(Interior pan of the Cowpie Palace. Two guys with sparklers and flare
guns start off the show with a bang. Girl Friday dances in the ring, and
in her left hand there is a slender belt with pink straps).
Welcome everyone to Friday Friday Friday. I'm your host, Angus "Vince"
McMadden, and with me here as always is Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando.
Munch, Munch. Hi everybody, how's it going.
Thank goodness it's Friday, thats all I can say. It's
been a heck of a week in STWF land, and tonight we have got some amazing
matches lined up. Los Gringos Locos will take on the Forces of Justice,
both of whom have been inactive in the STWF as of late. Later tonight we
will see the debut of B.F. Sack as he takes on that ring
vet, OddJobber.
That should be a classic.
Then we will see the debut of two new wrestlers,
as the Tiger will fight Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes.
Finally we are in for a treat because Anarchy
will try to beat Dr. Snare, the master of the Cage, at his own game.
Hey this looks like one of the best lineups we've
ever had, Vince, I'm impressed.
Thank you Gary, I'm sure Der Kommissaar is touched
by your praise.
Now entering the ring area, accompanied by their
manager Domenic Oliver, Ironman and Pedro Chang, Los Gringos Locos! ("Man
in a Box" by Alice in Chains begins to play)
And now with a combined weight of 580 pounds, from Washington DC and
Shreveport, Louisiana, respectively, Judge and Preacher, The Forces of
Justice. (The theme form Law and Order plays.) Both Judge and Preacher
walk down the aisle, Judge with his robe, gavel, and tome. Preacher with
his toga, walking stick and bible.
These Forces of Justice are great, they hate
everybody. I sure hope Judge doesn't see me, both him and Preacher don't
like me too much.
Me neither, I got a speeding ticket once, and Judge
has never let me forget it. How does he find out about these things?
Judge and Ironman lock up, Judge with a knee below the belt. Ironman is
now cleaning the mat with his tears.
Looks like for all his high and mighty attitude,
Judge doesn't mind breaking the rules a little. Judge now with a stomp to
Ironman's head, he's making the best of Ironman's disadvantage while he
can. Judge is going up top, because Ironman is still lying on the mat, he
might be out. Judge with the elbow drop, ohh Ironman sticks up his leg
and Judge plows right into it. Man that Judge is dumb, Ironman is the
best in the business at lying down and then fooling you into making stupid
mistakes like that one.
Ironman with the tag to Pedro Chang. Pedro grabs
the stumbling Judge around the head and takes him for a ride from one end
of the ring to the other. Huge Bulldog, and it looks like Judge just
broke his nose on the mat!
Sure enough, Judge's nose is on his right cheek,
now he looks more like a criminal than a Judge.
Judge is back on his feet, bleeding all over our
nice clean mat, but he manages to stumble over to Preacher and tags him
in. Preacher is taking it to the now overconfident Pedro Chang. Jeez,
some of these guys get one hit in on a guy and they think the match is
over. Preacher with a vertical suplex on Pedro Chang. The entire ring
rocks with the impact. Preacher with the cover. 1..2.. ohh, Chang kicks
out just in time. Preacher leg sweeps Chang, and down he comes. He wraps
two meaty hands around Chang's throat. He's got him in the Camel Clutch.
Judge is trying to get in to finish the job, but in so doing the ref is
distracted by trying to stop him.
Here come's Ironman with a chair. Bamm, Preacher
is out like a light. Ironman slinks out of the ring, and the ref sees
Chang with the cover. The ref scratches his head, then remembers he's
supposed to count. 1..2..3. This one is done.
Here are your winners by pinfall Los Gringos
Locos.
Up next we B.F. Stack, as he makes his STWF debut
against Oddjobber.
I've heard good things about this guy. He is a
very technical wrestler, once he gets that Domino Effect on, he usually
ends a guys career if they don't submit fast enough.
Currently in the ring, weighing in at 241 pounds,
accompanied by nobody, OddJobber! (Huge crowd pop for this guy, no
boos.) (The theme from Sandford and Son begins to play, and Big Daddy
Panama comes out with a microphone.)
Listen all of you, yeah you, shut up. Right now you are going to see
a great man punk the you know what out of that old fart in the ring, so
just have a little respect, will you.
And now, weighing in at 282 lbs, B.F. Sack. (He comes in staring at the
ring, nothing can distract him.)
How dare that guy tell me to shut up. I was just
ordering a refill of my popcorn barrel. Big Daddy better watch out, he
might just get a bucket full of popcorn shoved up his
And here we go with the standard lockup. OddJobber
with a pathetic kick to B.F. Sack's midsection, and all he gets for that
effort is the hint of a smile on Sacks's face. Sack just grabs onto
Oddjobbers hair and tosses him across the ring, where he bounces off the
ropes, and into a clothesline from Sack.
Sack is now working on OddJobbers old gimpy knees.
He wraps him around in a spinning toe-hold, and drops to the mat, putting
tremendous pressure on that right knee of Oddjobbers.
OddJobber is just screaming in pain, but he has
enough sense to kick Sack in the face. The crowd cheers! Sack up, wiping the look of pain
off his face, and now grabs onto both of OddJobber's arms and drags him out
to the ropes. OddJobber is shaking his head no, but out Sack goes
taking OddJobber's arms with him.
Big Daddy is shouting instructions to Sack, and now
Sack is rolling back in, what could they be up to I wonder.
What's this?? A figure four armlock, ohh here we
go, now the Boston Crab in combination, lets see if this Domino Effect
works.
OddJobber is unable to submit, trying to get
out somehow, ohh did you hear that tearing sound? The ref is asking
OddJobber if he wants to give up, but he can't say yes, so the ref rings the bell.
Here is your winner by submission, B.F. Sack.
Impressive debut for the first of many newcomers
here in the STWF. Next up we have the debut of two more wrestlers, but
first some special announcements.
You've seen some pretty weird and crazy things here in the STWF. From
amputations in the ring, to lunatics pointing imaginary bats and the
participation of various animals in wrestling. But hey, you haven't seen
anything yet! Here's a sample of who's coming.
He is called Nip the Necrophiliac. The name says it all, he is a tall,
sickly looking man, who carries with him a 98-year-old dead llama, named
Bunny. We don't know much about his wrestling ability, but when asked
about his name, Nip replied "I Love to LOVE dead people".
Then there is Prisoner X. Is he recently parolled, a reformed criminal?
Nope, he comes to wrestle with armed guards. According to sources, it's
part of a deal he made with the warden, so that Prisoner X can work out
his homicidal tendencies by wrestling. Apparently, too many of his fellow
prisoners have died, so they've set him loose here, for your
entertainment!
The Tibetan Monk is another rather strange fellow. It seems that he very
simply hates everyone but fellow Buddhist Monks. When asked about the Dali
Lama, his manager, Tibetan Monk simply flattened the questioner.
None of these men are to be trifled with, and I feel sorry for the first
guy to take on Nip.
Ohh boy, things are really heating up here in the
STWF. With all these new guys coming in here, they are really going to
give the established wrestlers a run for their money.
All I know is that Der Kommissaar had better not
stick me in there with Nip the Necrophiliac, or he and I are going to have
words.
Look for more announcements on Monday Nae Trous. Next,
Tiger will take on Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes.
Are you serious, some guy actually wants to have
jobber in his name.
Apparently so.
Currently in the ring, in his first appearance here
in the STWF, Joe "the Jamaican Jobber" Forbes. And now, hailing from
Richmond, Virginia, and weighing in at hmmmmm, an unknown weight, Tiger.
(Eye of the Tiger plays, Tiger quickly strips off his leather jacket, and
runs into the ring, immediately attacking the waiting Forbes).
And here we go right off the bat, Tiger is pounding
away on Forbes, but Forbes is giving back as much as he is getting.
Already he has shown himself to be superior to OddJobber.
Come on Vince, the match just started, give Forbes
time, I'm sure he will show us all why he is called the Jobber.
Be that as it may, but Forbes is putting up a hell
of a fight. He executes a DDT on the Tiger, and then drops a leg on the
back of Tiger's head. Forbes rolls him over and 1..2.., kickout by the
Tiger. Oh boy that was really close. Both men are up. Forbes with his
head down running at Tiger. Leapfrog by Tiger, Forbes bounces off the
ropes, and Tiger catches him on the rebound. Bodyslam by the Tiger on
Forbes. Tiger hooks the leg, 1..2..kickout by Forbes. These two right
back at exchanging closed fists right and lefts. Tiger with a huge
uppercut on Forbes and he tumbles back into a corner. Tiger on the second
rope pounding his fist into Forbes' face. 1,2,....,9,10. Ref is warning
off Tiger, but he just pushes the ref away and starts kicking Forbes
repeatedly in the stomach. This match has turned into a savage beating
all of a sudden, what happened?
I don't know, Forbes must have really pissed Tiger
off or something, this is what happens when jobbers think they are better
than they are.
Tiger with the Superplex on Forbes. Tiger avoids
going for the pin, and he is now motioning to the crowd for the rack. He
grabs up Forbes and lifts him high in the air, trying to crack his back.
The ref sees Forbs giving up, and we have our second submission of the
night.
Here is your winner by Submission, Tiger.
Tiger still looks mad, I think he's embarrassed that
he had to take on a guy like Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes in his first
match.
But here comes StreetMime! As JJJ gets up, the bat is pointed. What does this mean?
I don't understand it! Forbes feels offended...the Jobber Time chop is applied to StreetMime,
and resident mime is down. So much for that.
The cage is quickly being set up for our next match, which is a
fight between Dr. Snare and Anarchy. What do you think about this one
Gary?
Huh...Oh sorry, I snoozed off after that last
one-sided one. Well, I really have to go with the Docta on this one.
Anarchy can fight and beat some of the best, but Snare is almost
unbeatable in the cage. I think he will prove that he is the "Master of
the Cage Match", once again here tonight.
Now entering the cage, hailing from Birmingham,
United Kingdom, and weighing in at 250 lbs, a member of Apocalypse,
Anarchy. (Theme from Batman plays).
Coming down the aisle, at a weight of 275 pounds, from Jackson, Tennesee,
The Master of the Cage Match, Dr. Snare.
These two are as closely matched as can be. Both
are the best at what they do, and they can both do a lot of damage. By
the time this match is through, only one man will be left standing. The
two lock up, Snare immediately whips Anarchy into the ropes, Anarchy tries
to stop his momentum, but he crashes into the metal cage with a clang.
Anarchy falls, but is back up like a cat, and he circles Dr. Snare looking
for an opening. Dr. Snare gets sick of waiting, and rushes Anarchy, but
Anarchy with a huge hiptoss on the Doctor, and this time its Dr. Snare
clanging off the cage, but upside down.
The inside word is these two just plain don't like
each other too much. Right now it certainly looks like they aren't
exactly the best of friends, what with Anarchy kicking in Dr. Snare's face
like that.
Yes folks, I hope you didn't tune in to see a
technical match up here, these two are just trying to do as much damage as
possible. When one of these guys can't get back up, the other is going to
make a run for the hills.
Snare just caught Anarchy's leg in mid kick and bit
a chunk out of it, man that's gross! While Anarchy howls in pain, Snare
grabs him up and gives him a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Amazing power from
the Doctor.
Snare sees Anarchy lying there, and decides to make
a break for it. He's going up, but what is that, scooting up the side of
the cage.
It's one of them what do ya call em, you know those
clay thingees that the gay guy has.
Sugarplum Harry is not gay, and yes that golem just
bit at Dr. Snare's nose as he pushed up over the cage. Snare falls back
to the mat more in surprise than pain, and Anarchy sees this and takes
advantage. Anarchy goes attacks Dr. Snare, delivering rights and lefts,
with an amazing burst of energy. Snare is just reeling on his feet,
Anarchy delivers a mightly uppercut, and Snare is now sitting on the top
rope.
Snare is so punch drunk that he doesn't know where
he is, kind of like the way I feel on a Saturday night. If Snare only
woke up he would get the heck out of Anarchy's office.
Anarchy has Snare's head between his thighs,
setting up for the piledriver off the top rope. Pulls him up, and
jumps....He hits it, the Doomsday, just devastating, Dr. Snare is
unconscious.
I can't believe it, Anarchy is going to beat Snare
at his own game, there's no way that Snare is going to wake up from that
Doomsday thing.
But wait, here comes Prisoner X, running from the
law again. That big cop almost caught him, but now X is climbing the
cage, he runs into Anarchy going up and over and shoves the Englishman
over the side, but back into the ring!!! Prisoner X howls in triumph,
thinking that he has escaped, but now he sees all the bars.
Oh my god, he's going absolutely Bug<-BLEEP->, he
just grabbed the defenseless heads of Anarchy and Dr. Snare and bashed
them together, again and again. Both those guys have had it, and X is
now grabbing onto the bars and yelling to be let out, that he didn't mean
to kill the nice wrestlers.
The ref has had enough, how's he going to call this
one.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest's winner, as a result of a disqualification, ANARCHY!
Surely the ref can't believe that Dr. Snare and
Prisoner X are in cahoots after what X just did to Snare's head. But
there you have it folks another Fantastic Friday Friday Friday has come to
its controversial end. On Monday, the Rogue will address everyone about the Chris Powell hoax,
along with a ceremonial belt presentation. But join us here next week for another Freaky Friday
Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough. TGIF.
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre