Friday Friday Friday #16
{{Leading the way for the ever-approaching
"Canada Day Chaos," Friday Friday Friday opens with a quick
promotion for the event. As the show gets under way, we are treated to
the colorful blasts of assorted roman candles and bottle rockets.
Apparently, the STWF officials have struck a deal with Crazy Joe's
House Of Fireworks to purchase faulty merchandise in bulk. Of course,
if the pyro guys start losing hands, they have no one to blame but
themselves.}}
Good evening ladies and gentlemen!! We're on the air, we're live, and
we're rated TV-14... thank you for joining us for another edition of
Friday Friday Friday. As if you didn't know, I'm Angus "Vince"
McMadden... and by my side, as always, is the seldom speechless Jamal
Tupac Mustafa. Say hello, Jamal...
'Sup.
We have a great deal of action for you this evening, viewers... we'll
see the Rogue's Gallery... Nik At Nyte will be in action... The Inner
Circle have some sort of talk segment planned, plus B.F Sack will put
his belt on the line against the Drunken One, Death. All that, plus
LOTS more here on this program.
{{The crowd does little more than mumble as the Village People
re-dubbing "Nacho Man" blasts over the PA system.}}
Our first contest, scheduled for one fall, is with a
twenty minute time limit. Currently making his way down the aisle... he
weighs in at 215 lbs., and hails from Guadalajara, Mexico... led to the
ring by El Presidente and Salsa, and representing Mexico Unlimited,
former ICCTINACBBIC title holder: Tortilla Tito!!
{{Flanked by El Presidente and Salsa, Tortilla Tito climbs into the
ring and awaits his challenge.}}
And his opponent...
{{The crowd boos as the Generic Japanese Theme Music Of A Wrestler
>From Another Organization plays. Sasuke comes out first, waving the
Japanese War Flag.}}
Hailing from Osaka, Kansai, Japan... he weighs in
at 185 lbs., and is led to the ring by the great Sasuke... he is:
Oni-Saaaaan!!
Oni-San with us again this week. Unfortunately, we didn't get to see
too much of this rookie last week in his match against OddJobber when
the Inner Circle saw fit to disrupt our broadcast. The referee signals
the time keeper, and this thing is underway. These are two great
cruiserweights before us, here... Tortilla Tito, of course, a former
title holder. Oni-San, a new-comer here, and has not yet proven himself
to the fans or his fellow wrestlers. A win over Tito could really
establish this young man as a title contender. We'll see.
Maybe.
Jamal... being quiet this week. I like it.
Yo, screw you, V...
Quiet, and belligerent... interesting. A lock-up, and Tito is pushed
back into the corner. The ref calls for the clean break, but no such
luck as Oni-San delivers a stinging left hook across Tito's face.
Oni-San being warned about his actions, but he simply ignores the
warnings as he picks Tito up and executes a beautiful scoop slam.
Sasuke looks very happy at his protégé's performance thus
far. El
Presidente looks rather concerned.
If Sasuke ain't careful, he gonna end up in a trash
bag out behind a Taco Bell, somewhere... ... El Presidente makes things
happen.
That's always a possibility. Tito back up, but he is met by a running
drop kick. Oni-San with the cover... 1... 2... no. Tito up on two.
Tito with a leg sweep, and down into a grapevine. Oni-San on the
defensive now. The referee is asking Oni-San if he wants to submit...
no such luck. Oni-San struggling... ... and finally... ... yes! He
makes it to the ropes, and the hold must be broken. Both men back up on
their feet, now... another lock-up, and Tito is on the receiving end of
a knee to the gut. Tito is doubling over, and Oni-San tosses him out
of the ring, to the arena floor. What could he be setting Tito up for?
Oni-San into the ropes, now... from the other side... jumps up...
springboard plancha!! He plasters Tortilla Tito on the outside!
Boo-yeah! That was awesome, V!
Very impressive, indeed... Oni-San picks Tito up and rolls him back into
the ring. Back in the ring, himself, now... Oni-San into the ropes,
drops a quick elbow on Tito and goes for the cover... 1... 2... no!
Tito back up, still with some fight left in him. You're not going to
put a former STWF title holder away that easily!
One word: StreetMime.
Okay, enough of that. StreetMime is a great worker. He'll be out here
later, as well. Tito tries to go for a backslide, but Oni-San drops to
his knees, and reverses it. The pin... 1... 2... Thr... no! What a
close one, Tito just barely getting his shoulder up on two. What's
this? Salsa on the ring apron, now... distracting the referee... on the
other side, here comes El Presidente with a chair! This is about to get
ugly, folks! Wait! Sasuke in the ring now... spinning heel kick to El
Presidente, sending him reeling to the corner! Oni-San picks up the
chair, and BLASTS Tortilla Tito! Salsa has no idea that the plan went
awry, and that she may have just inadvertently cost her man the match!
The managers out of the ring, now... Oni-San signalling for something...
could we see the Oni-Bomb??
Magic 8-Ball says "More than likely."
Scoops Tito up... runs with him... yes!! The Oni-Bomb it was! The
cover is just a technicality, here... 1... 2... 3! Yes, the rookie has
defeated the elder Tortilla Tito! Oni-San is victorious!
Here is your winner: Oni-San!
El Presidente in the ring now, verbally attacking Salsa and Tortilla
Tito. All is not well in Mexico Unlimited, it seems. Oni-San and
Sasuke are celebrating their way back to the locker area. Wow, what a
way to open up this week's show! Wouldn't you say, Jamal?
Yea, whatever.
Jamal... what is wrong with you?!
Nuffin'.
No, really... something is wrong.
Nope.
Come on, Jamal... you're not being your jovial self... what is it?
Okay... you want the trufh?
Yes... the truth would be nice.
I been out here bustin' my hump commentatin', like,
fo'ever... and all o' a sudden, the Inner Circle pops up and gets they
own talk segment. What about me? When does Jamal get to speak his
piece?
Well, Jamal... if you really want to... go ahead... right now. We have
a few minutes before our next match.
A'ight, then... ... da gloves are off... Jamal's
gonna tell it like it is.
Okay...
I think that da STWF back office suits
suck.
Uh-huh... ... ... ... oh, is that all?
Yup.
Oh, well... ... happy now?
Yea, brah... thanks. Jus' wanted da
opportunity.
Oh, well... no problem. In fact, the STWF officials are not real
popular right now, with all the card delays and all... ... but that's
neither here nor there. Our next match is ready to get under-way, so
let's take you back down to ringside.
The following contest is scheduled for one fall,
and is with a forty minute time limit. Currently coming down the aisle,
at a total combined weight of 610 lbs., lead to the ring by Strep, the
team of Carnage, and The Stalker!!
Contrary to popular belief, the Stalker is not related to, nor is he in
any way affiliated with Barry Windham.
{{The crowd gives a quiet, yet positive, response as Carnage,
Stalker, and "Strep" (formerly the unnamed manager) step out from the
back. KI$$'s "Danger" begins to play a few moments too late.}}
Sounds like da audio guy fell asleep at the wheel,
again.
Certainly does... Carnage's manager now recognized as "Strep" by the
STWF. Strep, or course, winning the "Name Carnage's Manager"
contest...
I still calls 'im "Red."
Well, Strep it is... of course, whether or not Strep and Carnage decide
to accept that name is anyone's guess. Carnage and Stalker in the ring
now... awaiting the arrival of Nik At Nyte.
Maybe Stalker should take a cue from Not Prisoner
X, and call himself "Not Barry Windham." It would help clear up a lot
of confusion.
You seem to be the only one who's confused, Jamal.
Yea, well...
{{The crowd gives a VERY loud negative response as the rap-remix of
"Love Is All Around (The Theme To The Mary Tyler Moore Show)" thumps out
of the PA speakers. Rimshot comes out first, leading the notorious Mr.
Fred. Darren #3 and Rodney Ricardo follow, dressed in their
grotesquely-colored eggplant and pumpkin Armani suits.}}
I've said it once, I'll say it again... eggplant and pumpkin... I had
NO idea Armani made suits in those colors.
And their opponents... hailing from TV Land, they
weigh in at a total combined weight of 520 lbs. Accompanied to the ring
by their managers Rimshot and Mr. Fred, here is: Rodney Ricardo...
Darren #3... representing the Entertainment Industry, Nik at
Nyte!!
{{More loud boos ring out as the trio enter the squared circle, with
Mr. Fred left standing on the outside.}}
The fans really hate these guys. They started in the STWF as bums off
the street... loveable mid-card babyface bums. Now, since hooking up
with the Entertainment Industry, they've become the arrogant heels who
are only out to make a buck... and they've been quite successful since
the change!
Da fans hate it when someone's more successful as
heels than faces... ... it's sour grapes... like they sayin' "Look, we
don't need no fan support." Makes da fans feel unimportant.
Impressive! That was an insightful and almost coherent thing to
say!
Word.
It looks like Darren #3 and Stalker will be starting things off, here.
Strep, Rimshot, and Mr. Fred all at ringside. What a match this should
be. Carnage and Stalker made the challenge, but Nik At Nyte didn't
want any part of them... ...
Until da back office started pullin' out da cash.
In da Entertainment Industry, it's all about da moolah.
Quite right... Stalker and D3 lock up... D3 pushes Stalker away and
yells "Get your filthy hands off me"?!? Who does he think he is?
Gorgeous George? Oh, brother... it just gets worse and worse with these
guys. Here we go... another lock up, and D3 throws Stalker to the mat.
It appears that D3 has been doing a little conditioning... looks to be
in great shape. What a difference new management makes.
I hear dat...
Stalker back up, and... tackles D3!! Wow! Grabs D3 back up... Irish
whip to the turnbuckle... big splash! D3 is rocked... and collapses in
the corner! Stalker drags him out and goes for the pin... 1... 2... No!
Ricardo makes the save on two. Helps his partner to the corner, before
the referee forces him out. The tag is made now, and Ricardo is in.
Let's see if his quickness can overwhelm the much larger Stalker...
well, we won't find out because Stalker just tagged in the EVEN LARGER
Carnage.
These EI guys are gettin' dwarfed by these new
guys.
Very true... Carnage grabs Ricardo by the collarbone and tosses him to
the corner... Oh, my!! Running knee-lift! Carnage clobbering Ricardo
in the corner, now... beating the little man down. Not even Milwaukee's
Best manhandled Nik At Nyte like these guys are!
Milwaukee's Best... da only guys to beat Nik At
Nyte so far... but this team of Carnage and Stalker lookin' pretty
phat... I think they gots a chance. But don't count m'boyz Nik At Nyte
out yet... they use them brains...
That's right. Nik At Nyte are very wiley, especially under Rimshot's
guidance. Carnage picks up Ricardo... vertical suplex coming up!!
Holds him up for a moment, letting all of the blood flow to his head...
and, yes... drops him down hard! The cover... 1... 2... Darren #3 makes
the save. Nik At Nyte are going to have to do something quick...
Ricardo dashes to the corner and tags D3. Maybe the larger D3 can take
Carnage down. D3 charges... tries a clothesline, but Carnage doesn't
go down. Big boot... err, loafer to the midsection... Carnage is
staggered, but still won't go down!! D3 with a series of double
ax-handles to the big man's back... Carnage finally on one knee... D3
into the ropes, comes back with a flying body block... Carnage down, and
D3 tags in Ricardo. Ricardo climbs to the top turnbuckle, executes a
beautiful Shooting Star Press. Goes for the cover... 1... 2... Carnage
gets the shoulder up, but just barely.
I'm impressed, V... this ain't da squash match
people thought it was gonna be.
I agree... Carnage tags in Stalker. Stalker charges Ricardo, but
Ricardo moves... crescent kick sends Stalker down... Ooo... he caught
that one hard!! Ricardo signalling for the Babalu Bounce!! We could
see it! Y-... wait a minute!
Uh-oh... here comes trouble for Nik At
Nyte!
Indeed! The Vegas Connection coming down the ramp to ringside. Lester
Leary has a microphone.
That ain't never good!
Lester: Hey, Nik At Nyte!! You think you're the greatest? You
think YOU are the première tag team of the Entertainment Industry?
That's crap!! JACK! Listen here, pals... We're former tag team
champions... we've been around this dump since the beginning, and now
that we've outgrown it, we're burning up the charts in the MBC. We're
getting a tag shot there... have you even gotten a tag shot here, yet?
NO! JACK!
Darren #3 now, on the floor, making a run at the Connection, Rimshot
trying to hold him back... but in a wheelchair, it's of no use! Darren
#3 charging up the ramp... someone leaps out of the audience!! It's
Gavin Macleod of Love Boat and Mary Tyler Moore fame! He
attacks D3 with a steel chair!!
Fo' an old fart, he swingin' like a major
leaguer!
Darren #3 is down on the runway... Rimshot over to check on him, and
he's scolding the Vegas Connection! Meanwhile, back in the ring...
Carnage is up, and beating Ricardo down... Ricardo crawls over to his
corner, but looks confused that no one is there...
This thang comin' apart at da seams, V!
The referee gets Carnage out of the ring, and Stalker is finally back
up... Ricardo has no place to go... Rimshot and D3 aren't ringside...
he looks to Mr. Fred for guidance...
Mr. Fred: !!! !!! !!! !!!
No dice... Mr. Fred is stumped...
Is that what he said?
I dunno... he jus' looks confused...
Sure, Jamal... whatever you say, man... Stalker attacks Ricardo,
sending him to the mat with a big chop!
Whooo!
What?!
Nuffin'.
The much larger Stalker is having his way with the kid from Harlem...
the Desi Arnaz incarnate. Back on the ramp... the medics are coming
down to retrieve the fallen Darren #3... Macleod and the Vegas
Connection are all hugs by the entranceway, and they've been joined
by... Todd Bridges?! Are we seeing the reformation of the Ratings
Flock?!?
Gawd, let's hope not...
Why isn't the referee stopping this match? Stalker tags Carnage in...
Carnage all over Ricardo... whips him to the buckle... Strep slides a
steel chair into the ring... the referee sees it and STILL does nothing!!
Carnage lifts up Ricardo... sits him on the top turnbuckle... he's going
for the Doomsday! No one's here to help Nik At Nyte... the rest of the
Entertainment Industry are fulfilling contractual agreements down in
Rio...
Sure, they are... ::winks::
Carnage on the top now... Doomsday, top rope piledriver! Yes!! I bet
Anarchy is angry about that one... 1... 2... 3!
Here are your winners: The team of Stalker and
Carnage!
The referee, Stalker, Carnage, and Strep are all hugging in the ring...
Bridges, Macleod, Lowbrow, and Leary all hugging on the ramp... both Nik
At Nyte members are down, and Rimshot doesn't know what to think! I
smell conspiracy! Carnage and Leary giving each other the "thumbs up."
I'm trying to sympathize with the Nik At Nyte boys, but I really can't.
Something leads me to believe that they got what they deserved.
Maybe.
The medics are getting Nik At Nyte out of here... you know, Der
Kommissaar really needs to up the medical budget... they're taking these
guys out on old hammocks from out back... Mr. Fred looks visibly
upset.
DAAAAMN! Check that out, V!!
So upset, in fact, that he's charging the Vegas Connection!! They're
high-tailing it out of here!! Someone's got to stop that horse!! Well,
at least he's out of our area... galloping off through the back
somewhere. I wonder what Rimshot will have to say about all of this.
And what more can happen tonight?!
Lots... we still gots three matches, plus "The
Inner Sanctum."
Well, let's not waste any time... Announcer Lad, take it away.
Our following contest, scheduled for one fall is
with a five minute time limit...
Five minutes?
It's a StreetMime match...
Oh, a'ight.
Currently coming down the aisle, from Nice,
France... weighing in at 209 lbs., StreetMime!
{{The crowd is silent as StreetMime walks against the wind, to the
ring.}}
And his opponent, hailing from Detroit,
Michigan... weighing in at 335 lbs., the "Kinder, Gentler"
Executioner!
{{The crowd gives a loud, mixed response as the Executioner comes
down to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog."}}
Well, this is the first time we've seen the Executioner since he started
taking those anger management classes... let's see if they made a
difference. Lock-up with the StreetMime... scoops him up... press slam!
Impressive...
No, not really...
Yea, you're right... Executioner with the cover... 1... 2... 3! In a
rematch from Monday Nae Trous #28's "StreetMime Rules" match for the
title, the Executioner has gotten his revenge. Does this mean he'll be
making a run at whoever wins tonight between Death and B.F. Sack?
Possibly!
Maybe the Executioner really is kinder and gentler!
He helpin' the StreetMime up, and raisin' his hand...
Oh, and now they're hugging...
If you axe me, they been too much huggin' on the
card tonight...
And we're only half-way through!! Coming up next, if we can focus our
attention on the stage left of the arena... ... the Inner Circle, with
the "Inner Sanctum." Their little talk segment... ... Inner Circle,
take it away... ...
{{The yet to be determined Inner Circle theme music plays as the
Inner Circle comes out to a huge pop. Just to further vex Jamal Tupac
Mustafa, they engage in a group hug, before taking their places on the
set of the Inner Sanctum.}}
TIGER: Hey everybody, welcome to the
inaugural edition of the Inner Sanctum. We will be here every week
giving you the inside scoop on what's goin down in the STWF.
TYRONE: Ain't that what the rumors are fo', yo?
BEAST LIGHT: Well for those of us who don't care who is in the
Image factory, Exectioner, or how the Rogue is "supposably" making a
return, this is the place to be.
TIGER: We will bring you up close with your favorite
personalities every week on FFF. The good, the bad, and yes, Pencil
Neck Geek, the ugly. This is where you will get the uncensored truth
about the STWF, not just what Der Kommissaar wants you to know.
BEAST: With Canada Day Chaos coming soon, we have a special
guest with us today.
BEAST LIGHT: Canada Day Chaos? Isn't that where random teams of
three compete with the winning team then facing each other and the
winner gets a title shot?
TIGER: uh...yeah
BEAST LIGHT: So what team am I on?
{{The group looks at each other nervously.}}
BEAST: uh...Team E?
BEAST LIGHT: Man, I can't wait!
{{Tiger whispers to Tyrone who is sitting beside him "Someone has GOT
to tell him that he didn't make the cut!"}}
TIGER: Well, getting back to business. Our
guest today is none other than Mira Maniac!
{{Alice Cooper's 1989 classic "This Maniac's in Love With You" plays
as the Maniac, accompanied by Vito Sorvino, comes out to a chorus of
boos and takes his place next to the Tiger.}}
TIGER: Well, since you, me and Not Prisoner
X are a team, it is only fair that you are my first guest.
MANIAC: That, and I AM the best
interview in the STWF!
{{Tiger again whispers to Tyrone "check out this guy!"}}
TIGER: I think it is obvious that we have
the best team, do you think that Bohemoth, Executioner, and Col. "Pops"
Khorne will give us a challenge in the first match?
MANIAC: Well, you and I have already proven
ourselves against Bohemoth, Executioner hasn't been good in a long time,
and The Colonel actually remembers when the Ex WAS good. I mean, give
me a break! Besides, if you ask me, I think the Executioner has lost
step.
TIGER: Executioner...isn't that guy dead or
something?
MANIAC: He was, but he got better.
TIGER: Anyway, after we win the tourney, do
you actually think you can beat me and NPX?
MANIAC: I don't think I can, I know I can!
YEA!
TIGER: Settle down superstar, let's save it
for the ring. ::turning towards Vito:: So Guido, what's your
story?
VITO: First of all, call me Guido again,
and I'll cut your %@*$ing nuts off!
TIGER: Sorry!! Honest mistake, I
swear!
VITO: The story is this: The boss, here...
the Maniac was having a couple of troubles. First of all, he needed
help getting his foot in the door with Good Cousin Mira... I helped. He
has an appointment wit' her publicist a week from Thursday. Secondly,
he ain't the biggest of wrestlers... he needed someone to watch his
back... I did that, too. Plus, he needed someone who could clean his
house and make a mean Chicken Carbonara. That's me. I was a part time
butler before I hooked up wit' the STWF.
TIGER: Well... Mira, is there anything else
you want to add?
MIRA: Well, first of all... I look forward
to being your partner at Canada Day Chaos... then I look forward to
winning the triangle match... and then I look forward to defeating the
champion, and becoming the next BMOC. Secondly, look for a change with
the Asylum Alliance. Bohemoth, Circus Freaks, ThatGuy... y'know...
they're m'boys... we're tight... but I don't think we're being all that
we can be. The Maniac's not going to wait for someone to pass him the
ball... ... I'm just going to take it and run...
TIGER: That's very interesting... sorry,
but "the man" says that we are out of time. Next week we hope to
have a debate betweem Mr. Fred and Not Prisoner X. The topic: Who has
the worst gimick in the Tag Division, The Techie Salesmen or the Bad
A$$es. Enjoy the rest of the show!
{{The lights dim on the Inner Sanctum set, as the cameras once again
roll on Angus and Jamal.}}
Well, that was certainly interesting... what are your thoughts on it,
Jamal?
Better than da Love Shack or Barber Shop, but not
yet as good as the Funeral Parlor or Piper's Pit.
Fair enough. Our next match, ladies and gentlemen, is another tag
match, and a contest between two new teams here. On one side, we have
the Rogue's guys... Rhythm & Blues...
Whoa!! The Rogue has signed Greg Valentine and da
Honky Tonk Man!?!
No... this is another Rhythm & Blues... Elwood P. Rhythm, and C.P.
Blues. They take on everyone's favorite disgruntled fast food workers,
The Crew. If you ask me, neither team here can afford the loss.
I think you right, V.
The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is
with a thirty minute time limit. Currently coming down the aisle, from
Los Angeles, California... weighing in at a total combined weight of 597
lbs., John Whopper... Chris Fry... The CREW!
{{The crowd gives a less-than-loud chorus of boos and moans as the
Crew comes down the aisle.}}
And their opponents...
{{"Weird Al" Yankovic's "Eat It" begins to play.}}
Apparently, the audio guy is having some more problems...
Hailing from Hitsville, USA... weighing in at a
total combined weight of 600 lbs., lead to the ring by the Rogue, and
representing the Rogue's Gallery... Elwood P. Rhythm... C.P. Blues...
... RHYTHM & BLUES!!
{{The crowd gives a loud negative response as Rhythm & Blues, with
the Rouge, comes down the aisle. They look visibly displeased that they
are coming down to the Crew's theme music. Nonetheless, the climb into
the ring.}}
The bell rings, and this thing is ready to start. The referee is
getting the Rogue out of the ring. Whopper and Blues are going to start
this thing.
Whopper and Blues... that sounds like a tag team,
itself...
Uh-huh. Lock-up... Whopper with a headlock, but Blues just slips out of
it. It looks like the afro may be an advantage. Whopper and Blues
circling each other, now... Whopper dives at Blues' knees and takes him
down! Impressive maneuver! Whopper back up, drops the elbow!
{{Martha and the Vandelas' "Dancing In The Street" begins to
play.}}
Umm... yes, we are DEFINITELY having some problems up in the audio
booth.
Uh-oh! This ain't good for the Crew!! The music
is getting Rhythm & Blues hyped!
Blues is up, and he slides over to make the tag to Rhythm. Rhythm is,
now... plasters Whopper with a running clothesline... ... in, umm,
rhythm, I might add.
'Rasslin' to da Oldies... Richard Simmons, watch
out!
Whopper jets to his corner, tags in Fry. Fry jumps over the top rope
into the ring, but Rhythm is right there, catching him mid-air!
Belly-to-belly suplex! Rhythm into the ropes... drops a very stylish
elbow. The Rogue looks very pleased at ringside. Rhythm grabs Fry
up... Irish whip to the ropes... executes a beautiful spinebuster.
Rhythm & Blues look like they could very well be the NEW
Indestructibles!
Only wit' style!! Da brothas got it goin'
on!
Indeed!
{{The music stops.}}
Well, maybe we have things worked out in the audio booth...
{{The Cars' "You Might Think" begins to play.}}
...or maybe not.
It okay, though... nu-wave be bumpin',
too.
Come Monday, I'm sure we'll have a new audio guy... anyone wanting to
apply should check with the STWF front offices. Enough about that--
back to the action! Rhythm & Blues are just walking all over The
Crew!
Literally!
Oh, now THAT'S arrogance! Rhythm throws Fry to the mat, and is now
stepping on his face!! Oh, come on! It's obvious the Rogue has trained
these guys well... end it already!
I think he heard you... he goin' for da
Chartbuster!
You may be right... Rhythm now, has Fry up... drops him! Chartbuster!
Whopper tries to make the save, but is met by Blues, who tosses him from
the ring! The cover is made... 1... 2... 3! Successful second match
for Rhythm & Blues!
Ladies and gentlemen! Here are your winners:
Rhythm & Blues!!
We got the power, baby, 'cause we own the WORLD!!
Ha-LA!
The Rogue very happy with these guys... finally, the music has stopped
all together... maybe no music at all is better than the wrong music...
who knows? Well, The Crew are a good up-and-coming tag team, but the
Rogue's Rhythm & Blues just squashed them!
Well, if ya gots to be beaten, might as well be
beaten by da best!
Quite right, Jamal. Well, we're ready for our main event of the
evening... B.F. Sack, our world champion, actually answering the
challenge of Death, and putting his belt on the line.
Death made an open challenge, and Sack answered...
whatta chump... er, I mean champ...
Yes, well... apparently, they've replaced the audio guy with someone
competent... we'll see... Announcer Lad, take it away!
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest,
scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit, is for the STWF
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
{{The crowd pops big time. After a moment, the Chorus Of Death
begins to play, as Death comes stumbling from the back, garbed only in
boxer shorts and tube socks. He has a remote control in one hand, and
a bottle of Crown Royal in the other. Obviously celebrating Canada Day
early with some Canadian whiskey. A cigar dangles from his
mouth.}}
Introducing first, the challenger: He hails from
Death Valley, California, and weighs in at 310 pounds. He's half-naked,
and is STWF's own Drunken Menace... he is: DEATH!
{{He offers a sip of liquor to a young child at ringside before
staggering up the ring steps.}}
Get a load of this guy! What a scumbag!
I likes 'im. He should come down to Old Town and
hang wit' me and my clique...
And, the champion:
{{The crowd goes ballistic as The Theme To Sanford and Son
plays.}}
He hails from Panama City, Florida, and weighs in
at 282 pounds. Lead to the ring by Big Daddy Panama... the STWF
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD: B.F. SAAAAAACK!!
{{The crowd continues to go wild as Sack and Panama come down the
ramp, "Grady" in tow. BDP tries to shoo "Grady" away, but it's no
use.}}
Sack in the ring, now... the referee takes the belt and hold it up for
all to see. Death is... ... umm, scratching himself. Ooo, boy... I
shudder to think that this man could be champion.
Nah... ain't gonna happen. What we 'bout to see is
a good ol' fashioned "mid-carder gets punked by main eventer"
match.
I hope you're right. Death jumps Sack... the bell hasn't even rung!
Sack pushed to the outside... Death climbs to the top turnbuckle, and
... well, just sort of falls on Sack... sloppy, but effective. Big
Daddy Panama now, checking on Sack, but Death smashes that Crown Royal
bottle over his head!! Oh my God!!
Somebody get the hammocks ready, 'cause we 'bout to
need 'em.
Death is ramming Sack's head repeatedly into the guardrail! Death with
a steel chair, now... lays it right across Sack's spine! Death rolls
Sack into the ring, and follows. The bell rings, now. Medics out here,
once again... hauling BDP off. They're sure earning their paychecks
today. Sack is writhing on the mat... Death drops a big legdrop to the
back of his head. Could Death possibly win? We've already seen some
upsets tonight, with Carnage and Stalker beating Nik At Nyte, Oni-San
beating the veteran Tortilla Tito, and Rhythm & Blues squashing The
Crew...
Not to mention the StreetMime and Executioner
engaging in a public display of affection... and the first Inner
Sanctum.
This could very well be the most historically significant Friday Friday
Friday EVER!! Sack, grabs Death's foot and trips him up. Sack, back on
his feet... he won't go down easily, if he goes down at all! Sack,
stomping Death, now... it may not be technically pretty, but it will
wear your opponent down quickly. Sack with a kneedrop, and now going
for the cover... 1... 2... Death up!! Very surprising!! Death crawls
to the ropes, and pulls himself up. Action fast and furious, now...
Death charges Sack, hesitates, before he executes a reverse knife-edge
chop.
Looks like he fo'got what he was gonna
do!
Probably did... years of drinking will make you forget things... just
ask Milwaukee's Best, or Der Kommissaar.
]]]Hey! I don't drink! Well, maybe I enjoy a snifter
of
port at Christmas, and the occasional kegger when I watch another
federation's PPV, but that's IT! I've had just about enough of this
Kommissaar-bashing. End transmission![[[
What the hell just happened? Anyway.
Sack refuses to go down, rocks
Death with a hay-maker. The referee warns him about the closed fist.
Death, adjusting his boxer shorts, now...
Do you really hafta commentate on
EVERYTHING?
Well, umm... ... ... Sack with a running lariat! Catches Death
off-guard, and knocks him through the ropes to the ring apron. Sack
with the thrust kick!! Sends Death flying backwards... he hits the back
of his head on the steel rampway. He hit hard!! The referee starts the
count. Death is trying to get up, and back to the ring... can he do it?
2... 3... You must give credit to Sack... even after that beating he
took before the opening bell, he's giving it his all, and fighting a
terrific match here! 5...
Screw-job alert! Who is that?
>From the audience... a large masked man... dressed all in black, and
carrying a large pick-axe. He slides into the ring behind Sack...
referee is busy counting, doesn't see it... ... Oh, no!!! He just layed
Sack out with the handle of that axe! He's kicking the fallen
champion!! The referee STILL does not see it!
Ain't that the same ref that reffed the Nik At Nyte
match?
Yes, and I have a feeling come tomorrow he'll be joining the former
audio guy in the unemployment line. I hear PorkLand's hiring... that
might be good news... This masked man's attack rages on... a powerbomb,
now! Sack is out... completely out! He's choking Sack with the handle,
now!! 9... Death finally back in the ring, surprisingly, as this
unknown gentleman slides out under the bottom rope, and disappears back
into the audience. Death picks up the bloodied Sack, and sits him on
the top buckle... Death to the outside... climbing to the top, going
presumably for the Death Penalty. Could it be? Up... ... and DOWN!!
Death Penalty it was!! After the beating before the bell, and the
attack by the masked man, there is NO WAY Sack can get up after that!!
The cover is made... 1... 2... 3! I can not believe this!!! Death has
defeated Sack for the World Title!
A mediocre, third ranked for the North American
title, mid-card heel has defeated da ultra-babyface main event star, and
World Champ... only in da STWF! And da scary thing is, he ain't even
da worst world champion we've had! He does good to rank a distant
third...
That's neither here nor there! This is a travesty!! Death, now... with
the belt around his waist... Oh, good God, why did this happen?!
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, and NEW
STWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... DEATH!!!!!
{{The crowd's boos and hisses are deafening, as they begin littering
the ring with everything they can get their hands on... including
smaller, weaker members of the audience.}}
Random Audience Member: Hey!! Someone get Granny out of the
ring!!!
Death has never been more over than at this very
minute...
And with good reason!! These fans are outraged! Not only did he defeat
the mega-popular B.F. Sack to become the new World Champion, but it was
the way he did it!! I mean, come on! Has this guy ever won a clean
match?
Nope, and I doubt he ever will...
You may very well be right... well, the riot squad is on it's way, and
we're out of time. Thank you for joining us this evening... it's been a
night of surprises... for Jamal Tupac Mustafa, I'm Angus "Vince"
McMadden saying "Join us here next week for another Friday, Friday,
Friday... because one Friday is never enough!"
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo
Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre