(A large pair of pants floats across the screen, then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior of "generic STWF arena, somewhere, North America". Two guys with sparklers and flare guns kick off the fireworks to start the show.)
Welcome once again to Monday Nae Trous! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, along with Jamal Tupac Mustafa and Captain Twilight.
Angus, we must show the fans the aftermath of Monster Bash! Remember?
Oh right! Roll it, Chet!
(The second floor ring is shown. Sir Gary Glutton is in the middle of the ring, encased in the gelatin dessert powder he brought. Sugarplum Harry is standing nearby; his two underlings are picking off the gelatin and stuffing it inside the clay statues.)
YES! Eat, my children! Eat and grow strong with food. The pixies will thrive once more as soon as you are ready to help us fight. THE PIXIES WILL REIGN AGAIN!!!
(Sir Gary Glutton gets up and runs away, the gelatin still sticking to parts of him. He runs into Friar "Buck".)
Where the hell were you all this time?! You're never around, you're always with Gratuitous Tina. You miserable monk, I'm ending our partnership now, and reverting to the gimmick with which I started. GARY "THE GLUTTON" GOURMANDO IS BACK!!!
What?! Come on, we can work this out. The Hedonistic Crusaders were ready to start anew and become champions!
Shut up. I don't need you and I never did. Get out of my sight before I eat you.
Fine. Be that way. Come on, Tina. Tina? Where is she?
Sweet Candy Andy: She wit' me! Come on, Tina, let's talk "bidness". Heh heh heh, now I got two! First Mad Onna, now Gratuitous Tina's come back! Man, my chocolate's SOOOOOOOOO sweet, and I guess you not.
I'm out of here, before those crazy pixies follow.
Strange indeed. A lot of angles covered in a short time there. To give our wrestlers a rest, we've decided to only have the wrestlers who didn't wrestle at Monster Bash wrestle tonight. But DOOM will be in the Twilight Zone this week, right Cap?
Absolutely. But let's start our first match as Stealth Bomber takes on Très Sheik.
The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL. Making his way to the ring, accompanied by the New Rogue and representing the Rogue's Gallery, from Abu Dhabi, UAE, weighing in at 244 lbs., TRÈS SHEIK!
("Supermodel" played on a sitar and tabla, plays. The New Rogue enters with the Sheik and starts pointing at nothing in particular. He tells many fans that he loves them, and this generates many boos. The Sheik himself is still wearing the sequined turban and is spraying a foul-smelling substance on himself, but instead of the Nehru jacket sports a "Rogue's Gallery" T-shirt.)
And his opponent, accompanied by Sir O., from Washington, DC, weighing 285 lbs., STEALTH BOMBER!
(No music. A masked man with dark skin enters. Sir O. follows close behind. No real reaction yet.)
The two men lock up. Stealth Bomber has the weight advantage, but Sheik does have the Rogue behind him. Bomber with a German suplex. Sheik gets up and gives a dropkick. He attempts a legdrop, but Stealth Bomber moves away and applies a full-nelson. Sheik struggling...He gets out and reverses it. Stealth Bomber gets out with a jawbreaker.
This Stealth Bomber, he not bad! But I gotsta see more before I make a full decision.
Stealth Bomber with a Bulldog. The cover: 1...2...and the Rogue makes the save. The ref warning the Rogue, at which point Très Sheik pulls out that perfume, and sprays Stealth Bomber in the eyes!
Man, what's that funky smell?
It's called "Eau du Camelle". Very big in the Middle East, I hear.
You don't hear, you 81! Man, you practically deaf!
I beg your pardon?
Gentlemen, please! Très Sheik going for the pin:1...2...wait! Stealth Bomber reverses it! Roll-up pin: Quick count - 1..2..3! Stealth Bomber has done it! With the perfume in his eyes, Stealth Bomber still manages a win!
The Rogue not happy with this at all. He sprays a bit more into Stealth Bomber's eyes, and the Sheik just pummelling him. Here comes Sir O. into the fray - he's holding them off quite well, actually.
A victory for Stealth Bomber nonetheless.
Stealth Bomber could be a major force in the STWF if he applies himself.
Let's take you now to the next match, as the <-BLEEP->swhupper (good wrestler, bad name), takes on the New Olympian, Ben Matera. Both men in the ring now, so...
Ben Matera starts things off with a waistlock. And he takes a hiptoss and drops to the canvas. The, well, him! takes Matera and gives a vicious clothesline.
Matera, one of our former ICCTINACBBIC belt holders, has just taken a reverse DDT! The cover: 1...2...shoulder's up. Matera goes for a sleeperhold...it's broken. The <-BLEEP->swhupper whips Matera against the ropes and then gives a back body drop.
Matera now, with a series of chops, goes for a turnbuckle smash, the Big-A reverses it and Matera takes 10!
The finisher is imminent...here comes the Moneymaker!
Landed perfect! That'll make him a LOT of money. 1...2...easy pin for the <-BLEEP->swhupper.
(Playmaker grabs the mike and says, "HereisyourwinnertheAsswhu<-BLEEP->")
I still don't get how he can say it, but we can't! Okay, Cap, do your thing!
Welcome to the Twilight Zone, with me, Captain Twilight. ("Bleak December" blares over the PA system as DOOM and Kandi enter the ring with a microphone and the STWF world heavyweight championship belt around his waist. The crowd is screaming and yelling.)
DOOM: How everyone doin' tonight?!?!?!??!
(Crowd screams and yells again, this time with chants of "DOOM" coming from the nosebleeds) Well, El Presidente, you asked if I could walk the walk and talk the talk. Well I talked, I walked it, and El Spheros is about 15 pounds lighter! If El Spheros is able to walk again, since I snapped his ankle in two, I'll give him another title shot right now! And this time there's not going to be 44 people around the ring. It's going to be me and you in the ring, mano-a-mano. And DeRanged, you were screaming about your title shot, you can have it when I'm done with El Spheros. Come on Kandi, let's wait here a while for Sphere-boy, and of course, Twilight, it's been YOUR pleasure.
(Khachaturian's "Sabre Dance" plays. El Presidente runs out and sets up the ramp. El Spheros rolls down the ring, wobbling slightly, and then up the ramp into the ring.)
DOOM attacking him before the...
El Spheros taking a pummelling! El Presidente and Kandi clear the ring. El Spheros with a dropkick, bounces off the ropes, and hits DOOM with some strange body block that only a spherical man can achieve.
El Spheros' unique shape has revolutionized wrestling as we know it. No one really knows what to do with him!
And kin you imagine how difficult it'll be to put a guy like that UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE at the Bunkhouse 'Blivion Brawl?
Good point- I hadn't thought of that! El Spheros, now NWF intercontinental champion, goes for a reverse Frankenspheros, but DOOM just powerbombs him from there. The pin:1...and El Spheros just rolls right over. Nearly impossible to pin!
DOOM working on El Spheros' ankle, that he injured at Monster Bash. A series of legdrops, a flying elbowdrop, he's just not stopping!
El Spheros could be in real trouble here!
DOOM applying that same deadly anklelock - El Spheros is hanging on this time! El Presidente can't stand it. He comes in and nails DOOM with that lead pipe he conceals. And the ref is ending it there.
Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification, DOOM!
This isn't over - Kandi comes over and starts kicking El Presidente all over the place! El Presidente about to retaliate with the lead pipe... DOOM holds the pipe and stops him cold! El Presidente runs off, and El Spheros follows close behind. DOOM is your winner, and we've gotta go. Next week, Col. "Pops" Khorne takes on Pedro Chang for the Intercontinental Cruiserweight "This is not a championship belt but it's close" belt.
Until next week, keep your pants off!
(c) 1997 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre