(The camera pans around the Slobberknocker arena, and the two guys carrying sparklers and flare guns are present to start the show.
Girl Friday the "full figured" dancer, is in the ring.)
Welcome folks to the second edition of Friday Friday Friday! I am your host, Angus "Vince" McMadden. Joining me is Gary "the Glutton" Gourmando.
(munch munch) Urp! Oh. Hi.
Geez, Gary, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times - no eating in the announcers' booth, no burping on air!
Okay, okay, just tell 'em the line-up already.
We've got an exciting show for you tonight! Zebulon will be taking on Sweet Candy Andy and the Keeper will be going head to head with Pepe. As well as ThatGuy in action...
Lord, who'd be dumb enough to get in the circled square with ThatGuy?
Well, shut up and I'll tell you. It's the <-BLEEP->swhupper! And in tag action we have Paranoia as they face Lester Leary and Larry Lowbrow, the Vegas Connection.
Take it away, Announcer Lad!
This contest is set for one fall. From New York, weighing 254 lbs., and accompanied by the Candygirls, SWEET CANDY ANDY!
Man, my chocolate's SOOOOO sweet!
("Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. Andy enters. Small pop, wolf whistles for the girls.)
And his opponent, from Charleston, WV, weighing 290 lbs., ZEBULON!
("Workin' in a Coal Mine" plays. Zebulon enters to a mixed reaction, mostly boos.)
Andy and Zeb lock up. Zebulon with an arm bar. Andy's tapping his shoulder, and a reversal. Zebulon breaks free and Irish-whips Andy to the buckle. Zebulon charges, but Andy has enough faculties to give a boot to Zeb's head.
I wouldn't worry about Zebulon's head. Not much to damage there.
Zebulon's still staggering, and Andy in with a clothesline. The cover: 1...2...no.
Yeah, right. Like a pin would happen this early. Get real.
Andy picks up Zebulon and a flurry of roundhouse rights. The crowd counts:
FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!
Zebulon looks a little punch drunk. Don't say it, Glutton. Andy is climbing the top rope and setting up for the Flying Pimp Slap. Zeb comes around and catches the Sweet One in the air! Zebulon beating on Andy like a madman. Zebulon kicks Andy's midsection with those steel-toed boots. Andy's doubled over. Zebulon sets up for the Strip Mine piledriver! HITS! One...two...and Zebulon wins.
Here is your winner....ZEBULON!
Moving quickly on, the Vegas Connection meet up with Paranoia. Paranoia in the ring...
And their opponents, representing the Entertainment Industry and accompanied by Rimshot and Gruff...Lester Leary,Lounge Lizard. Larry Lowbrow. THE VEGAS CONNECTION!
(Lester sings "Viva Las Vegas". A good number of boos.)
This match is well underway. Leary and Snare mixing it up.
Wish we could get some catering here. And a bartender. With this card, I could USE a drink.
I don't care who our sponsor is, we can't advocate drinking on the air. As for the food, we can't afford a caterer, and some guys go ballistic at the sight of food. Back to the action. Leary really taking a beating at the hands of Snare. Tag to a fresh DOOM. DOOM flings Leary into a turnbuckle.
Lucky for Leary it's his own corner. He tags Larry Lowbrow.
Lowbrow starts in on DOOM with some punches, and now an eye-rake! DOOM staggering around, blinded. Lowbrow goes for a dropkick. Lowbrow covers: 1...2..shoulder up. Lowbrow, angry, with an elbow drop. But wait! What's this?! The Inevitables are running to the ring! The Harbinger of Death pushes Rimshot's wheelchair, for the second card in a row!
Great strategy. That's one way of distracting the Vegas Connection.
Terrible, but true. But it's no way to treat a disabled person, no matter how unpopular. A shameful act of cowardice.
I guess. GST and Harbinger obviously targeting the Vegas Connection, their opponents at the upcoming Heart-Breaking HELL!
Shameless plug. What'samatter, Angus? Is the buyrate low right now?
Shut up, Gary. Taxes is cleaning both guys' clocks, Gruff is handling the Harbinger. Here comes "Black" Jack Dealer, and...
The winners of this match, as a result of a disqualification, the Vegas Connection!
Paranoia not happy with this. The Entertainment Industry taking a beating, except for Gruff, who wheels Rimshot and himself to safety.
We'll take a break. When we come back, Keeper will take on Pepe, but first, ThatGuy will take on the Asswhu<-BLEEP->. Hey! We've really got to get some new 7-second tape delay guys!
Heart Breaking Hell is just two days away! Don't know the line-up? You better call somebody!
Inbred Clem's Liquor Shoppe! C'mon down and see our faan seeee-lection of moonshaan. Our staff of rednecks brew the faanest quality moonshine this side'a'Bammy! You c'n choose from'n'our 2-gallon, 4-gallon, or Jamboree size 10-gallon jugs! Yeeeeehaaaaw! And remember, here at Inbred Clem's, we don't discriminate on age...Thanks to our "don't ask, don't tell, we sell" policy, there'n ain't no ID required! Not that we could read 'em anyway. We're rednecks, all we care about is makin' money ta feed the pigs `n' Gramma, not necessarily in that order. So c'mon down, y'hear?
We're back. I sure hope Der Kommissaar is happy this time. We got an actual sponsor.
Enough sarcasm! ThatGuy and the 'Whupper are in the ring.
The chants of "You're Not Safe!" are starting already. ThatGuy attempting a test-o'-strength, but the <-BLEEP->swhupper not going for it.
Smart move. You'd have to be stupid, or crazier than, well, ThatGuy, to go in a test-o'-strength with ThatGuy.
ThatGuy takes a hold of the 'Whupper and gives him an Irish whip to the ropes, 'Whupper bounces off and attempts a lariat. ThatGuy with a kick to the 'Whupper's midesection. <-BLEEP->swhupper doubled over. ThatGuy with a spinning DDT. The cover: 1...2...THIS IS OVER ALREADY! No wait, kickout. 'Whupper on the warpath, rights and lefts, attempt of the Moneymaker...but he stops because there's action at ringside!
Hey look, Sweet Candy Andy is talking to Mama. He's whispering something in her ear. She's smiling and giggling.
Incredible, folks. Mama is leaving with Sweet Candy Andy. The <-BLEEP->swhupper is stunned. He's watching in total disbelief as Mama leaves ringside. The Playmaker is awaiting orders - follow or stay? ThatGuy takes advantage, rolls the 'Whupper up into a small package. The quick count: 1.2.3!
Here is your winner, ThatGuy! (Crowd goes berserk.)
Wow. What an interesting turn of events. The Candyman may have lost his match, but he gained a new girl. I wonder what Pimp of the Year will have to say about this. Mama has left the <-BLEEP->swhupper!
One more match for tonight, so let's get it started.
This contest is set for one fall. Making his way toward the ring, weighing 106 lbs., PEPE THE MEXICAN MIDGET!
(Mexican Hat Dance plays. A midget-size pop. El Presidente is right behind. The lights go dark and the Keeper is in the ring.)
What an interesting match this is shaping up to be. We have the STWF's tallest wrestler versus the shortest. Business is about...TO PICK UP!
Thank you Jim Ross. Well, this'll be a squash, so excuse me while I grab a sandwich.
Another one? Hey! Get back here! Well, I hope Gary shows up again soon. The ref checking the boots of the Keeper, and the
Pepe gets on the top rope for a stare-down. They just barely meet eye-to-eye. Pepe jumps on the Keeper's back. Now Pepe with a sleeperhold. The Keeper seems unfazed. He picks Pepe off himself with one hand, and flings him like a piece of trash. Not that Pepe is, I'm not implying that at all. The Keeper with a head of steam, and a BIG legdrop!
(munch, munch) Is Pepe crushed yet?
Where have YOU been?
To get a sandwich, I told you. And while I was up, I noticed some guy up in the rafters.
Oh! And the Keeper with a running powerslam! The cover: 1...2...no.
So anyway, the guy in the rafters. Up there, see?
That's StreetMime! And he looks so emotionless in that white make-up. I wonder what he's doing up there.
Pepe crawls between Keeper's legs and kicks him in the back. Keeper is furious! He grabs Pepe and it looks like it's time for the Darkness!
Told you it would be a squash. And is there time for me to get another sandwich?
No. This is the last match. The Keeper covers 1...2...3. And the Keeper continues his onslaught.
Another prediction, signed, sealed and delivereed by the Glutton. BRAAAAAAP.
But did you predict THIS?! StreetMime down from the rafters on a rappelling belt! StreetMime to save the day!
StreetMime pointing an imaginary bat at the Keeper...and...NO! StreetMime feels the Darkness too!
So much for that. Hey cool! The Pixie dust is falling, and I can hear Harry laughing!
Keeper yelling for the Boy, as if something was new here. That's all our time, folks. Please tune in to Heart-Breaking Hell coming up in a few short days! And tune in to Friday Friday Friday next week, because one Friday is never enough. Good night!
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre