Friday Friday Friday!
Number Eight... (Brap)
(Camera pans the Cowpie Palace. The two pyro guys and Girl Friday are
sporting gas masks. The pyros bring just some cigarette lighters, flick
them quickly and run. Girl Friday runs away too.)
Welcome to another great edition of Friday Friday Friday! I am your
host, Angus "Vince" McMadden. And with me as always is Gary "the Glutton"
Gourmando. We've got a terrific show lined up for you tonight. We'll see
T-Ray take on The Red Snapper. Also we will witness the debut of Tyrone
Mayhem as he faces the Pencil Necked Geek...
Oh great, that little pissant is back again. I
dare him to show his scrawny little face around our table, why I'll,
You'll what? That's good,Gary. As I was saying
we have a non-title bout between Bohemoth and Mira Maniac, as well as the
Wrestler Smurf as he takes on Très Sheik.
Did we lose some sponsorship or something? You
call that a line up? Bad enough we get little draw at this stinkhole.
I believe Announcer Lad is ready to get this show
on the road. The mic's yours, Announcer Lad!
This contest is set for one fall, making his way
to the ring and hailing from Smurf Village, it's Wrestler Smurf! (The
Smurfs' theme plays and Wrestler Smurf walks down the aisle wiping tears
from his face.) His opponent, hailing from the United Arab Emirates, Très
Sheik! The modified version of "Supermodel" plays. The Sheik arrives at
the ring with The Rogue and his hookah in tow.
All right folks, here we go. The Smurf and Sheik lock up. Sheik
pushes the Smurf into the turn buckle. Sheik laughing at his opponent.
Smurf running up behind Sheik while his back is turned and gives a
bulldogging headlock. Nice maneuver on the part of the Smurf! Smurf
taking control now. He's got Sheik in an armbar. Sheik reverses, and
sends Smurf for the ride and clothesline! Sheik already attempting a
cover. 1..2..no! kickout!"
Oh please! You couldn't really expect a win this
early. BRAAAAAAAP! Pardon! These darn concession stand sodas, I swear,
they have more air than they do drink!
Sheik is climbing the top ropes now?!? Unbelievable!
He's going for a moonsault and NO! Smurf rolls out of the way! Sheik is
down and Smurf goes for the cover, 1..2..shoulder up! Bad luck for the
Smurf. Smurf, irritated, makes his way to his corner to consult with
Smurfette while the Sheik staggers around dazed. Smurf nodding and goes
right after Sheik. Wow! Smurf is setting up for the "lalalalalala". He
hits it. Sheik is screaming in pain!
Would that be from the pain of the hold or that
Smurf's horrible singing? I think I have heard better from the cats in the
Chinese restaurant behind my house!
The ref is calling for the bell, this match is
Here is your winner, as a result of a submission,
Hey Vince, I just noticed something, we don't have
any tag matches scheduled this week.
Brilliant deduction, Gary. Your point being?
No point really, just trying to fill up some
Quiet now. Announcer Lad is ready to announce the
This contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his
way to the ring, Tyrone Mayhem! (Some crowd pop to welcome the new
And his opponent, hailing from Computers Unknown, and weighing
in at 115 lbs, The Pencil Necked Geek!
(The Geek's theme music plays, but the Geek is nowhere to be seen.)
What's going on here? Where's the Geek? Hey, get a
spare ref to check the dressing room for him.
I knew that I scared the little pipsqueak off. That
or he got his suspenders caught on the bathroom hook again. HA HA HA Urp.
Excuse me. Hey! Get someone to bring me some Beano, before this place
really stinks up!
For once I agree. Where is that guy? Hey! Look up
at the Monstron!
A live video feed is displayed on the screen. A pan of a small
plainly decorated bedroom. An Albert Einstein poster and a periodic table adorn the wall.
A model of the Starship Enterprise is seen on a chest of drawers. A telescope sticks out of a window,
but strangely, it's pointed at the sky and not at some window.
The visage of the Pencil Necked Geek appears now on the screen.
PNG: Ha! Welcome
to my humble abode. Yes, I am at home. And I have proven to you that I
am the smartest wrestler in the STWF. While that goon Mayhem is there in
the ring, I am at home resting with my UNIX and watching the other
losers work today. You should have thought twice about signing an unknown
stip match with me. Ha, you see Mayhem, the stip is, no matter what, I
win!!! Hahaha! That's right. I don't even have to leave my house in
order to win. Sometimes you people are so stupid it's not funny.
Just consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to
wrestle with me today. You would have been sharpened beyond belief! I've
had enough of talking to your ugly mugs. I'm going to surf the net now.
(Screen fades to black.)
Look at the look on Mayhem's face. He's enraged. He's leaving the ring
throwing chairs around. Not a good start for our newest wrestler. After
this fiasco, I think we need some commercials.
SuperCard III - if you ain't up to speed by now, yo' ass better call
What do a disgruntled actor, a Ricky Ricardo wanna-be, and a horse that allegedly talks have in common?
I don't know either. But somehow they got together. And they claim "they're going to make it after all!"
Nik at Nyte. Coming soon to the STWF...if we let 'em.
(A montage of wrestlers loitering around the local bar near Slobberknocker
Arena, some drunk, others getting there.)
Der Kommissaar's really scraping the bottom of the
barrel with those ads! What the hell is this "Attitude" thing supposed to
Just get with the program, Gary! We don't have time
to discuss Kommissaar's choice of ads. On with the next match.
This contest is scheduled for one fall, making his
way to the ring and hailing from Beavertail, GA, T-Ray! ("Truckin'" plays
over the PA system.) And his opponent, from St. John's Newfoundland, the Red Snapper!
(Snapper is in the ring. He raises his costume claws to virtually no pop.)
This is shaping up to be an interesting match. Two
wrestlers, one new, one who might as well be, here tonight in action. T-Ray tries to send
Snapper for an Irish Whip. Snapper reverses it! T-Ray in the turnbuckle.
Red Snapper not wasting any time, grabs T-Ray by the hair and starts giving
him punches to the head 1..2.......8..9..10! The crowd here at the Cowpie
Palace just loves it. Snapper now in control goes for a short
clothesline. He hits it. This is not looking too good for T-Ray right
now. Snapper gives him a few kicks to the midsection. Now a leg drop.
Cover: 1..kickout. Nice try on the part of Snapper.
If you say so Vince.
How many times do I have to tell you, Gary. Only my
close friends get to call me Vince, you aren't one of them. Wait! What's
this? It's Street Mime coming down out of the rafters on a rappeling
cord! The two wrestlers are stunned as to why he's down there. Street
Mime now pointing his "bat" at the head of Red Snapper. Red Snapper not
amused by this grabs the bat away from Street Mime. Street Mime raises
his arms in a "trust me" pose. He is retrieving his bat and is now headed
back up into the rafters. Don't ask me folks, I'm just the announcer
here. Oh wow, T-Ray with the roll-up: 1.2.3!
Well, that was a colossal waste of time. What's up
Let's listen to Announcer Lad.
This non-title match is set for one fall. Making
his way to the ring, hailing from Hollywood, CA and accompanied by his
manager(?) Mira 2, here comes Mira Maniac! And the STWF North American champion, hailing
from Charleston, WV and representing the Asylum Alliance, Bohemoth!
(Massive pop from the audience. Chants of "you're not safe", even though
it's not ThatGuy.)
I think Bohemoth needs to get a catchphrase.
Here we go. These two wrestlers have been battling
it out verbally and now it's time for them to put up or shut up.
Bohemoth getting things started with an armbar. Maniac is beating his
shoulder and reverses it. Now Bohemoth's turn to feel some pain.
Bohemoth now with elbows to the midsection. The hold is broken. Bohemoth
is running against the ropes and bounces off running back toward Maniac
who is waiting with his head lowered. Bohemoth capitalizes on this, grabs
the maniac's head and gives him a DDT! Maniac down and a cover,
1...2..shoulder up. Bohemoth not happy, grabs the Maniac's neck turns
around and delivers a neckbreaker! Man, that's gotta hurt!
Who are you kidding, their necks don't really get
broken, you see, when it is being set up...
Shut up, Gary!!! You know the rules! Back to the
action, which appears to have spilled out of the ring. The two men are
scuffling, headed dangerously close to Mira 2. Bohemoth grabs Maniac's
head and pounds it into a ring post. Now, with Maniac in a headlock,
Bohemoth is bringing him toward his manager. Ooh, Maniac's head has hit
Mira 2. Bohemoth now rolling back into the ring. Mira Maniac is on his
knees apologizing and weeping over his fallen manager. He is stroking the
steel reinforced poster. Ugh, now he's kissing it. Cameraman! Go to the
ring and get footage of the ref and Bohemoth, or at the very least a funny sign. The ref is counting
8...9...10! The ref is now calling for the bell.
Here is your winner as a result of a countout,
(Shot of a sign that says "We Paid to See Kimbo")
A little late on the sign, cameraman. And that one's not even funny!
The Maniac is still visibly upset as he carries his
manager and the tripod she(?) sits on back to the dressing room area.
Bohemoth with a self satisfied smirk on his face. Is this a sign of
things to come between the Maniac and Bohemoth? Only time will tell.
Gee, how original. I've had enough of this. I'm
starved. See ya round, Vince.
Well folks, that brings us to the end of another
exciting FFF. So until next time, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden and on
behalf of Gary, good night. And remember to tune in to the next Friday
Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre