Monday Nae Trous #23
En español donde sea disponible!
Welcome everyone to MONDAY NAE TROUS! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, along with of course,
Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa. And WE'RE NOT WEARING PANTS! I wish I didn't have to say that every week.
Hey V, where are the pyro guys? No sparklers and flare guns?
Hmmm...Camera Guy? Check it out.
(The camera pans to right underneath the Monstron. The two technicians are laid out.
One holds a simple red wand with a black tip. The other holds somethind similar, except it's bulkier at the base. Camera guy picks it up,
and presses a button on it. A blue line of electricity races across the black tip.)
So THAT'S where they went.
Well, we really have to hurry these matches up, we're given less time due to the stupid DOG SHOW. Blecch.
First up, in the ICCTINACBBIC tourney, Michael Wackson takes on "Black" Jack Dealer. Both men in the ring. Rimshot, Presto and Gruff in Jack's corner,
Messenger Boy and Anarchy in Wackson's.
Dealer with an armbar. He whips Wackson to the ropes, and Wackson with a flying forearm. Dealer right back up. He throws Wackson outside. Dealer attempts a plancha and misses.
Presto right there, and nails Michael Wackson with the lead wand! Anarchy taps Presto on the shoulder. Presto turns around slowly and begs off. He then goes to hide behind Gruff.
The two brothers stare at each other! What tension!
Uh, V? The match?
Oh right. Both guys brawling inside the ring, blah blah blah, DDT by Wackson! The cover: 1...2...and Dealer kicks out.
Dealer with a powerbomb! The cover: 1...2...kickout. Dealer setting up for a Superplex...Wackson gets out, and applies it himself! He's making the sign for the Moonwalk Moonsault...hits!
The ref is being distracted! NO! He's back. 1...2...3! Dealer was down for a good long time.
Here is your winner, MICHAEL WACKSON!
That match was way too quick. Stupid dog show.
And Wackson is a semi-finalist. He'll face the winner of Pedro Chang and Cube, coming up later.
Next up, Johnny "Irish" Berkowski faces Zebulon. Chubby at ringside...
Berkowski with some chops. Zebulon responds by spitting in Johnny's face and laughing! Disgusting. Zeb whips Johnny Irish to the buckle, Zebulon for a shoulderblock, but Berkowski moves away.
Berkowski with the roll-up: 1..2..no. Chubby complains about a slow count, but the ref says it was actually fast, and I'm inclined to agree.
Me too. And Zebulon looks annoyed.
I still say Chubby looks like Jason Howe.
Irish Berkowski with a Polish-Irish-American Boston Crab.
What? Not from Quebec too? Let's stick in some more nationalities.
Don't ask me.
Do crabs even COME from Quebec?
Probably just from the guys.
Captain Twilight! I'm shocked at you. Zebulon with a headbutt and a belly-to-belly. The cover: 1...2...no.
Johnny goes to the middle rope for a Polish-Irish-American cross-body. Now a kneelock: Zebulon not submitting...not submitting...at the ropes.
Gruff comes to ringside for a better view, I think.
We all KNOW what that means, you don't need to THINK at all.
Berkowski with a Polish-Irish-American Spinebuster. The cover: 1...2...no. Zebulon seems to have just received second wind!
He's giving the signal for the Strip Mine! Here it...Gruff comes in and knocks Zebulon flat! The ref is calling for the bell.
Your winner as a result of a disqualification...JOHNNY "IRISH" BERKOWSKI!
Zebulon chasing Gruff away with a pickaxe, but Gruff's legs are long enough for him to evade. Zebulon lets the mongoose loose! Oh this'll cause all kinds of chaos.
Quick break, right back.
Worst Case Scenario is two weeks away! The Worst Case Scenario teams are as follows:
For Mexico Unlimited: El Spheros, Cube, Pepe, José and Julio;
For the Rogue's Gallery: Col. "Pops" Khorne, Très Sheik, Aboriginal 2, Duane Diamond D and Crushing Chris Powell;
For the Asylum Alliance: Bohemoth, ThatGuy, Dizzy Desi, Sasquatch and a Mystery Madman;
For Apocalypse: Anarchy, Michael Wackson, The Keeper, Sugarplum Harry, and one of the golems;
For the Entertainment Industry: Lester Leary, Larry Lowbrow, Presto Cadabra, Gruff, and....RIMSHOT!
PLUS! Ironman will defend his belt against the number one contender, the Warrior Gods put their belts up against the Indestructibles, and Zebulon will take on Gruff!
That's Worst Case Scenario: An In-Your-Face pay-per-view. Order today!
Pedro Chang and Cube are twiddling their thumbs in the ring, waiting for the commercials to end, which they just did.
Haven't heard too much from either of these guys lately. We can only imagine what can happen.
Chang with a jawbreaker to start things off - very unlikely maneuver. Cube with a gorilla press - do these guys know anything about opening gambits?
Chang right into the Doctorbomb.
Hold on. I think I know the problem here. (He leaves.)
Chang whips Cube into the guardrail. Chang nails Cube with a cobra clutch. Cube reaches the ropes after being trapped for 7 seconds.
Why do we sound so stupid? It's like I can't control what I say! Chang hits cube with an earringer. Kordell Woodson is back on the job.
Strange, Kordell Woodson isn't even an STWF referee! Nice to hear that he's back on the job though. Cube executes a Hotshot.
Here's the damn problem. Oliver Copp snuck in and started messin' with the scriptwriters. But I fixed that. Here he is.
Perfect solution here. (Captain Twilight throws Oliver Copp into the ring)
Both men stomping on Oliver Copp. That'll teach him to mess with OUR scripts. But now Chang goes up for the LA Hangover and nails Cube!
The cover: 1...2...3! Oh yeah, and we have all our semi-finalists!
Here is your winner, "THE CHINESE SPIC" PEDRO CHANG!
I just hope Copp doesn't show his face in the Slobberknocker Arena ever again.
Actually, we've found a new arena where Friday Friday Friday will be held. The Cowpie Palace.
I heard o' that place. Smells pretty funky, though.
But cheap to rent. Final match: Executioner vs. DOOM for the number-one contender's spot.
This should be one hell of a match! Executioner with a standing wristlock. DOOM reverses it. A hammerlock by DOOM. Executioner gets to the ropes.
A Russian legsweep by the Executioner, and a legdrop finds its mark soon thereafter. Another legdrop, and a cover: 1...2...DOOM bridges out.
Impressive. DOOM bridging like that? Never would have guessed.
There's Kandi at ringside, cheering on DOOM, and Stealth Bomber is there as well. Dr. Snare is suspiciously absent.
Aw...he'll be here Friday when he `n' Bomber take on the Bad <-BLEEP->ses.
Trying to see if the 7-second tape delay guys are paying attention, are we?
DOOM is up...cross-face chickenwing on the Executioner. Executioner is writhing! Wow....DOOM really has his mojo working today.
Kandi and Bomber look really satisfied. Well, Executioner's not giving up anytime soon, so DOOM lets go. DOOM attempts a fistdrop, but Exec rolls out.
DOOM is shaking and blowing on his hand. Executioner with a MASSIVE clothesline! The cover: 1...2...shoulder up, ooh that was close.
A little too close for DOOM, I think. DOOM resorts to an eyerake. He now goes for a backstretch on Executioner. Executioner still not submitting...
some shifty maneuver by Exec puts DOOM in an inside cradle: 1..2..kickout. Whew! DOOM is really getting close to losing his spot here.
Executioner whips DOOM and gives him a big boot. Now a swinging neckbreaker that looks like it was lifted from Col. Khorne himself.
How would you like me to tell Executioner you said that?
Go ahead, I'm not scared of him. I've faced plenty tougher in my sixty-five year span.
Fine. Executioner sets up a table, and we all know what THAT means!
Iss time fo' the Death Sentence!
You got THAT right. Executioner going to the top rope...DEATH SENTENCE! DOOM is done. The cover with one finger: 1...2...and Executioner is facing Ironman at
IYF:WCS. Stealth Bomber comes in and pummels the Executioner. It's futile though, the Executioner is psyched! Oh no, a Death Sentence on Stealth Bomber too! He's REALLY going to have a tough time
in this tournament if he keeps receiving these little inconveniences.
I think he can do it. Anyone who's injured has a better chance of winning a wrestling match. Look at the statistics!
How true...well we're out of time. Stay tuned for the - ugh - dog show. I'll be in the Cowpie Palace with Gary Gourmando on Friday Friday Friday. Join us then!
But now, for Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden saying, Keep your pants off!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre