and mumbles of disgust.)
Next, accompanied by Smurfette, from Smurf Village and weighing 325 lbs., WRESTLER SMURF!
("The Smurf Dirge" on the church organ plays. More loud boos. Wrestler Smurf ignores them, and enters the ring where he starts to weep in a corner.)
And finally, from Hollywood, California, accompanied by Mira2 and weighing 170 lbs., MIRA MANIAC!
("Can't Get Enough of Your Love Babe" thumps out of the PA, forcing the technicians to fix the woofers lest they blow. The crowd reacts positively, if for nothing else than default. Mira Maniac enters,
sets up the tripod, kisses the poster and hops up the ringsteps.)
Thrrree grrreat competitorrrs. Rrrememberrr, therrre can be only ONE!
That line's been done by the Highlander.
And In Your House: Final Four.
Nip with a Rrrussian Legsweep on Maniac. Smurrrf with a legdrrrop. Smurrrf now bodyslams Nip. He goes to the middle rrrope...now the top rrrope! Maniac is up and gives him some punches!
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!
And the crowd is really getting into this matchup. Nip sets up Maniac for a reverse DDT...but Wrestler Smurf is right there. He pulls Nip away and gives the Necro a reverse DDT of his own!
The ref counts: 1...2...but Maniac stops the Smurf cold.
What fo'? Two guys gotta be 'liminated fa this ta end.
Tell it to Maniac. Smurrrf drrropkicks Maniac. He's now pounding on Maniac's head. Nip sets up Maniac forrr the figurrre-fourrr leglock. Maniac is strrruggling to rrreach the rrropes...then he perrrks up his earrr. He's trrrying to rrreverse it...
can he do it? He's getting some momentum, but can his weight carrrrry him overrr? YES! The figurrre-fourrr has been rrreversed! Nip is trrrying to rrre-rrreverse it but can't. He's tapping out!
I suppose that movie poster really DOES give good advice. Who knew? It's down to Smurf and Maniac now. Maniac is psyched up, coming off of that elimination. He's chopping away at the blue man.
The crowd is on its feet! Maniac bounces Smurf off the ropes, and a big elbow by Mira Maniac. Smurf is down. One more elbowdrop for good measure. And might we see the Replacement Killer?
Wait, what's Smurrrf doing? He's grrrabbing his manager and holding it to his earrr...nodding...nodding, Maniac comes down outside the rrring wherrre Smurrrf is. Smurrrf nails Mira Maniac with Smurrrfette! He rrrrrrrrolls Maniac back in.
Now he's slapping on his crrrossface...
Man, that awful song! I cain't stand it! Hey, looks like Maniac submits too.
The winner of this contest, WRESTLER SMURF!
Wrestler Smurf opens the zipperback of Smurfette to reveal a brick! So that's what it was. He drops the brick, closes the zipper, kisses Smurfette, and skips out of the ring.
I suppose that's the best managerrr you can get: One you can use as an object! But herrre comes Kandi and herrrr boys.
DOOM: What's sup people??!?!?!?!
(Some reaction, mostly apathetic grunts. Slight pop increase as the "Master of the
Cage Match" Dr. Snare, and the newest addition to Paranoia, Stealth
Bomber, join DOOM and Kandi in the ring.)
DOOM: We're here to address Supercard III everyone. Now everyone
knows who we are, everyone knows what we can do, and everyone knows we
will do what it takes to win. That's why we have a challenge for the
Equators for the upcoming PPV.
Who the hell are the Equators?
I believe he's referring to Mexico Unlimited, but...oh whatever.
Kandi: That's right, Paranoia vs. the Equators at Supercard III!
Looks like they all got a case of NWF overlap syndrome, if y'all axin' me.
Kandi: DOOM, Dr. Snare, Stealth, and myself vs. El Spheros, Cube, Pepe, and El
Dr. Snare: And put it in a cage!
Stealth Bomber: And make it an elimination match, you're pinned, you're
out, till there's one man left standing in the ring. Do you accept?
HUH?! They didn't address Tiger at all! He's bound to be pissed at this.
Here comes Mexico Unlimited now. Tiger is right beside them?
El Presidente: Jhoo mics comm out here and expect os to agree to a match like that? Jhoo don' show jhour faces 'round here
for weeks on end, and then jos' comm out here makeeng demands? I tell jhoo khwhat. Tiger here asked Dr. Snare to a cage match. Jhoo accept that.
I am El Presidente, and I weel make eet khappen khwhether jhoo like eet or not. As for the match between os and jhoo...El Presidente doss not wrestle.
I khave been forced een the NWF reeng time and again, khwhen jhoo know I no wrestle. A six-man tag, one fall, no cage. Doom, Stealth Bomber, and Kandi eef jhoo khwant,
take on El Spheros, Koobe, and Pepe here. The woman and meedget about balance. Jhoo accept? No? Toff. I am El Presidente, and I weel make it khappen. See jhoo at Supercard! Juar juar juar.
What an amazing display right there. I had no idea El Presidente still had power.
Oh, he does. Why else do you think we still have the annual Mexico Madness? He used to own the STWF. Why do you think it's still called the CSTLL?
I suppose. Our final match this evening features Milwaukee's Best, our newest tag team, as they step up to the plate against the Aboriginals.
This is the final match? Well, I don't care about it. I'm outie. SEEya! (Takes off his headphones.)
Wait! But...oh well. Both teams arrre in the rrring.
Beast Light and Aborrriginal 1 to starrrt off. 1 tags to 2 immediately for the double-teaming tactic. They double clothesline Light. A1 leaves and A2 picks him up forrr...some move I've neverrr seen beforrrre.
Probably because he just made it up. Drunk guys have new insights. I'm just not sure how effective an ab-rake is. A2 goes for the deadly nipple-twist! These Aboriginals are sick puppies!
Beast Light looks disgusted, and tags his big brother. A2 is begging off! He goes to tag A1, but A1 wants no part of this guy. Beast with a gutwrench suplex. Beast picks him up for a backbreaker, and another one!
Snapmare takeover by the Beast. A2 is being manhandled!
The Rrrogue looks none too happy. He may have the tag belts, but the Aborrriginals should at least be able to hold theirrr own.
Beast tags Light. Light with an enzuigiri kick, right on target! A2 looking for the tag, but A1 seems to have ambled away. A2 is alone. And here comes the Blackout sleeper.
Shouldn't be too difficult to put the guy out, he's already half-dead drunk. The ref is raising the arms - once, twice, three times. Forget about it.
Here are your winners, MILWAUKEE'S BEST!
That was quick. An imprrressive debut perrrforrrrmance. That's all the time we have. Next week on Nae Trrrous, I'll be back with no accent. Oh, and Bohemoth will put his title up against Anarchy.
But beforrre that, on an accentless FFF, we'll see the Executioner take on DOOM, Sugarplum Harry vs. Wrestler Smurf, the Pencil-Necked Geek vs. JJJ Forbes, and much more! Forrr Captain Twilight, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden saying, Keep yourrr pants off!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre