Welcome to Monday Nae Trous!

(A large pair of pants floats across the screen, then covered by a gigantic red circle with a line through it. The STWF logo appears)
En español donde sea disponible!
(Interior. Two guys are holding sparklers and shooting flare guns in the air. Pan to announcers.)
Angus "Vince" McMadden:
Hello everyone and welcome to our first-ever Monday Nae Trous under new management! I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden, and with me as always is Rogue's Gallery correspondent Jamal Tupac Mustafa, and actively retired octogenarian wrestler Captain Twilight, and WE'RE NOT WEARING PANTS! Well, of course we're covered, and the wrestlers have their trunks, but you get the picture.
(Uncomfortable silence)
Okay okay! It was the closest sounding thing to "Monday Night Raw" and "Monday Nitro" without getting sued! We've got a whole bunch of new wrestlers ready to get hardcore, so let's kick it off right now as Michael Wackson takes on StreetMime!
Jamal Tupac Mustafa:
Man, a jobber match to kick thin's off? StreetMime ain't lasted more'n a minute in ANYTHING! You suck, V!
All the other feds do it. Besides, if you can think of a better way to debut a wrestler, I'd like to hear it.

Ring announcer:
Making his way towards the ring, from Nice, France, weighing in at 209 lbs., StreetMime!
(No music. StreetMime enters as if he was walking against the wind. Dead silence from the crowd.)
Captain Twilight: I can't believe wrestling has stooped this low over the past sixty-five years. When does this guy's contract expire?
And his opponent, accompanied by Mad Onna, from Never Never Land, weighing in at 230 lbs...MICHAEL WACKSON!
("Bad" by Michael Jackson plays. Wackson wears a white T-shirt with black silk trousers, black jacket and black dancing shoes. Slight crowd pop - at least he's better than StreetMime, they figure.)
Mustafa: What kind of a strange name is Onna? Estonian?
McMadden: I believe so...let's just get to the match.
***bell rings.
StreetMime with the offer of friendship right off the bat. He hands Wackson those imaginary flowers. Wackson doesn't go for it at all, and HURRICANRANA to start this match! The crowd is already into it! StreetMime is down. Wackson goes for an elbowdrop, but StreetMime rolls away.
Mustafa: Since when does StreetMime avoid a hit? Are we seeing a new StreetMime?
McMadden: Maybe...Wackson picks up the mime and attempts an Irish whip...reversal...reversal again and Wackson nails StreetMime coming back with a flying forearm! Wackson goes up top, for a BIG legdrop, will he get it?...YES!
Cap: Of course he will! StreetMime's a jobber, remember?
McMadden: If it's nae prrredictable, it's STWF! Wackson picks up StreetMime, and OH! WHAT A DROPKICK! The mime is sent sprawling to the iron gate. What's this? Wackson with a plancha, and StreetMime is out cold! Wackson and StreetMime outside now, StreetMime kneels and groinshots Wackson! He was playing possum! That was uncalled for!
Mustafa: I don't know, StreetMime is getting more aggressive, we could use that. But I don't think Wackson is fazed one bit! Both competitors inside now, and Wackson with an enzuigiri to the head. StreetMime ain't gettin' up from that, no way. But Wackson's not done! To the top rope...he's moonwalking across the top rope?...and a big split-leg moonsault by Wackson! Goes for the pin...is that enough? 1...2...3! I guess it is.
Cap: Good performance from Wackson. His moonwalk moonsault certainly impressive. Why it reminds me of a certain wrestler back in the 30s...
Here is your winner...Michael Wackson!
Let's get right to the next match: "Chinese Spic" Pedro Chang squares off against the Entertainment Industry's newest addition, "Black" Jack Dealer!
Making his way towards the ring, representing the Entertainment Industry, from Rama, Ontario, Canada, weighing 237 lbs., "Black" Jack Dealer!
(A Native Canadian man wearing a casino uniform enters, along with Rimshot in his wheelchair, the Vegas Connection, and Presto Cadabra. Lester is singing "Hit the road, Jack" as the entrance music. The crowd gives a mixed reaction.)
Uh-oh. Wackson's run into the Entertainment industry.
(Pause for about the length of time it takes to establish the fact this could be a future angle)
Hmmm...they just went their separate ways. But then again, Wackson is also an entertainer, so who knows?
And his opponent, accompanied by his manager Bucho Mugralez, from South Central Los Angeles and weighing in at 235 lbs..."the Chinese Spic" Pedro Chang!
("Rico Suave" plays. Pedro wears a black bandana tied backwards. His shirt is red flannel buttoned only at the top. He wears black jeans. Bucho Mugralez is a stereotypical Mexican Western bad guy, or so it seems.)
***bell rings.
Dealer and Chang lock up. Jack has the weight advantage here, albeit two pounds. Dealer is winning, but Pedro Chang kicks him right in the gut! Dealer is doubled over, but takes the opportunity to take out Chang's legs! Figure four by Jack Dealer! This man is a force to be reckoned with!
Man, you can't say that! Let the audience make up their own mind!
Like in what federation? But hold, Chang reverses it, and Jack Dealer is screaming in agony! Presto Cadabra leaps up on the apron, and the ref goes over to warn him. But what's this? Lester Leary smacks Chang in the head with his microphone, breaking the hold. The ref turns around; he didn't see a thing. He's starting to count them out: 1...2...3...4...5 and Chang is up. A series of elbowdrops by Chang. He picks up Dealer and DDT! Right back down Dealer goes. The cover: 1...2...and shoulder up by Dealer.
Let me have a turn to announce! Dealer is picked up, and whips Chang into the turnbuckle. He goes to the second rope and we all know what that means!
(Crowd counts from 1-10, but Jack doesn't stop, so they keep counting. Dealer stops at 21.)
Twenty-one. I might have known for a man named "Black" Jack Dealer. He now sets up for...Chang nails him in the eyes! He's using every chance he can get here. Reverse atomic drop and "Black" falls like a ton of bricks. Goes for the pin: 1...2...and kickout by Dealer! Bucho steps up on the apron to complain about a slow count.
Man, what's Mugralez thinking? You don't let the ref turn his back when there's an entire stable outside the ring!
As expected, the entire Industry is in the ring, stomping away, and leave as soon as the ref turns around. Again, he sees nothing! Come on ref, get in there! But what's this? Here comes El Presidente! What's he doing out here? He's talking to Bucho Mugralez...what are they saying? I can't make it out.
Chang still duking it out with Dealer. Chang's angry now! Turnbuckle smashes coming your way!
(Crowd counts from 1-10 and explode into cheers after he's done)
Now what's he doing?
Dat's da "drinky-drinky" motion! He's calling for his finisher, the L.A. Hangover! Going up top - a brawler going up top? - and BANG! A variation on the Asai moonsault! Goes for the cover: 1...2...Larry Lowbrow tries to make the save but it's too late! Pedro Chang is victorious! But this is far from over - Jack Dealer pulls a metal playing card out of his sleeve and cuts Chang with it! Chang is bleeding, and Bucho Mugralez comes into the ring. Now the stable is back in, and this isn't pretty at all. We can't show it to you, but stay tuned, we'll be right back!
Monday Nae Trous has been brought to you by the Albatross Brothers Gaming Corporation, proud makers of "Evil Eye: the Gypsy curse game" - fun for ages 7 and up! If it's on the fringe, it's Albatross Brothers!

We're back - and we have updates:
Quick results: The Finance Department defeated the Sanitation Crew
The New Olympian, Ben Matera defeated Sweet Candy Andy
The Square beat Pepe the Mexican Midget
and Pedro Chang is OK! (Crowd cheers)
But up next, in tag team competition, we have two new teams here: The Stonebreakers will take on the Circus Freaks. Captain Twilight, what do you know about the Stonebreakers?
Apart from their heights and weights, absolutely nothing. It's as if they don't have a gimmick at all!
That may not prove well for them. The Circus Freaks of course, imports from the EBW, where they have formed an alliance with our own ThatGuy. Let's take you to it!
Making their way towards the ring, with a combined weight of 830 lbs., Hugo, Slick, the Stonebreakers!
(Hugo comes out first. He is gigantic - 7'3". Following him is the very average-looking Slick. No theme, no special costume, no crowd pop whatsoever.)
And their opponents, with a combined weight of 561 lbs., Sasquatch, Dizzy Desi, the CIRCUS FREAKS!
(Big top music plays. Sasquatch is a large degenerate with hair covering his body. Dizzy Desi looks normal; nobody knows why he's a freak. All the same, they don't get a bad pop.)
***bell rings.
Sasquatch and Hugo start off - both the power men. Interesting. Hugo of course our biggest wrestler, at 7'3". Second to him is the Stick, who's 6'10" but only weighs 210 lbs. After him is a whole bunch at 6'9". Hugo calls for the test-o-strength, but Sasquatch wants no part of that! He instead bounces off the ropes for a shoulder block. Nope. Didn't even rock him. Again? Same effect. Sasquatch gets him in a bearhug - Hugo is struggling to get out. Now he's giggling! Sasquatch's fur must be tickling him! Ref comes in and asks if he wants to submit, but Hugo says no. Still in the bearhug, Hugo falls back! Sasquatch completely crushed and the momentum swings for the Stonebreakers! Hugo picks him up and goes for a piledriver, but Sasquatch reaches under and sweeps the legs. Hugo comes crashing down. Sasquatch makes the tag.
Dizzy Desi with Hugo in the ring now. The dizzy guy with a splash, makes the cover: 1...Hugo catapults him into his corner, and Slick is more than happy to strangle Desi with the tag rope. Why the ref doesn't see it is beyond me... Hugo with brutal chops now, and Desi's chest is beet red! Hugo tags.
Slick now with a vertical suplex. Goes to the middle rope and a kneedrop finds the solar plexus perfectly! Desi grasping for air, and Slick takes advantage of this with a sleeperhold! The dizzy man struggling...now is lifeless. Ref lifts the arm. 1...limp. 2...limp. 3...Sasquatch breaks the hold. The ref warning Sasquatch now. Hugo comes in and SITS ON DESI! He's bouncing - was that a rib popping that I heard? The ref has totally lost control here. But here comes Bohemoth! He rolls in the ring and he bashes Hugo about the head with that blind man's cane! Sasquatch grabs Desi's dizzy hammer and works on Slick! That's it...the ref is ending it.
Ladies and gentlemen, this match has ended in a double disqualification!
(Crowd boos loudly. They don't like this one bit!)
That's all we have time for this week. Tune in to next Monday Nae Trous where we see the debut of multi-fed-champion Distruct, some title shots, an update on Dizzy Desi's condition, and much MUCH more!
Plus you see ME, and the Rogues' Gallery in FULL EFFECT!
Goodnight everybody!

(c) Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre 1997