Friday Friday Friday #20

(The Friday Friday Friday introduction is shown. Generic hard rock plays as the camera pans the arena to focus on a few of the thousand signs in the building. "Where's The Rogue?," "Glacier is Coming," "I'm in the Inner Circle," and . . . ewwww . . . "I'd Rather be in Sunflower" are highlighted.)
Welcome everyone to FFF #20! We've got a sellout crowd on our hands tonight in the Cowpie Palace. I'm Vince "Angus" McMadden, and along side me once again this week is the one, the only, Captain Twilight.
Just a second, Vince.
(Captain Twilight stands up, turns around, and acknowledges his "fans.")

What was that all about?
Not that you would know anything about this, sonny, but one of the rules of wrestling is: you thank your fans when they are chanting your name over and over . . .
Yeah, but I didn't think that applied when they said "sucks" every time after your name!
They weren'
What's that?
I mean, um, they were saying it BEFORE my name every time. Heh.
So, they were chanting "Sucks Captain Twilight?
Evidently. Just get on with the show.
OK, we've got a slightly better-than average show lined up for you this evening as Iceberg takes on Prisoner X, The Violent Pacifist battles Col. Khorne in a Shoot-For-Loot tournament match, in a Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver tag tournament match Generation X will take on the Crew. Also...
(Without warning, The Inner Circle theme music plays. The IC enters the arena to a huge pop.)
Once again, it looks like someone has some "blah blah blah"-ing to do at the top of the show.
I'm sleepy!
Prisoner X: Cut the music . . . you know, when we formed the Inner Circle a few moths back, the point was to prevent the kind of screwjobs, back-stabbing, and favoritism that was going on around here...
Hey, isn't this last week's script?
Prisoner X: Whoops, that's last, last week on Friday Friday Friday, after my match with Bohemoth, I watched the tape, and I realized that there was one member of our stable that wasn't pulling his weight. YOU, B.F. Sack. You didn't put up much of a fight against the Asylum, and then you seemed to enjoy my loss. Well, it's time to answer up. What is with you? We need to know RIGHT NOW if we can count on you from here on out.
B.F. Sack: Listen, I don't appreciate you implying that I'm anything other than loyal to the Inner Circle. I'm . . .
The Tiger: Just so you'll know, if you, at any time, use the phrase "4-Life" you will be automatically kicked out of the group. Please continue.
Sack: Like I was saying, just tell me what I have to do to prove myself to you, Prisoner X, and I'll do it. Boom-chick-a-boom, I said boom-chick-a-boom.
Prisoner X: How about you and me, Sack, tonight on FFF!

(crowd pops)
The Tiger: Whoa, whoa. You already have a match tonight, X.
Prisoner X: OK, then how about Tyrone?
Sack: Look, Tyrone is a cruiserweight, it won't be much of a match. No offense, Tyrone.
Tyrone: Yo' @$$ is the one who won't have no offense, beeotch.
Prisoner X: Then let's even up the odds. Tyrone hasn't really had a chance to shine here in STWF because he hasn't really been in his natural environment. So, let's make it a hardcore cage match with Big Daddy Panama banned from the arena!

(crowd pops big time) Sack: Done and done, big boy. Boom-chick-a-boom, I said boom-chick-a-boom.
(The Inner Circle, save Prisoner X, exit to a nice pop.)
Captain T: Now I'm REALLY sleepy.
McMadden: OK, so let me get this straight. Prisoner X is questioning the loyalty of Sack. So, to prove he's loyal to the Circle, he is going to fight another member of the IC?
Sure, it makes perfect wrestling sense. It's gut-check time, McMadden.
McMadden: (shudder) Anyway, it's time for our first match: Prisoner X vs. Iceberg.
This contest is set for one fall. Currently in the ring, from New York City and weighing 290 lbs., PRISONER X!
(he hops on a turnbuckle to a good pop. The music guy figures he doesn't need to play entrance music.)
And his opponent, accompanied by Strep, representing the Total Annihilation Squad, weighing 471 lbs., ICEBERG!
("Machinehead" by Bush plays. He enters the ring. Strep is holding a sign saying "No Pants, No Problem".)

Prisoner X looks mad, Vince.
Let's see if that helps or hurts him. Prisoner X out with fists to the abdomen before the bell sounds. Whip to the ropes. Big boot!
***bell rings.
Nice timing.
Picks Iceberg up by the head. Running bulldog! Prisoner X stops to work the crowd.
He needs to stay focused.
Iceberg up now. Reverse Russian legweep on Prisoner X!
Prisoner X looks more angry than injured, Vince.
Prisoner X with a kick to the gut. Going for a big piledriver . . . got it! He may go for the Lockdown (tm) right here, Vince!
He's got it on! It's the Lockdown! The only question now is: how much pain can Iceberg take?
He's too close to the ropes! He's got them.
Prisoner X being asked to break the hold.
Ref: Break the hold.
Prisoner X: I can't hear you. I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Dirty play here by the Prisoner.
He is dangerously close to being disqualified.
He finally breaks the hold, but the damage seems to be done. Prisoner X now, whips Iceberg into the ropes again. OH! Misses with the dropkick. Iceberg now, powerslam on PX! Picks him up . . . abdominal stretch. Prisoner X wriggling out of it . . . AN ACE CRUSHER OUT OF NOWHERE!
You fans out there may know that move better as a 3/4 facelock bulldog.
Well said, cap. Prisoner X applies the Lockdown now. Iceberg is out cold. The referee makes the right decision and ends the match.
Here is your winner, by submission, PRISONER X!
We'll be right back!

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Before we begin, let's go back to last Monday Night in the handicap match between the Tiger and the Techie Salesmen from Hell. As you remember, we announcers couldn't see anything because we were banned from ringside, and were in the nosebleed booths without binoculars or monitors. But we've had a chance to review. So just watch, and I'll go through it.
As you can see right here, all looked lost for the Tiger. The two Techies were really using their numbers to their advantage. Switch was just about to finish him off with the Millennium Crash when Bait wanted just one more hit with the laptop. Switch complied, and held the Tiger for Bait. Well, you can all guess that the Tiger ducked, and Switch was knocked out cold. The Tiger racked him up for the upset victory. And upset those Techies were. Well, there you go.
Next up, it's tonight's "Shoot-For-Loot" matchup, as Col. Khorne takes on The Violent Pacifist. This is your Shoot-For-Loot match. Making his way to the ring first, accompanied by the Rogue, from St. Louis, Missouri and weighing 220 lbs., COLONEL "POPS" KHORNE!
(The official Shoot-For-Loot music, "Money" by Pink Floyd, plays.)
And his opponent, from Seattle, Washington and weighing 330 lbs., THE VIOLENT PACIFIST!
("Money" keeps playing. The audience doesn't seem to care. The Pacifist enters and they care slightly more.)

***bell rings.
There will be three one-minute rounds points will be awarded for most punches landed, takedowns, congeniality, costume, and personal hygene. And here we go . . . Col. Khorne landing some decent shots here. Meanwhile, the Violent Pacifist seems content to take a beating.
What the heck is his problem?
Oh, nice takedown by the colonel. And now, wait a sec, here comes Iceberg back out . . . he clocks Khorne on the back of the head! That's gonna cost the Pacifist!
***bell rings.
It sure is! That's a one-point deduction for outside interference.
Yep, that will totally wipe out the congeniality point he earned that round! So, at the end of one, the score is Col. Khorne 2, Pacifist 0.
***bell rings.
Round 2, now . . . Khorne looks disoriented.
That shot by Iceberg did some damage!
Khorne is down! VP didn't touch him . . . he just fell!!!
That's it!!!
Here is your winner, by a knock out, THE VIOLENT PACIFIST!
Iceberg, Stalker, and Carnage are all helping VP celebrate in the ring.
Well, this is stating the obvious, but I guess The Violent Pacifist has joined the inappropriately named Total Annihilation Squad.
Next up, out Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver tournament match, pitting the Crew against Generation X. Generation X will be hungry for victory after that humiliation against Nik at Nyte last week.
I wouldn't be hungry for anything if a horse did what he did last week on my face.
Point well taken.
This tag team contest is part of our Mighty Bastard Psycho Driver tournament, and is set for one fall. Making their way to the ring first, from Brooklyn New York, with a combined weight of 517 lbs., Jimmy Cain and Playboy Cartel, GENERATION X!
("Déjà Vu" by Lord Tariq and Peter Gunz plays as they enter. Mixed reaction, but small nonetheless.)
And their opponents, from Los Angeles, California, with a total combined weight of 597 lbs., John Whopper and Chris Fry, THE CREW!
("Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic plays. The two portly young men enter, shaking their greasy hands with the audience. Slightly bigger pop.)

***bell rings.
Whopper and Cain to start things off. Whopper with a hammerlock. Reversal by Cain. Cain with a whip . . . swinging neckbreaker! Picks up Whopper and tags in Playboy Cartel. Cartel swings away as Whopper is restrained by Jimmy Cain.
What is Chris Fry thinking? Get in there!
He must've heard you, Cap, there he goes.
Chris Fry: I did not hear you. I know how to wrestle.
It doesn't look like it.
Chris Fry: Shut up, there's no way I could've hear you from here.
If you can't hear him, then why are you talking to him?
Chris Fry: I ... er... who said that?
Meanwhile, Whopper continues to be pummeled by Playboy Cartel.
I used to be in a Playboy Cartel back in my youth.
Fry: shut up, old dude, nobody knows what you're talking about.
Why don't you worry about your partner, and not the announcers.
Poor teamwork exhibited by The Crew here. I really have to question their heart here, Cap.
I agree.
Chris Fry: That's IT!
As Whopper collapses in a pool of his own fluids, Fry approaches the announcer's table. He picks up Captain Twilight and throws him into the crowd! Now, he has turned his attention to me. He picks me up... (thud) Ugh. Bodyslam by Fry. Fry now, picks me up by my head . . . (crunch) aggh - ack. Jawbreaker by Fry. Fry now appears to be attempting to piledrive me . . . (THUD) (cough, cough) . . . no, I was wrong . . . (hack) . . . powerbomb through the announcer's table. In the meantime, (choke) Playboy Cartel has gotten the pin. We'll be right back (gag) with our feature bout.

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We're set to go for our main event. Tyrone Mayhem will take on B.F. Sack in a hardcore cage match. OK, so, if Sack wins is he out of the Circle? Or is it if he loses?
I don't know. Hey, is this the cage match where you have to escape the cage?
Pinfalls OR cage escape, I'm being told.
This "hardcore cage match" is set for one fall, or a win via escape from the cage. Currently on his way down the aisle, weighing 200 lbs., here is TYRONE MAYHEM!
("Regulate" by Warren G plays. Loud response, most of it good.)
And his opponent, from Panama City, Florida, weighing 282 lbs., here is B.F. SACK!
(The theme to "Sanford and Son" plays. Grady is right behind, just before security sends him away.)

***bell rings.
And here we go! Tyrone opens up right away with a hurricanrana! Sack is down. Tyrone picks up a steel chair. He's near the ropes. Sack gets up smiling. He lunges at Tyrone, who goes over the side, and . . . under the ring?!?
Yeah, there's about a three foot gap between the cage and the ring. Cheap STWF...
Sack now looking around. He begins to climb over the ropes and... HERE COMES MAYHEM FROM THE OTHER SIDE . . . FLYING CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!
Wow!!! Sack never saw it coming.
Tyrone climbing the post . . . Sack up . . . Sack slams him into the cage! Look at that splatter. Tyrone is bleeding like crazy!
Tyrone? Did you see the back of Sack's head?
Sack is staggering around the ring. Tyrone going under the ring again. He comes back out with a tire iron and a flaming baseball bat, you know, standard under-the-ring stuff.
I have a feeling some bad stuff is about to go down.
Sack knocks the bat away, but Mayhem cracks Sack's cranium with the tire iron! Somehow, Sack is able to get a hold of Mayhem . . . CHOKESLAM!!!
I can't believe Sack is still standing.
Sack picks Mayhem up . . . going for a powerbomb. . . REVERSAL INTO ANOTHER HURRICANRANA BY MAYHEM!!!
His agility never ceases to amaze me.
Mayhem now, motions toward his "package." He begins to climb the cage! He's at the top and Sack is just beginning to get to his feet . . . Sack doesn't seem to know where Mayhem is . . . SHOOTING STAR PRESS INTO A CRADLE BY MAYHEM!!! ONE . . . TWO . . . THR . . . NO! Kickout by Sack!
I have NEVER seen a move like that, much less from the top of a cage. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't think a kickout would be possible. Mayhem . . . picks up Sack . . . both men have lost a lot of blood . . . springboard bodyblock! Sack catches it! Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Sack goes under the ring now. He gets a cinderblock! Back in the ring . . .
Uh-oh . . .
This comeback by Sack is mind-boggling!
Well, he is a former world champion. Neither man able to stand on steady legs. Mayhem now, somehow able to get some running momentum . . . THE SMACKDOWN!!!
Sack has to be out now.
Mayhem appears to be going for a cage escape. He's halfway up... and Sack gets up! He staggers around, but somehow finds Mayhem's ankle. He throws him to the mat!
Pin him, you idiot!
Sack wants to do a little more damage it looks like. Picks up Mayhem, who appears to be unconscious. Fireman's carry into a bulldog!
The refs need to stop this one before somebody dies.
"Before somebody dies?" Will you shut up! You didn't seem too concerned when Chris Fry took me to the cleaners.
Focus on the match.
Sack picks up the much smaller Mayhem . . . and throws him into the side of the cage.
Wow! Did you see the dent Mayhem left?
Sack all but certainly will go for the pin here. . . no . . . picks Mayhem up and throws him into the same spot!
Pin him! We're running out of TV time!!!
Sack picks up Mayhem once again. Looks like Sack is about to pass out. He's going to throw him one more time it looks like . . . there he goes and - OHH! MAYHEM BROKE THROUGH THE CAGE THAT TIME! AND SACK IS PASSED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
I told you that cheap STWF cage wasn't worth a lick.
***bell rings.
What happens now?
Here is your winner, by cage escape, TYRONE MAYHEM!
A controversial finish to an amazing match.
And a HUGE win for Mayhem over the former world champ.
Yes, and as the rest of the Inner Circle as well as our medical crew goes to assist the two men, we can only speculate as to Sack's status in the IC. We're out of time! For Captain Twilight, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden saying, please join us next week on Friday Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough. Good night!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre