(A large pair of pants floats across the screen, then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior of the new STWF/CSTLL arena, the "Slobberknocker" arena. The two guys with sparklers and flare guns create the "fireworks" to start the show.)
Welcome once again to Monday Nae Trous! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, along with of course Captain Twilight and Jamal Tupac Mustafa. We've got a great...hold on, I'm getting word that something just happened in the locker room area! Let's go there now!
(Shot of the Aboriginals laid out on the floor. A gem-tipped wand is lying beside them. A small man is standing over them, laughing.) Messenger Boy: The Rogue's Gallery will PAY for all their sins! You two are just the beginning. And Dillon's none too happy that he was kicked out of here either! But I, Messenger Boy, will be taking the Keeper to the heights that he so rightfully deserves!
Wow...what a way to start off Monday Nae Trous. Now suppose we make it INTERESTING the next time?
Yeah, V, when something happens in the locker room, you expect a brawl, not two guys laid out!
Like I was to know? Well, we have plenty of new stars just waiting to shine today! But we have to start things off with "the bout of the forgotten wrestlers". Apparently, the Red Snapper and Broadway Musical Man were so miffed that they were left out of the brawl, that they demanded a fight tonight. But get this, it's a RETIREMENT MATCH! That's right, one of these men will be leaving this fed FOREVER! Let's see who it is... the Red Snapper's in the ring now.
And his opponent, from New York...
(Lester Leary comes from behind and nails Broadway Musical Man. Presto Cadabra is not far behind, slamming Broadway with his lead wand. "Black" Jack Dealer enters and starts slicing him with a razor card. Larry Lowbrow now comes to make it four-on-one. Then they all stop, and a large man with a goat comes out. He starts whipping Broadway Musical Man viciously. Finally, he throws Broadway Musical Man into the ring.)
The Entertainment Industry has had it out for Broadway since day one! And boy, did they choose their chance wisely! The Red Snapper is going for his finisher, the Rock Lobster!
Don't you mean the Boston Crab?
I don't care if it looks that way, it's the ROCK LOBSTER! BMM submits! And he is OUTTA HERE!
Here is your winner, THE RED SNAPPER!
Lester Leary: IT'S OVER! THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY HAS WON THIS FEUD! FOREVER! Na na naaaa na, na na NAAAA na, hey hey hey, GOODBYE! JACK!
Rimshot: And now, the Entertainment Industry is one more! May I present...GRUFF!
I'm amazed, frankly. Gruff makes one showing here, at the Brawl, and now he's joined the Industry? Wow.
Hey look, Gruff's match is up next anyway. He's fighting the Executioner.
This contest is set for one fall. Currently in the ring, from Birmingham, United Kingdom, weighing 450 lbs., GRUFF!
("Scooby Snacks" by the Fun Loving Criminals plays. The entire Entertainment Industry starts cheering him on and clapping. Billy, the giant goat, bleats.)
And his opponent, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing 335 lbs., the EXECUTIONER!
(No music. The Executioner enters. He's dressed all in black - black is in this year! A very pale man, getting a very pale response right now.)
Executioner: Why do I have to fight this guy? The only reason I came here was to <-BLEEP-> with Ironman! Not to wrestle some Brummie loser!
Looks like the Executioner doesn't have a choice in the matter. Gruff has both a height and weight advantage here, this could mean problems for the Executioner. Gruff with a standard bodyslam. Gruff goes for a kneeling punch now. Gruff picks up the Executioner and whips him into the buckle, then goes for a flying knee. Executioner drops. Gruff goes to the top rope and tries a splash, but the Executioner rolls out of the way. Executioner gets up, grabs Gruff, and clotheslines him. Executioner bounces off the ropes, going for a big boot, but Gruff grabs the foot, and pulls him right in for a big headbutt! The crowd cheers! Gruff now with a sleeperhold. Executioner's arm drops once...twice...nope, he's still in this!
The Executioner needs to work some more defense here if he's going to get anywhere in this match. AND he's got four guys, a goat and a guy in a wheelchair at ringside to deal with. Then of course there's the Ironman factor.
Oh come on, Cap, do you really think Ironman's going to take the Executioner seriously if he can't even pull off one match?
Executioner tries a powerbomb, but Gruff's just too heavy! Gruff takes him down with a jawbreaker. Goes for the pin: 1...2...AND HE GOT HIM!
No he didn't. The Executioner pulls something out of his tights - it's a crobar! The Industry jumps on the apron to warn Gruff and tell the ref about it. The ref goes over to yell at them.
Doesn't take a genius to see what's happening next. There's the crobar shot, Gruff drops, Executioner covers....1...2...3.
Here is your winner...
The ref just saw the crobar! He's reversing the decision!
What? Oh, okay, ...as a result of a disqualification, GRUFF!
Wow...the Executioner's really taking this loss hard. He's maiming everyone with that crobar! He runs off before all of them get the better of him.
Okay, now here's a good match comin' up. Sweet Candy Andy, my homey, is takin' on Dr. Snare. Snare wants a cage match, but it ain't happenin' this time.
This match is set, yadda yadda, yadda. Here's Sweet Candy Andy and his Candygirls.
Man, my chocolate's SOOOOOOOOOOO sweet!
("Stayin' Alive" plays. Sweet Candy Andy enters wearing his typical costume. Janice, Gratuitous Tina and Mad Onna enter wearing Detroit Pistons jerseys. Again, Janice and Onna wear number 36, while Tina in the middle sports #24.)
And his opponent, accompanied by Kandi, from Jackson, Tennessee and weighing 275 lbs., "The Master of the Cage Match" DR. SNARE!
("Hole in My Soul" by Aerosmith plays. Dr. Snare runs to the ring wearing his hockey mask. A good pop.)
Dr. Snare wastes no time in giving Andy a belly-to-back suplex. He then starts choking Andy: 1...2...3...4...Snare lets go.
That's the second time in a row Andy got choked out!
It's a good way to wear an opponent down! Snare with a legdrop. And another one! He tries it again, but Andy gets out of the ring. Snare went to the well too many times. But is it smart to be out of the ring with a guy like Snare? Snare jumps over the top rope for a big splash, but misses. He's on the floor.
Hey! Check out the Candyman! He's talkin' to Kandi! Will Kandi change to Candy? Lessee! OUCH! She slapped him! Now she kicked'im down...aw MAN thass gotta hurt.
Now Snare is up, and boy does he look mad! Andy is noticeably scared. He's hiding behind Onna - what a real man he is. He throws Onna at Snare, then moves behind Gratuitous Tina! He's buying his time...now he hides behind Presto's former "lovely assistant", Janice! Snare seems to have calmed down a bit, and that's when Sweet Candy Andy hits the ring. Andy with a chop...Snare doesn't sell it. Andy tries again...Snare still unfazed. Andy now tries a dropkick...Snare stands defiant. Sweet Candy Andy begs off! Snare with a BIG chokeslam. The cover: 1...2...Andy puts his shoulder up. He's just begging for more! Andy now bounces off the ropes, for the flying pimp slap! Snare seems a little shaken. Andy slapping Dr. Snare. The hockey mask is absorbing some of the blows, but perhaps Snare is...well, I don't know. Andy tries a sunset flip, but Snare sits down! Andy is pinned - 1...2...Snare gets up. He's making a sign... Andy is being set up for the Snare Slam powerbomb. And there it is...1...2...3.
Here is your winner, Dr. Snare!
The Master of the Cage Match walks away with Kandi...what more can we expect to see from that man?
I'll tell ya dis...when he tags with DOOM as they plan to, it's not going to be nice.
You've got that right. Our final match this week...the Dangerous Bombs take on the Finance Department in an attempt to get their rankings up.
Both teams are in the ring...and how could you miss the Finance Department? They're still wearing those hideously bright stockbroker suits!
Dow Jones and Jack Means to start things off. Jack Means with an armdrag takedown. Jack Means just working the arm there... now going for the armbar submission. I really didn't expect this from Means. I had him figured for a brawler. Jack Means pulls Jones up and goes for a clothesline, but Dow ducks, and gives Means a lariat on the second pass. Dow now going for his patented nosehold...Means is thrashing viciously!
I think Means forgot he can breathe through his mouth as well...
Give him time, when you're tired, the mouth is all you breathe through. See, he's fine now. He gets up, and tags Dynamite Raider. A double-team effort on Dow Jones. Okay, Jack Means is outside the ring, and Dynamite Raider maintains control. A gutwrench suplex by Raider. Jones is tossed towards his corner, and "Hi" Interestrate is in. The Finance Dept. with some double-team tactics of their own. The five seconds are up, but the Finance Department doesn't seem to care! Jack Means comes in to break it up, but the ref admonishes HIM! Dow Jones from the outside strangling Raider with the tag rope, and Interestrate kicking him in the midsection! Jack Means is talking to the ref now...I think he's paying him to make the match no-DQ! It worked! Jack Means comes in and smashes his whiskey bottle over "Hi"'s head! He now hits Dow Jones, who goes flying off the apron! Raider and Means going for another spike piledriver - this looks like it could become their signature maneuver...and "Hi" gets NAILED! Jack Means goes to set up a table, they're going to do some serious damage here... but what's this? IT'S THE ASYLUM ALLIANCE! All four of them!
This could get nasty, but WE'RE OUT OF TIME! Next week, we'll see Generation X take on the Inevitables, Stealth Bomber gets his shot in a lumberjack match, and the Executioner gets to take on Distruct! Until next week, keep your pants off! OH, DID YOU SEE THAT?!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre