Welcome to Friday Friday Friday, folks! I am your host Angus "Vince" McMadden. With me as always is Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando. Hey Vince, why is it this place always stinks, I know we're cheap, but can't we afford some air freshener. Audience members may start leaving, you know.
Gary is of course referring to this fine establishment called the Cowpie Palace, to whom we are grateful for allowing us to host our event here. Tonight we have Pimp of the Year taking on Très Sheik, Sugarplum Harry vs. ThatGuy, in tag action we have the Inevitables battling the Bad <-BLEEP->ses and our main event, Keeper vs. Bohemoth for the North American Belt. Announcer Lad, take it away!
This match is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring and weiging 264 lbs, with his manager The New Rogue, Très Sheik.
("Supermodel" plays, slight pop).
His opponent, from New York City, accompanied by his Entourage and weighing 244 lbs, Pimp of the Year.
("Jungle Boogie" by Kool and the Gang plays, bigger pop)
Man, I love that guy, his prices are very reasonable and the merchandise, MMMM BOY!!
The two combatants lock up. Sheik with an armbar, a solid start, and Pimp with a reversal. Sheik reverses the reversal! Holy Cow!
No, more like bull, as in all I can smell in this place is BullSh
Pimp going for a belly to back suplex. He hits it! The Sheik is hurting now. Pimp gets up and drops that velour-covered leg over the Sheik's throat! Sheik coughing and grabbing his throat. Pimp hauls the hulking Sheik up and Irish whips him into the corner. Unfortunately, it's the wrong corner. Sheik takes in a mouthful of smoke from his hookah and blows it in the Pimp's face. Pimp is blinded!
That's not the only thing that blows around here. Sheik now taking control. It's too bad. I have a bet riding on that Pimp guy. He also promised me a discount if I give him good commentary.
I can't beleive you Gary. Gambling, being a john and now taking bribes from the wrestlers?!? We must be paying you too much if you have all that free cash to throw around. Back to the action. Sheik with a running bulldogging headlock, he nails it. Sheik gets the Pimp into the ropes, something I'm sure he's used to. Pimp back-kicks Sheik in the groin. That's gotta hurt! Sheik is stumbling around doubled over. Pimp knocks Sheik down. The cover,1..2..no, kickout. Pimp with an elbow drop, and another cover 1..2..shoulder up. Pimp is frustrated. He mounts the ropes to the top and sets up for his finisher the Corkscrew leg drop, here he goes, he gets it... now following with a Pimp slap. This match is over folks, 1..2..3!
Here is your winner, Pimp of the Year!
Look, here comes Sweet Candy Andy. He hits Pimp of the year over the head with his own gold cane, Pimp of the Year is juicing red all over, the Sweet one is out of here before the Pimp's entourage knows what happened, what a sneak attack.
Frankly, I expected better from Sweet Candy Andy. On to the next match.
Introducing first, from Toadstool Arizona, and weighing in at 385 pounds, Sugarplum HARRY! (Dance of the Sugerplum Fairies plays on the tuba, in comes Harry with the pair of golems right behind.) And now from Parts Unknown, weighing 266 1/2 pounds, ThatGuy. (Major crowd pop from the audience.)
These two once had a great deal of respect for each other, but ever since Harry joined Apocalypse, the leader of the Asylum Alliance has wanted to bite off one of Harry's fingers.
Tonight it's chow down time for ThatGuy. Mmmm Mmmm finger lickin' good. Hmmmm Chicken?
I thought you weren't hungry. ThatGuy is going right after Sugarplum Harry. He just bowled him over and is just smashing those fists over Harry's head. ThatGuy just doesn't seem to be his usual jolly self.
Well can you blame him? Harry is a traitor.
Harry has turned ThatGuy over, he is making a digusting kissing gesture with his hand, and ThatGuy is just sane enough to realize that if he doesn't get out of there, he will fall victim to the nutcracker. Both men standing at oppoite sides of the ring feeling each other out.
Harry probably wants to feel ThatGuy up, and knowing him, he'd probably like it. Harry with a kamikaze maneuver running right into ThatGuy, he has ThatGuy in a Bearhug. Now Harry throws him to the mat, all the while saying how much he is sorry, and laughing at the same time. Harry with a massive leg drop, but ThatGuy rolls out of the way, and Harry lands right on his blubbery butt.
Looks like ThatGuy has got his wind back. He delivers an uppercut to Harry's face, and Hiptosses the bigger man down to the mat. Look at this, ThatGuy is going up top.
Will wonders never cease, this guy does just about everything. ThatGuy delivers the flying elbow. Ref counts 1..2.. kickout.
ThatGuy is back up, but Sugarplum takes him back down to his level with ankle scissors. Now Harry is trying to choke ThatGuy out at the same time reaching down to ThatGuy's nether regions. Nope, ThatGuy turns away, averting disaster. He breaks the move but Sugarplum Harry is up first, and delivers the splash, knocking all the energy out of ThatGuy. The Pixie King covers 1..2.., ThatGuy reverses and 1..2.., shoulder up. Oh no, Sugarplum put his hand near ThatGuy's mouth, what a bonehead move. ThatGuy chomps down. Hideous Finger Bite. Sugarplum submitting, but not even his golems can pull off ThatGuy. Finally he lets go, but Sugarplum Harry's middle finger is shorter by about an inch.
Here is your winner by submission, ThatGuy! Up next we have a big tag match with the Inevitables taking on the Bad <-BLEEP->es. Should be a heck of a battle, what do you think Gary...GARY?!
Oh sorry, Munch, Munch....that last match made me hungry, but yeah it should fun to watch these guys knock the crap out of each other. That's always worth watching.
Introducing first from Ottawa, Canada, G.S.T., and Harbringer of Death, the Inevitables. And now, coming down the aisle weighting in at a combined weight of 470 pounds, Mark and Chris, they are the Bad <-BLEEP->ses.
("TNT" by AC/DC plays, and these two run right into the ring, right into the waiting arms of the Inevitables.)
Wow, the Bad<-BLEEP->es look like they might have bit off more than they can chew. Both GST and Harbringer are all over them.
Looks like the ref has got control of this one but for how long. Harbringer starts off against Mark.
Man I don't like that HoD, ever since a few weeks ago when I made fun of him I just don't feel right. Man my chest hurts again.
Shut up Gary, go take a pill or something. Harbinger just dominating here. HoD with German Suplex. Mark goes down like a ton of bricks. HoD going for a legdrop and he hits it! Mark struggling to get up. Harbinger running to the ropes and gives Mark a lariat, right into Inevitables' territory. GST holding him against the turnbuckle and using the rope to choke Mark. Harbinger making the tag to GST. Inevitables are double teaming Mark. GST taking over, kicking Mark in the midsection. Mark doubled over, GST goes for a DDT! Wow, what a move. Chris is going ballistic on the outside. The ref is conveniently distracted giving the Inevitables an opportunity for more doubleteaming. Come on, get in there ref! Ref finally turns around and warns HoD.
Ooh, a warning! How scary. Puh-leeze, like that will do anything. URP!
I hope we won't have to start imposing fines like some other feds.
Or take 'em away in handcuffs and chains, chanting "Attica!"
Back to the action. Looks like both wrestlers gave each other a clothesline. Both wrestlers down on the mat. What's this, Mark is attempting to make the tag to a fresh Chris. GST starting to come around, but it's too late, the tag is made. The Bad
Camera pans away, groans and winces from the audience, the move is too horrible to be shown on air.
Here's the cover, 1..2..3!
Here are your winners, The Inevitables!!!
Wow! What a match! We need to recover from that one so we will pause for some commercial messages.
Worst case Scenario is just three days away. Don't know the main event? You better call somebody!
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Where do we get these sponsors?!? Probably same place as Oliver Russell. Boy, Der Kommissaar must be really desperate for cash! Anyways, back for more action where we will see Bohemoth defend his NA Belt against Keeper. Announcer Lad, the mic is yours.
The following North American Title Match is set for one fall. Making his way to the ring, the Challenger, accompanied by Messenger Boy and weiging 394 lbs, The Keeper. (some booing). His opponent and STWF North American Champion, hailing from Charleston, WV and weighing 490 lbs, Bohemoth!
("In The Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg plays and there is a wild pop for this member of the Asylum Alliance, signs saying "You're Not Safe!" are raised)
There is a lot of animosity between these two sides. The wrestlers lock up. Already Bohemoth attempting to send Keeper for the ride, but, no success. No wonder, Keeper is 7'4". But as they say, the bigger they are the harder they fall. Bohemoth attempting to charge at Keeper, Keeper ducks and Bohemoth rolls under to take out Keeper's legs! Keeper is down!!
That was a smart move on the part of Bohemoth. Not bad for a guy who's partially blind. Good thing too. I've got a week's salary riding on this.
You need help, Glutton! Bohemoth really whaling away on Keeper legdrops and elbowdrops! Messenger Boy is not happy. Keeper regaining some faculties and starts to get back control of this match. He's putting Bohemoth in a sleeper hold.
I'm not sure that move would be effective on a guy who has no neck!
Uh, Gary... Say, I heard there's a 2 for one Sloppy Joe sale on at the concession stand.
Oh Boy! Out of my way!! Hey Vince, tell me how the match turns out. I'll be back in a while!
Take your time, Gary. The ref is testing Bohemoth's consciousness. Wrist up, and drops. Second time, up, and drops. Third time up, and no!! Bohemoth breaks the hold. Bohemoth is now on the warpath! He's so full of adrenaline, he's giving the Keeper a Gorilla Press! Oh my God! Now look! It's the other members of Apocalypse coming to the ring! Anarchy and Wackson start double teaming Bohemoth. Oh no. They've got a hold of Bohemoth's white cane and they're hitting him with it. This is terrible. Wait! The other members of the Asylum Alliance are coming to ringside to join in the fray. And who's that? It looks like Tortilla Tito! He's probably coming to settle the score with Michael Wackson. Come on Ref! This match is over, ring the bell already!
Here is your winner, and still STWF Champion as a result of a Double Disqualification, BOHEMOTH!
Well there you have it folks, another exciting Friday Friday Friday card has come to a close. You can bet that brawl will continue in the dressing room area! So on behalf of my cohost, Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando, I am Angus "Vince" McMadden saying good night and tune in to the next Friday Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre