Monday Nae Trous #22
(Note: Yes, I realize the banner is simple, and looks crummy, but that's the point, just like the front graphic.)
(A large pair of pants floats across the screen,
then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior of the Slobberknocker Arena. The pyrotechnicians are there. One holds a teal pesticide sprayer.
On the side, in white, the word "Arrogance" is written. They are playing with it, then put it down to use the flare guns
and sparklers.)
Welcome everyone to Monday Nae Trous! With me as always, are Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa! And a great show lined up for you.
We will have two matches in the ICCTINACBBIC tourney tonight. And another great match as...
(Rogue's Gallery theme music plays)
Not again. Are these guys EVER scheduled to wrestle?
It's the Rogue, and the Indestructibles, with Col. "Pops" Khorne, I guess as insurance.
The Rogue: Hello, redneck scum! I am still the Rogue, and you know by now the Indestructibles. You also know that we could get a title shot
whenever we please, because these are the number-one contenders. But we need to prove something first. We want to beat a certain team here, before we try for the gold.
Warrior Gods, your belts are safe for now. But we want to face the team of Pedro Chang and the ChumpChamp! HA-LA!
The ICCTINACBBIC belt is vacant! Who's he talkin' about?
I heard that, Jamal, and it's IRONMAN, stupid. Los Gringos Locos, get your butts out here PRONTO!
I don't think Ironman's a chump champ. Mind you, he's getting a lot of flack from a lot of people lately, like Bohemoth and Zebulon, and the Executioner...
We get the point, but that doesn't take away from his ability in the ring. Hey look, here they come now.
The Right Hand Man is getting the match contract signed now...and the
***bell rings.
For the first time in their stint here, Duane Diamond D starts things off. He looks rather confident in those Dudley-style sunglasses.
Daily reference from Captain Twilight. Pedro Chang to lock horns with D. Chang starts with an enzuigiri to the neck, but Duane's traps and neck are way too big for that to do any damage.
He crosses his arms and laughs. Chang kneels for a low blow, but Duane grabs Pedro's forearm and stops it cold. He now pulls up Chang by the forearm and flings him right at Ironman.
The champion dodges Chang, who drops onto the ringside floor. The ref is counting: 1...2...3...4...Ironman pulls Chang and rolls him into the ring, then tags himself in. Smart move by the champ.
I don't think so. Why would he WANT to cause himself injury like this?
Ever pause to think that maybe Ironman can WIN this match for the team?
(pause)...Nope. I can't see that.
Duane Diamond D and Ironman in the ring. Ironman goes for some martial-arts kicks, but D cartwheels out of the way and applies a German suplex! I don't believe these guys. They're unstoppable! Duane goes to tag "Crushing" Chris Powell.
Powell has already been likened to Bill Goldberg, except Powell is handsomer and clean-shaven.
And Chris Powell's got hair!
Well yes, that too. Ironman could be in serious trouble right here. Powell with a reverse atomic drop. Powell now spinning Ironman around like pizza dough. The crowd is silent. I don't think they believe what they're seeing any more than we do!
Chris Powell applies the million-dollar-dream sleeperhold with those gigantic arms, and he's flapping the champ around like a rag doll. Now Ironman is still. His arm is being raised: Once. It drops.
This is a black day for the STWF, folks.
Twice. It drops. The crowd is on its feet, hoping that Ironman will regain consciousness.
Man, you all suckas aincha? You all KNOW he gonna regain consciousness.
The arm is raised for the final time...
Oh, I can't watch!
I'm not gonna bother lookin'. I know whass gonna happen.
***bell rings.
Here are your winners, as a result of a submission, THE INDESTRUCTIBLES!
WHAT?!
I can hardly believe it myself. The Indestructibles are undefeated in the STWF, but none of the teams have given them any competition. The Warrior Gods are right to hide. And they'd better cherish those belts while they've got 'em.
Let's get to the next match before the Rogue gets to gloat, shall we? It's our first ICCTINACBBIC belt match. Number one seed Col. "Pops" Khorne will take on newcomer, and seed #8, Pimp of the Year.
Gotta give it to the Colonel. He a veteran, and smart to boot. As for da Pimp, I like da guy, but damn if he gonna move on.
But Pimp of the Year has the Entourage, who will be more than happy to help him out.
This contest is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring, accompanied by his entourage, from New York City and weighing 244 lbs., PIMP OF THE YEAR!
("Jungle Boogie" by Kool and the Gang blares. PotY enters to a good crowd reaction. The entourage follows right behind. No Legs starts "dancing" in the ring as he is placed there.)
And his opponent, accompanied by the Rogue and the Aboriginals, weighing 220 lbs., COLONEL "POPS" KHORNE!
(The heavy metal "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays. Khorne throws some bags of popcorn to the crowd, then collects the money. He runs to the ring and dropkicks No Legs out of it.)
***bell rings.
These two are ready to get it on! The Colonel with a Russian Leg Sweep. Now a flying elbowdrop...misses its mark. Pimp gets up for one of his own...hits! Now Pimp with the big middle-rope splash. Yes! The cover: 1...kickout.
Khorne weighs less than Pimp, but not enough for a weak cover like that one.
Khorne whips Pimp to the buckle, and goes for a shoulderblock, but PotY dodges. "Pops"' shoulder rams right to the post. That's gotta hurt even more for a guy Khorne's age. I should know!
Pimp with the inside cradle: 1...kickout. PotY is getting frustrated. He makes a signal to Loc Dog, who starts barking and flailing his limbs. Pimp grabs Busta's cane, and is about to use it, when the Rogue stops him.
The ref turns around and warns Pimp of possible DQ. Khorne with some chops to Pimp of the Year's chest. Now he bounces off the ropes, but Tito trips him. Khorne falls flat on his face. The Aboriginals are mad at that, swipe his suitcase, and bash him over the head.
They then throw it up to the ring to get rid of it. The Colonel catches it. PotY is just about to try a tackle when Khorne shields himself with the suitcase. Pimp is down! The ref is calling for the bell...
Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification, PIMP OF THE YEAR!
What an upset victory! The Rogue is complaining, and so is Khorne, that it's Tito's suitcase, and Khorne just happened to catch it. The ref will hear nothing of it. So of course, the Rogue's Gallery beats the hell out of the ref. The backup, Raoul Ramon Ramirez, is ready to take on his duties.
Pimp of the Year moving on. He will be facing the winner of the next match: Stealth Bomber vs. Tortilla Tito. Right after this short break.
After Heart-Breaking Hell, and before SUPERCARD, comes a card that is...a blatant cash grab between major pay-per-views. The STWF/CSTLL proudly presents "Worst Case Scenario: An In-Your-Face pay-per-view". Representatives from all five stables will be in a steel cage. You can only be eliminated by being thrown over the cage. And the perils outside that cage?
You'll just have to watch to find out. Plus, the Indesctructibles will take on the Warrior Gods for the tag team titles. And more? Who knows. That's WORST CASE SCENARIO. Coming soon!
This episode of Monday Nae Trous has been brought to you by Fat Matt Gigantic Beef Jerky Sticks for the Morbidly Obese. Fat Matt are the Jerky Sticks that scream "Bite Me!" That's Fat Matt jerky sticks. Who you callin' "slim"?
Hmmm...Fat Matt must be runnin' out of money. That commercial was pretty damn short.
Stealth Bomber and Tortilla Tito are in the ring right now. Kandi and Salsa are at ringside.
A harsh debut for poor Tito. Having to take on the last ICCTINACBBIC champ. Well, let's see how he does!
Tito has been doing his homework. He knows of Bomber's injury to the neck at the hands of the Keeper, and clotheslines him. He now legdrops Bomber right across the neck!
A fistdrop to the neck. Stealth Bomber is in agony!
He's such a competitor. He wanted that belt so bad, he decided to enter the tournament knowing it could end his career.
Tortilla Tito is working the crowd while Bomber is down. Tito applies a dragon sleeper. The ref raises the arm once...it stays in mid-air. I suppose Bomber is not as bad as suspected. Tito goes for a piledriver...he can't lift him.
Bomber reverses it, and powerbomb! Bomber goes for a double chickenwing submission. Tito runs to the ropes and well, he has no arms free, so he bites a rope. The ref breaks the hold.
Better clean up those ropes too.
Bomber with a reverse atomic drop. The cover: 1...2...no.
Look! In the rafters!
Oh no, not StreetMime again! What does he want?
StreetMime doesn't speak, so he can't tell us...
He could mime it to us...
StreetMime comes to ringside via his rappelling belt. He points the imaginary bat at Tito! Tito just knocks him down and executes his Dorito Drop! He rolls StreetMime out of the ring, and Stealth Bomber rolls up Tito. Ramirez counts: 1...2...3!
Ramirez is a ref who is willing to let more slide. Our other ref would have called a no contest once StreetMime started dropping. Nevertheless, Tito has been eliminated from the tourney.
I'm receiving word that something's going on in the back.
(Shot of a locker room. The Inevitables are there, and so is the Entertainment Industry. Rimshot is in a corner, bound and gagged.)
Lester Leary: Man, you guys are so stupid! You kidnap a manager, and hide him in the LOCKER ROOM? That's pathetic. JACK!
Larry Lowbrow: I don't know what you're trying to pull, but this joke is over. We'll get you yet for this. (He unties Rimshot.)
Harbinger: Hey! Stop that! (Hits Larry)
(Just then, the Industry moves in on the Inevitables. Gruff takes Therriault and powerslams him. "Black" Jack Dealer pulls out a razorblade playing card and slices Taxes with it. Presto Cadabra and Lester Leary attack Harbinger and pummel him.)
Presto Cadabra: You two should be ashamed of yourselves. And copying Sugarplum Harry at that. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
At least we didn't have to draw THAT angle out. So on to our last match...Bohemoth takes on Anarchy. Both men are in the ring, and in fact the match is in progress. Anarchy has had the upper hand so far.
Bohemoth takes another shot to the gut. Anarchy winding up for something big, but Bohemoth clips Anarchy's knee. Bohemoth with a double underhook DDT, which in some circles is called a "pedigree".
Thank goodness it's the last match of the evening. You're a reference machine today.
Hey! I could have brought up Rick Martel at the start of the show, but chose to hold my tongue.
Whoops.
Bohemoth with a big kneedrop. He rolls Anarchy over: 1...2...no! Sugarplum Harry is yelling at Anarchy to get up. The golems are looking worried, if they can express emotion.
Naw, it's the folds in their clay that makes 'em look worried like that.
Good point. Anarchy lands a decent fisherman's suplex. The cover: 1...Ramirez notices that in a fisherman's suplex, the shoulders don't touch the mat.
Oh yeah! Hunh. Who knew.
I did, for starters. Bohemoth headbutts Anarchy with his miner's helmet. Now a jawbreaker on same! He's going to the top rope for the SMASHER! The two golems are trying to knock him off the rope...Bohemoth grabs a handful of clay from each of them!
The golems scream in pain.
I'd scream too if someone ripped some of my skin off like that.
Really? I've got DOOM's meathook from the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl right here. I'd like to test that theory.
Captain Twilight, that's terrible. Here, pass me the meathook, I'll do it.
Man, you guys have lost it. I outie.
Well, we got rid of Jamal, but I wish we could have done it sooner. Bohemoth still fighting the golems on the outside, Anarchy still on the floor. Bohemoth gets away, and executes the SMASHER!
What's he doing? He's taking the clay, and placing it underneath Anarchy's shoulders. The cover: 1...2...Anarchy struggles, but the clay glues him down. Three.
Here is your winner....and NEEEEEEEW STWF North American champion, BOHEMOTH!
Apocalypse comes in and beats on Bohemoth for his actions. But here comes the Alliance! The chants are starting! Hey look, there's a "ThatGuy: Bite Me" sign.
It's chaos here. But wait, here comes the Entertainment Industry! All three stables are going at it!
The Rogue's Gallery and Mexico Unlimited enter the fray. If this doesn't set up an all-out stable-war, I have NO idea what does.
Folks, we're out of time. Thanks for joining us, and on behalf of Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden saying, Keep your pants off!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre