Welcome to Monday Nae Trous!

(A large pair of pants floats across the screen, then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior. Two guys are holding sparklers and shooting flare guns in the air. Pan to announcers.)
Legend: Angus McMadden's colour is this; Jamal Tupac Mustafa's is this; Captain Twilight's is this; and this is the ring announcer's. Clear?

Welcome everyone to Monday Nae Trous! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, and with me as always is Rogue's Gallery correspondent Jamal Tupac Mustafa and Captain Twilight, the actively retired octogenarian wrestler, and WE'RE NOT WEARING PANTS!
(whispers to offscreen) Must I say that every week? (cattle prod appears from offscreen) Alrrright! Alrright! You don't have to be that way!
Well anyway, we have a great show for you, and Jamal, I understand you're wrestling today.
Thazz right, V. I'm da hardest head in da bidness, an' I be kickin' it in da house tooo-night, with my good pal Sweeeeet Candy Andy!
Yes, they'll be taking on the Circus Freaks this week. Apparently, last week, we thought Dizzy Desi has a broken rib, but that wasn't the case - his back cracked like his knuckles.
And you expect us to swallow that story, do you?
Yes, you have no choice, I'm afraid. This is pro wrestling and as a result everyone has to believe our stories to prrreserrrve continuity.
Alright, but please, we know you're Scottish but quit it with those rolling "r"s. But our first match is up now: You'll see Bohemoth as he takes on Cross-Eyed Chris Armstrong. It should be interesting as both men have visual impairments.
Making his way towards the ring, from Charleston, WV, weighing in at 490 lbs., BOHEMOTH!
(Grieg's "In the Hall of the Mountain King" plays. Bohemoth slowly comes out wearing his soiled coveralls and miner's helmet. He is still using the blind man's cane. Decent pop.)
And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 266 lbs., Cross-Eyed CHRIS ARMSTRONG!
(Rogue's Gallery theme song - a variation of the nWo theme. Sad but true. Chris wavers back and forth to the ring. He wears a Rogue's Gallery T-shirt (his profile in an ornate frame) with brown trunks and aviation goggles. A few boos from the audience.)
They're BOOIN' my homey? Man, the Rogue hates it when they boo his gimmicks...
Is that a hint?
***bell rings.
I'd like to note a correction. Bohemoth is the second-tallest in the EBW at 6'11", not the Stick at 6'10", as we said last week. Okay, here we go. Bohemoth starts off with a big belly-to-belly suplex. Armstrong already looks winded! Bohemoth goes for a splash, and lands it nicely. He picks Armstrong up, bounces against the ropes, and a clothesline sends Chris flying. I don't think Chris knows what hit him! Chris is up, shakes his head a bit, and starts punching - nothing lands, they're all off to Bohemoth's left or right. They don't call him Cross-Eyed for nothing!
I don't quite like the tone of yo' voice, V. Armstrong is a good competitor and he'll destroy Bohemoth even if I have to get in the ring and interf...but I've said too much already.
Bohemoth with a sidewalk slam. The cover: 1...2...and shoulder just barely up by Chris Armstrong. Bohemoth picks Chris up and ARMSTRONG WITH THE SMALL PACKAGE!
No way in hell is THAT package small. That's an extra large. The quick count: 1.2.Bohemoth kicks out and boy, is he mad! Armstrong wisely slips out of the ring, leaving Bohemoth very confused indeed. What's this? Armstrong sneaking up behind Bohemoth, and neckbreaker from behind! Dirty pool, but clever, taking advantage of Bohemoth's half-blindness. The cover: 1...2...and Bohemoth kicks out again.
See? I toldja he was a good competitor. Now Chris tries to go for a suplex, but can't lift him. Tries again...no. Bohemoth now, picks him up and NO! A snap suplex by Bohemoth. 'Sup widdis?
Jamal, you'll have to learn proper English if you want to keep this job, I don't care if you networked with the rogue STWF executive. Bohemoth now whips Armstrong into the turnbuckle and AVALANCHE! Chris is down, and I doubt he's getting up.
I'll see about dat. (Takes off his headphones.)
Where are you going? In my day, announcers never left the booth - we were chained there! Jamal comes in to stop Bohemoth from covering. Bohemoth is fuming! He picks up the cross-eyed one as a human shield and charges Mustafa! Heads collide and Jamal is out of the ring as quickly as he came in. Bohemoth now with a belly-to-back and a legdrop with that chunky drumstick of his! The cover: 1...2...3!
Here is your winner...BOHEMOTH! (crowd pop)
This ain't over. Not by a longshot! COME ON IN, BOYS!
(The Rogue and Sweet Candy Andy come to the ring. The Rogue has a Gallery T-shirt, black pants and slicked back hair. Sweet Candy Andy has a pimp daddy hat, wraparound shades, a fur-trimmed cape, and a silver duck's-head cane, the only thing that looks out of place is the Gallery T-shirt.)
Sweet Candy Andy slamming that duck head into Bohemoth's midsection over and over! Armstrong is back up and delivering some hard punches - at least, those that land are hard. Jamal now in, and takes Bohemoth's own cane and hitting him in the head!
(extended crowd shot for long enough to have someone blade)
Bohemoth is bleeding! I'm so glad that we're allowed to show this on TV without getting in trouble, aren't you, Captain Twilight?
I long for the days when TV was bland and inoffensive. We didn't need blood to get ratings - just me!
But HERE COME THE CIRCUS FREAKS! The Rogue's Gallery runs off and rightfully so. The Freaks help Bohemoth back to the ring but where is ThatGuy? Oh well, we'll be right back after these paid announcements!

This program was brought to you by Geek Depot Techie Supplies. If you know what http:// stands for, you oughta be here! Geek Depot, proud sponsors of the STWF.
(zoom on the man known as "Doctor Death" - not Steve Williams though. Doctor Death speaks.)
81 inches. 304 pounds of Raw Canadian Power. 8 different belts. At the same time for 45 days. Equals? One BAD MOTHER.
DISTRUCT. Coming soon to the STWF/CSTLL.

Rather interesting flash there from Distruct. Boy, I can't wait to see him in action next week on Monday Nae Trous!
So, in essence, you lied last week saying he'd be here?
Let's get to our next match! Michael Wackson is back, and this week he takes on OddJobber!
Say WHAT? Wackson vs. a jobber AGAIN? 'Sup witchoo, V?
Making his way towards the ring, from London, England, weighing 20 stone, 2 lbs., OddJobber!
(An acid rock version of the James Bond theme plays. OddJobber wears ripped jeans, a stained "Can I Have a Pancake?" T-shirt, a bowler hat and sunglasses. Surprisingly enough, he gets a good pop.)
And his opponent, accompanied by Mad Onna, from Never Never Land, weighing in at 230 lbs...MICHAEL WACKSON!
("Bad" by Michael Jackson plays. Wackson is wearing the same costume he had last week. He gets a little more pop than he did last week, but not as much as OddJobber just got.)
I'm amazed! OddJobber gets a pop? He appears to be the fan favorite in this match.
***bell rings.
OddJobber starts with a slap to the midsection. Interesting opener...Wackson responds with a dropkick and OddJobber is down. Surprise, surprise. The crowd is chanting "FREE JOE RAIN! FREE JOE RAIN!" and I have no idea what it means!
You can stop the charade now. It's obvious the fans know that OddJobber's real name is Joe Rain. OddJobber is up, charges Wackson and gives a double underhook suplex, and this crowd goes berserk! The cover: 1...and a kickout. Oooh, the fans aren't pleased with that. OddJobber with an elbowdrop that finds its mark nicely. OddJobber has talent, no doubt about it.
OddJobber takes Wackson to the top rope for a superplex, and NAILS IT! Man, the crowd is lovin' it! I must admit, so am I! But wait, Wackson now with an inside cradle, and the cover, the count, and the victory! The crowd boos heavily, and the chant starts up again.
(crowd shot of some generation Xers in "Can I Have a Pancake?" T-shirts)
Looks like OddJobber has found fans with just as little direction as he has.
Here is your winner, Michael Wackson!
Our next match for this evening features a stable war as Jamal Tupac Mustafa and Sweet Candy Andy of the Rogue's Gallery take on Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos of Mexico Unlimited.
The following tag team contest is set for one fall. Making their way towards the ring, with a combined weight of 513 lbs., representing the Rogue's Gallery, Jamal Tupac Mustafa and Sweet Candy Andy!
(Andy's voice saying, "Man, my chocolate's SOOOOOOOO sweet!" is heard, followed by the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive". The two men come out to loud boos.)
And their opponents, with a combined weight of 430 lbs., representing Mexico Unlimited, José, Julio, Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos!
(The Mexican Hat Dance plays. Two nondescript luchadores enter. They can barely be told apart. Mixed reaction from the crowd.)
***bell rings.
Julio against Sweet Candy Andy to start. Both men exchanging armdrag takedowns, and I don't like the direction this is going!
Wait, we need a third announcer! Who's it going to be? Wait, here he comes - the Square? Can he talk?
Can? Yes. Will he is another question, but apparently his presence here indicates he will. Welcome, Mr. Square.
(very nasal quiet voice) Hellooo. It's goood to beee heeere.
What brings you to ringside?
I'm heeere to keeep tabs on Mexico Unlimited. They're liable to dooo anything to win. And I'm here to express my outrage at the fact I'm not getting my title shot this weeeeek.
That's true, El Spheros was supposed to defend today, but he backed out, saying he will defend when he's good and ready, and I assume that means at Mexico Madness.
So, basically, you lied to the fans again.
Wait, let's get back to the match! What on earth? Are they still exchanging armdrag takedowns?
(Crowd is chanting "boring".)
Apparently so.
Our ratings are going down. I can smell it. When is something different going to happen? Ah, here it is. Right on cue. It's Bucho Mugralez and Pedro Chang! It's their turn to come to ringside. They're chatting with El Presidente, but again, we can't hear a word! They're shaking hands! I certainly hope this isn't what I think it is!
Pedro Chang enters the ring and nails Andy! He goes to the top rope and hits the L.A. Hangover on the pimp! Unfortunately, the ref was arguing with Jamal Tupac Mustafa, and Julio with the easy cover. 1...2...3! Did the other guys even tag in?
Yes, but you missed it, and all they did was exchange armdrag takedowns toooo.
Here are your winners, Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos!
El Presidente is entering the ring with Bucho and Pedro. I hope this isn't what I think... Plees khwelcome the newest members of Mehico Unlimited! Pedro Chang and Bucho Mugralez! Notting can stop us khnow!
(El Spheros and Pepe the Mexican Midget enter the ring. All of Mexico Unlimited is now together. The Mexican National Anthem plays.)
I've gotta stop this...
Square! No! It's a suicide mission! The Square is trying to beat everyone up, but he's outnumbered five to one, plus managers. Oh, this isn't pretty, not at all. What? We can't go now!
(Cattle prod appears again) Okay! We have to go! Next week, hopefully, Distruct, the Stonebreakers in action, and the Forces of Justice just might put their tag belts on the line! Goodnight everybody, and until next week, keep your pants off!
(c) Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre 1997