(Interior of the STWF's Slobberknocker Arena. There's two guys with
sparklers and flare guns. One of them has a Strike Force shirt on, and
the other has a Can-Am Connection shirt on. Hmmmmm. A fan of someone
maybe. Girl Friday is in the ring, strutting her stuff.)
Welcome everyone to Friday Friday Friday. We've got an action packed night lined up for you. The Indestructibles take on Gen' X. Later it's Pimp of the Year vs. The Red Snapper. Then Gruff vs. Cube and finally Bohemoth battles Friar "Buck".
Man that woman looks better every time I see her, a little hefty maybe, but I might actually have a chance.
Joining me as always on Friday, and very hard to miss, is of course Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando.
(Munch Munch), yup that's me, just let me finish my burger.
Making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 610 pounds, Duane Diamond D and "Crushing" Chris Powell, they are the Indestructibles!
And now, at a combined weight of 510 pounds. from Brooklyn, NY, Jimmy Cain, and Playboy Cartel, Generation X.
("Can't Hold Me Down" by Puff Daddy plays, Gen' X high five-ing the crowd, they look pretty cocky.)
Gen' X hits the ring, Indestructibles both in there before the bell rings, stomping on Gen' X's heads.
The match is underway, but Playboy Cartel, who's the legal man along with Crushing Chris Powell, can't get anything going.
Oh boy, this doesn't look good. Powell just gave Playboy Cartel a tombstone piledriver, and Cartel is already out.
What's this, Powell is rolling Cartel toward Jimmy Cain, who reaches over and tags his prone partners arm! This one ain't over yet folks. Cain is giving Powell rights and lefts, he dropkicks him. Powell moves back maybe 6 inches, and he just roars in Cain's face. Powell picks up Cain, high over his head, and lets him drop.
Well then, looks like Gen' X didn't do their homework this time, they should have known that these two new monsters of the Rogue's Gallery would not be pushovers.
Powell is still beating on Jimmy Cain. He's got his foot locked up with Cain's throat, pinning him to the corner turnbuckle. Powell tags in Duane Diamond D, and the two of them lift Cain high into the air, and down he comes. Duane with the cover:
Here are your winners, The Indestructibles!
Wow, these guys are incredible. One of the best tag teams in this fed was just demolished in a matter of minutes. Let's hope they have better luck in Japan. Those tag straps are going to belong to the Rogue's Gallery before too long.
That was quite a display, up next we have the Red Snapper going up against the STWF's latest pimp, the Pimp of the Year. Quite shameful really, do we have to know what these guys do in their spare time?
Hey, these guys perform an admirable service to guys like me, and what is wrong with a little competition? It helps drive down the prices.
Really, Gary, this is NOT the image that we want to project.
Ahh bull. This is all about ratings and the more explicit we get, the higher the ratings go.
I won't argue the point further. The Red Snapper has just entered the ring to thundering boos, looks like the fans are not too impressed by this STWF original.
Now coming down the aisle, accompanied by his entourage, the Pimp of the Year!
("Jungle Boogie" by Kool and the Gang plays. Thunderous crowd pop.)
Yeah, the crowd is really warming to this guy. I like these pimps, they're great guys, totally undeserving of their reputation.
Snapper and Pimp lock up. The Snapper gets the Pimp in a side headlock, he's putting all of his meager strength into it. Pimp breaks the hold, whips the Snapper into the ropes, where Busta grabs onto his legs and the Snapper drops to the mat face first.
When you go against this guy, ya gots to deal with all his boys, and chicks, on the outside. Awright! The whole entourage is beating on the Snapper now.
Ref breaks it up, and about time too, if he can't get control of this thing he should kick all those at ringside out of the building.
Him and what army, these poor rent-a-cops you got around here?
Red Snapper has regained his feet, despite the pummelling he has taken. Belly-to-belly suplex, and the pimp is down. Snapper up to the top rope. Oh no, Cream and Sugar just grabbed onto the Snapper, he loses his balance and he falls onto the turnbuckle right where it hurts! Pimp of the Year is back up, onto the ropes where the Snapper is still slumped in agony. SuperPlex. I think the Red Snapper has had enough. Pimp covers. 1.. 2.. 3. All over, the Red Snapper didn't put up much of a fight.
Yeah, they are taking that gold plated cane and cracking it over the Red Snapper's head, the Snapper's costume is even more red.
Oh this is just too much, there must be ten people out there, the Red Snapper doesn't have a chance. He finally rolls out of the ring, and staggers up the laneway. Quite the match for the Pimp of the Year.
He's sending a message to Sweet Candy Andy, that's for sure. Good, this should drive down prices some more. Too bad he's not here tonight, or we'd have a busy night, but Andy told me that Fridays are one of his busiest nights, so I don't think we'll be seeing him here on too many Friday Friday Fridays.
Up next we have got Cube Vs Gruff, but first a commercial break.
You've seen the thrills of Heart Breaking Hell. Blood and gore was what this PPV, the best (okay, latest at the very least) in STWF history, was all about. Coming not soon, but coming just the same, is SUPERCARD III. This is the biggest card of them all. All we can say about it so far is that everyone, and we mean EVERY LAST ONE, will be in action. It's going to be a SUPER night, so order it today!
Here come's the black cube, you haven't missed anything yet folks, that thing takes a long time to get to the ring. Now entering the ring, accompanied by El Presidente and weighing in at 255 pounds, originally from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, now hailing from Miami Florida, CUBE. ("Oye Como Va" by Santana plays, and Cube emerges form his black box).
And now accompanied by Rimshot and Billy, weighing 450 pounds, from Birmingham, United Kingdom, Gruff.("Scooby Snacks" by Fun Loving Criminals plays), Gruff has a giant goat on a leash, and Rimshot of the Entertainment Industry is not far behind.)
Looks like a case of David vs. Goliath to me, my money is definitely on Gruff.
Don't count out Cube, he's taking it to Gruff early. Cube with a headfirst dive to the outside, and there goes that Giant Goat, into the crowd.
Lucky you wrote in the fine print on those tickets saying not responsible for injuries caused by Goats, Mongooses, One-eyed Monkeys, etc. Man this place is turning into a <-BLEEP->ing zoo...oops did I say a bad word?
Yes you did damn it, and the Organ Grinder's monkey hasn't been seen in a long while, now let me call the match. The bell has rung, but these guys haven't stepped in the ring yet. Gruff is mad about losing his goat, and is repeatedly pounding Cube's head into the steel steps. Gruff lifts up Cube and tosses him into the ring. Cube is up, ohhh, Gruff just DDT's him. Cover 1...2... Cube kicks out.
Come on Gruff you can take out this foreigner, oh wait, Gruff's from England.
Yes. Now I know you are new at this, but please remain impartial, and get that damn pizza out of here.
Come on, I just got to pay the guy here. OK, while the Glutton adds to his immense girth, I'll just say that the tide has turned here. Cube has some how got Gruff into a reverse Boston Crab, might we finally get to see the Cubism?? Oh, I guess not, Gruff is out of the move and Cube is lying on the other side of the ring in a heap. Gruff runs, pretty slow, but he runs, and drops the big leg across Cube's throat. This one is done!... no, Cube is up again. Delivers a crossbody chop to the big man, he's in behind, can he, yes, huge Atomic Drop, and Gruff is in pain. Cube in there with a spinwheel kick, and Gruff is down. 1..2.. Oh no, the goat is back. Billy the Goat butts Cube off and there Billy goes again, or rather, he's coming over here.
Hey get the <-BLEEP-> away from my pizza you <-BLEEP->er. Owwwwwwww! Damn it!
There goes Gary, chased by both a Giant goat and now a mongoose... where did he come from? Zebulon isn't here tonight. The match is still going, but Cube is hurt. His whole side must be a mass of pain after that brutal attack. But of course the ref didn't see a thing. See no evil, hear no evil. Gruff has Cube up, Powerslam. The bread and butter of most of the big men here in the STWF. 1..2...3. A big win for Gruff...he's looking for Rimshot. Look, it's the Inevitables, they're taking off with Rimshot, not a repeat of the KEEPER and Sugarplum farce I hope.
I'm back, those animals got one look at Harbringer of Death and took off. Dumb animals, I don't see what's so scary about him. Owww, there's a pain in my left arm, wonder what that could be. Oh well. (Munch Munch)...good pizza! Want some?
No thanks, there's hair and feathers all over it. Gruff is still staring out where Rimshot disappeared. Not too bright, this guy.
Here is your winner, GRUFF.
Wow, whatever trance Gruff was in just ended, as soon as the ref touches his arm to lift it he threw the ref about ten feet, and took off after the Inevitables. But they're long gone with Rimshot now. Oh man, the Entertainment Industry is gonna be pissed.
Speaking of which, where are they all? Leary, Lowbrow, Dealer and Cadabra all could have easily retrieved Rimshot from two guys. Well, all that's done, up next we have Bohemoth and Friar Buck.
Currently in the ring, weighing in at 260 pounds and accompanied by Westminster Abby, Friar Buck. (The Benny Hill theme plays, the friar looks just that with a plain brown cloak and a rope sash)
And his opponent, from Charleston, WV, and weighing 490 pounds, BOHEMOTH. (In The Hall of the Mountain King by Grieg plays, large crowd pop.)
I don't like the Friar's chances here, Vince. I used to partner with him, and there ain't nothing that Friar Buck can pull out of his hat, or hood to cope with the likes of Bohemoth, not even Westminster Abby.
Friar is in there quick, approaching from Bohemoth's blind side, he's in there with a side-kick and a flurry to the solar plexus, but Bohemoth isn't selling it at all. Bohemoth picks up the squirming little Friar, and choke-slams him down to the mat.
Oh, man, makes me feel almost sorry for my old pal, but not sorry enough to interfere against that monster.
The crowd continues to cheer for the biggest member of the Asylum Alliance, and Bohemoth hears it, don't think he doesn't. Maybe that's why he's letting Friar Buck recover a bit of his wits, and not finishing the job like he should. Bohemoth pulls the Friar up by the hair on the side of his head. Closed fist one, twice, three times. Oh the Friar just isn't putting up any offence in this one, folks. Wait a minute, what's going on.
Vince, I can't see a damn thing in here, the lights have gone off, and they aren't coming on.
Muffled yells coming from the ring, a pounding of flesh on flesh, here are the lights again. The ring is just filled with men, and they are all beating on Bohemoth. Anarchy, Michael Wackson, Sugarplum Harry, and the golems, even Friar Buck has recovered enough courage to put the boots to the big guy. Here comes the Asylum Alliance. ThatGuy is in there, immediately putting the Hideous Finger Bite on Wackson.
Oh god, there's rhythmic spurting coming from Wackson's finger, looks like the finger is off already.
We're not sure about that, but I think you're right. Dizzy Desi and Sasquatch are beating the hell out of Sugarplum Harry and his golems. Anarchy and Bohemoth are in a face off. There they go, Bohemoth gets a drop-kick in the face, he's down again. Anarchy up to the top rope. Flying elbow, Bohemoth rolls, and Anarchy lying in pain.
Looks like Bohemoth was playing possum, he just splashed Anarchy, and tossed him out of the ring like a rag doll.
Looks like the Asylum Alliance wins this battle of the Stables, everyone is out of the ring now, except the Asylum, all of their hands are raised in victory, they are taunting the Apocalypse members now, holding the ropes open, but the Apocalypse is holding back... they are waiting for something.
Ohh there go the lights again, did I ever tell you I was afraid of the dark? Or at least afraid of who I'll see when the lights come back on.
The lights are back on, and the fearsome KEEPER is in the ring. The Circus Freaks attack. Both are up on opposite sides of the ring, and they execute the Double Drop. KEEPER stands there and takes it, he rocks back a bit, but now both Dizzy Desi and even the huge Sasquatch are lying at his feet.
Damn Keeper, you were supposed to go down, don't you know anything?
The KEEPER grabs onto both of their throats, lifts them high in the air, and they are chokeslammed out of the ring. ThatGuy is in there. He leaps on the KEEPER, biting and clawing, going for the eyes. The Keeper tears him off, but what's that, yes, the KEEPER is bleeding from one finger.
Oh man, the KEEPER is in a rage now. ThatGuy is chokeslammed to the mat, and then kicked out of the ring. That must have hurt his <-BLEEP->.
Bohemoth and the KEEPER are in a stare down. The last two men still standing of these two mighty stables are ready to go at it, the crowds are roaring, they want to see it.
These guys are just staring at each other, what the... Bohemoth is bowing before the KEEPER!!
The Keeper is extending a hand, he appears to be trying to pull something away from Bohemoth. Bohemoth suddenly comes out of his trance. He reaches out, grabs his arm, and flings the KEEPER across the ring. The KEEPER bounces off the ropes, these two giants are going to collide, Ohh.. the KEEPER has Bohemoth in the choke. He's trying to get him up for the chokeslam, his muscles are straining, BUT HE CAN'T GET BOHEMOTH UP!!!
Come on man, he's turning purple, if the move isn't broken soon, Bohemoth's gonna die.
Bohemoth kicks out to the KEEPER's family jewels, rakes to the eyes, and the move is broken. Bohemoth reaches out, grabs on to the Keeper's neck. Bohemoth has the KEEPER up, he just chokeslammed the KEEPER right onto our table, onto Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando, lucky he had a soft place to land! Hey guys, that's what the Spanish table is for! We are out of time. This is Angus "Vince" McMadden saying goodnight, see you all next week right here on Friday Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough.
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre