Friday Friday Friday #14

{{The Meiger County Fairground Exhibition Hall is abuzz, as the SWTF returns to once again bring them Friday Friday Friday. The pyro guys joyfully set off a roman candle they found out behind Crazy Bob's Fireworks Emporium. This show is shaping up to be huge, as Angus "Vince" McMadden will certainly remind us.}}
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! What can I say? This show is shaping up to be HUGE! Before we continue, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden. Beside me here is my former Monday Nae Trous colleague Jamal Tupac Mustafa.
Yo, V... what up? Cain't believe this, man... I'm hyped. This has got to be da greatest FFF of all!
Not that it would be a great accomplishment, mind you. That aside, though, let's run down tonight's card. The Milwaukee's Best will put the belts on the line against the Bad Asses...
Where was da beep?
Never mind the beep. In a match of returning superstars, Wrestler Smurf takes on JJJ Forbes. In his STWF debut, the Stalker takes on former world champion the StreetMime. In yet another debut, the Crew takes on the veteran Vegas Connection, of the Entertainment Industry.
Two debut matches? I hope we don't turn into Saturday Night.
And finally, STWF World Heavyweight Champion B.F. Sack teams up with a yet unnamed partner, to take on Nik At Nyte, in a match of Nik At Nyte's choice. That could be a dangerous situation for either of these teams, depending on Sack's partner, or Nik At Nyte's match...
So true, V... ya know, I've been really impressed wit these Nik At Nyte guys lately. They came in a bunch of losers, but now, it seems like they be the hottest heel tag team in our fed today...
{McMadden nods.}
All I can say is dis: Boys got it goin' on.
They certainly have improved under Rimshot's guidance, I'll give them that... and their new arrogant attitudes get the heat, too. Newcomers Carnage and the Stalker have challenged them of late.
Unless Carnage and the Stalker put up da money, I don't think Nik At Nyte wants any part of 'em. We know what's on their minds.
Yes, well... ... Let's go down to Announcer Lad for our opening bout.
Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit, is for the STWF Tag Team Championships!
{{The crowd gives a generous pop.}}
Whoa! Tag title match first up! Looks like the bookers are pullin' out da big guns!
That is odd, isn't it? Maybe Der Kommissaar is punishing the Milwaukee's Best for their comments about the STWF bookers after last week's Friday Friday Friday.
Wouldn't be s'prised.
Introducing first, the challengers.
{{The crowd boos as AC/DC's "TNT" blares through the hall.}}
From Oakland, California, at a total combined weight of 470 lbs., Mark and Chris, The Bad Asses!!
Man, where is da beep?
{{The crowd litters the aisle with trash as the Bad Asses make their way to the ring.}}
I don't know. We ARE on Friday night, so maybe this is the back office's first step at a new hardcore image.
Let's hope not.
The Bad Asses are in the ring, waiting for the champions.
{{The crowd goes WILD as Guns 'N Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" begins to play. The Hall becomes a virtual sea of Inner Circle shirts and signs.}}
And now, the champions! From the glorious city of Milwaukee... weighing in at a total combined weight of 550 lbs., representing the Inner Circle, and the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD... MILKWAUKEEEEEEEEEEE'S BEST!!
I can't believe this! Listen to this ovation!
What's that, V? I cain't hear nuthin'.
Okay, the bell has rung, and the crowd has finally settled down. What a tremendous match to open up this week's broadcast.
Here we go. Looks like Beast Light and Mark will be starting this thing. Lock up... and Mark is pushed to the floor. It would not be wise to try and match power with either of the Milwaukee's Best... Mark makes the tag to Chris. Time to try another approach, I suppose. Chris OUT OF NOWHERE with the running lariat. Beast Light hits the canvas, and Chris is on top of him, with the chinlock.
These guys cain't be tired already.
Beast Light slips out of it and makes the tag to Beast. Beast comes in, and delivers a big scoop slam on Chris. Chris is down, Beast into the ropes... drops the big elbow. Quick cover... 1... not even close. Chris hops back to his feet, and lands a sharp European Uppercut on the big man. Beast is staggered but does not go down. Chris raises his hand in the air... what's this? He wants a test of strength with Beast?!
Stupid move.
Beast takes him up on the offer, and forces Chris clean down. His shoulders are on the mat... 1... 2... Chris with a kick to the midsection, and Beast lets go.
Stupid, stupid, stupid...
Chris is up... Beast into the ropes... big running clothesline! Beast is calling for it... "The Last Call." It could be all over here!!
It's over, a'ight... look.
Out of the crowd, here come Bait and Switch, the Techie Salesmen From Hell! Oh, no!! They just laid out Milwaukee's Best with those ergodynamic keyboards!
Man, look at dat! The Bad Asses are gettin' the hell out of Dodge...
The Bad Asses have indeed left, and now, some officials have come out here to try and get the Techies out of here. I guess that means another day, another match for the Bad Asses, as this one is a disqualification. Let's go down for the official word.
Ladies, and gentlemen, here are you winners by a disqualification, and STILL STWF Tag Team Champions: The Milwaukee's Best!
{{Crowd pops mildly, but is visibly disappointed at the match's end.}}
Certainly not a very popular ending, but we have Tri-Lambda to thank for that. The rest of the Inner Circle have come out to help the Milwaukee's Best from the ring. I'm sure they would've been here sooner, but the whole thing happened so fast!
Yeah, them nerds can move.
Moving right along, here, we have a debut match. One of two singles matches tonight.
Seems like the tag scene is heatin' up.
Certainly is... StreetMime is already in the ring, let's go down for the Stalker's introduction.
The following match is scheduled for one fall with a ten minute time limit. Currently in the ring, hailing from Nice, France, and weighing in at 209 lbs., former STWF World Heavyweight Champion, StreetMime!
{{The Streetmime waves to the crowd, but gets no response whatsoever.}}
Former world champ, V... the STWF ain't never gonna live that one down.
::sighs:: I agree.
And his opponent, hailing from... ... ummm... ::to someone off-camera:: is this right? It is? ::turning back:: hailing from, uhh... the "Ashes Of Utopia," and weighing in at 283 lbs., The Stalker!
I thought Barry Windham was a Blackjack, or sumptin...
Wrong Stalker...
{{The crowd offers little reaction as KI$$'s "Danger" plays, and the Stalker makes his way to the ring.}}
The crowd hasn't yet warmed up to this rookie. It's understandable. The fans of the STWF can be quite hard to please. StreetMime starts out... walks towards the Stalker, but stops. He's... uh...
Oh, no... not the invisible box thing.
Not for long... straight punch to the nose by the Stalker. The referee warns him about the closed fist, but it's too late! The StreetMime is out! The cover is made... 1... 2... 3! Just like that, it's over!
Thank God. One mo' second would've been one second too long.
Here is your winner: The Stalker!
Well, Jamal, what's your opinion on that last match?
I think it sucked, V.
Well, I think that covers it. Stay with us, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back after these messages.

In just a few days, it will be here. Something unlike anything you've ever seen. Something like the STWF has ever offered. No gimmicks... no stipulations... no angle developements... an STWF In Your Face Pay-Per-View... Unscented.

What does he want? No one knows. Why is he here? No one knows. How did he get here? No one knows. Two things we do know: His name is Superfly, and he's debuting next week, here on Friday Friday Friday.

Tonight's program is brought to you by: STWF - The Music. Look for it on the corner of Collins and Main, where a man in a dark hat sells them from the trunk of his car. Includes all of your favorites, including the Rogue's theme, Wackson's "Bad", a rap re-mix of the theme from the Mary Tyler Moore show, plus hits by AC/DC, Survivor, Kool & The Gang, House Of Pain, Alice Cooper, plus many more! STWF - The Music. No rights reserved, so get them before the courts do!

Wow. Superfly, huh? Could we be anymore vague? Guess not...hey, isn't he the guy that the bios say has syphilis or something? Anyway. Our next match features the return of two superstars... the Wrestler Smurf, and JJJ Forbes.
And it's our second and only otha match that ain'y a tag match.
This is true.
{{The crowd comes alive with boos as the re-worked Smurf Theme plays. Wrestler Smurf comes down the ailse, under a shower of trash, and chants of "Azrael."}}
What's a Azrael?
Gargamel's cat... seems this chant is really bothering the Wrestler Smurf.
Heh heh... you knew. You watched the Smurfs.
Currently in the ring, hailing from Smurf Village, allegedly, and weighing in at 325 lbs., Wrestler Smurf!
{{The curtain opens, and out walks JJJ Forbes... to absolute silence, aside from his theme: Johnny Paycheck's "Take This JOB and Punk It."}}
And his opponent, from Austin, Texas... weighing in at 220 lbs., Joe "Jamaican Jobber" Forbes!
Man, afta last week, I thought FFF was movin' up in da world. That's why I switched to here from Monday Nae Trous. But what's wit the debuts and the squash matches?
Squash matches? What are you talking about? I'm sure JJJ Forbes will give us a stellar performance. The ref calls for the bell, and this thing is already underway. Lock-up, but Smurf easily pushed Forbes to the canvas. Forbes back up, now... into the ropes, goes for the clothesline, but Smurf blocks it, and plasters him with a clothesline of his own. Smurf picks him up... pump-handle suplex! Wow!
Maybe Smurf picked up some wrestlin' moves in the burn ward.
Possibly... and speaking of burns, he looks quite well after that incident at Supercard. Forbes back up...
Cain't keep 'em down.
Goes for a hip-toss, but no luck. Smurf simply shoves him down and goes for the cover. 1... 2... No! Forbes kicks out at two. our first fall this match, ladies and gentlemen. Forbes will not be defeated that easy!
Too bad... maybe he should change his name to JJJTTS Forbes...
Joe "Jamaican Jobber To The Stars" Forbes...
Yeah, yeah... should have known. Forbes backs Smurf into the corner... signals for it... here we go!! Jobber Time!
What was that?
Jobber Time has no effect on the Wrestler Smurf!
That s'prises you?
Smurf lifts him up... press slam! Goes down... yes, here it is!! The "Lalalalalala!" Forbes has no place to go, and nothing to do except submit!
Here is your winner: Wrestler Smurf!
They're trying to get Smurf to release the hold, and finally... he does. Wow! What a contest between these two returning superstars. Up next on our schedule, here... we have the Crew, as the take on The Vegas Connection. And then, we'll wind things up with Nik At Nyte, as they take on the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION B.F. Sack, and a partner of his choice... lots of rumblings going on about who that may be.
It's Grady... I saw 'em preparin' in the back.
If you say so... I almost forgot to mention, it will be a match of Nik At Nyte's choosing... N@N Rules, if you will... Okay, let's go down to Announcer Lad for the intros to our next match.
Our next match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit.
{{"Weird Al" Yankovic's "Eat It" plays as John Whopper and Chris Fry, The Crew, make their way from the back. They are greated by a relatively warm chorus of boos.}}
The Crew getting a good ol' time STWF welcome here...
From Los Angeles, California, weighing in at a total combined weight of 597 lbs., John Whopper... Chris Fry... the Crew!! And their opponents, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada... weighing in at a total combined weight of... umm... no one's sure... representing the Entertainment Industry, The...
Lester Leary: Wait right there!
This can't be good. Lester Leary has the microphone. He comes Larry Lowbrow... no Rimshot. That's odd.
Lester: We are going to show you right now, why WE, The Vegas Connection are THE tag team of the Entertainment Industry... the ones in control, and the NEXT STWF Tag Team Champions. JACK! Milwaukee's Best...
{{Crowd pops big time.}}
Lester: Guys, you might be champions right now... but that's only because the V-Team haven't gotten to ya, yet. Just watch as we flatten these burger-flipping, wrestler-wannabes. JACK!

I don't know about you, Jamal, but I sense bitterness in Leary's voice. Maybe the Vegas Connection aren't happy about all of the attention Nik At Nyte's getting... and where's Rimshot?
Man, I... I don't know. Sumpthin's up wit da Entertainment Industry... sumpthin's in da air... sumpthin's goin' down tonight! I'm tellin' ya, V... tonight!
Well, you were certainly right last week... I guess we'll see if you can make it twice in a row. John Whopper and Lester Leary starting things out. Leary attacks him... rake to the eyes. Down on the mat, now... Leary's kicking him. Looks like the Connection are going out of their way to make a point.
To Nik At Nyte?
Very possibly... Whopper crawls his way to the corner, tags in Fry. Fry leaps in... hits Leary with a scissor-kick. Leary's dazed... Fry takes the opportunity, and rolls him up. 1... no, kick-out. Can't blame the rookie for trying, though...
Whoa... Fry is going crazy... kicks and punches all over Leary, who collapses in his corner, and makes the tag to Larry Lowbrow. Lowbrow looks hesitant to get in. The ref warns him, and starts to count. Lowbrow finally makes his way in. Fry kicks him in the mid-section, and pushes him into the ropes. Back body drop... My, the Crew certainly are impressive.
Uh-oh, V... check it out... what did I tell ya?
There, in the aisle, wearing their new Armani suits, apparently, are Nik At Nyte. Did they come down to help their Entertainment Industry associates?
Doubt it.
Meanwhile, back in the ring... Lowbrow makes the tag to Leary. Wait! Leary has just seen Nik At Nyte in the aisle... he's screaming at them, and waving his hands back. He wants them to... leave?
Nik At Nyte's juss laughin' at 'em.
They are... yes. Watch out! Chris Fry from behind! Brainbuster! Leary is staggered... Could we see it? Yes! Food Poisoning! Leary is down... and out. 1... 2... 3! The rookies have just defeated the veteran team. Larry Lowbrow wasn't watching his partner! He's outraged!
Chris Fry is cramming those French Fries down Leary's throat! You can just smell those arteries hardening. Leary is still down, The Crew's getting out of there, and Nik At Nyte are leaving through the fire exit. What is going on, here?
Here are your winners: The Crew!
We're quickly running out of time, here, folks... but we promised you this main event, and it will take place.
{{The crowd comes alive as the theme to "Sanford and Son" plays. B.F. Sack, with Big Daddy Panama by his side, walks out to a tremendous welcome.}}
Where's Grady?
I don't think his partner will be Grady...
Yeah, man... it's Grady.
Sack: ::takes the microphone from Announcer Lad:: Everyone knows who I am, so there's no need for an introduction.
{{The crowd reacts very positively.}}
Sack: So, allow me at this time, to introduce to you... my tag team partner for the evening... the one, the only... Rack 'Em up, 'cause it's the Tiger!!
{{The crowd is deafening... so loud, in fact, that no one even hears the Tiger's theme as he walks out.}}

Oh, my!!! The Tiger as B.F. Sack's partner!! What a suprise!
Nik At Nyte's still gots a s'prise of they own.
They certainly do... in fact, here comes Rodney Ricardo down the ramp. Where's Darren #3? Where's the inroductions? Oh, it doesn't matter, anymore!
Hey dere, B.F. Sack, Mr. Main Event... and your little pal Tiger. You t'ink dat scares Nik At Nyte? No, way, José!
Man, Los Mexicanos Nondescriptos are here? I ain't seen dem in ages!
If you remember... we have a little surprise of our own... you see, Nik At Nyte rules is dis: You fight Nik At Nyte, but we didn't tell you which members of Nik At Nyte you were going to face!

So, here is MY tag team partner... Mr. Fred!
Oh, come on!! He can't be serious!
I think he is, V... here comes da horse... wrestlin' trunks and all.
Well, this is certainly a first. Mr. Fred being led into the ring by young Rodney Ricardo... and, yes... it looks like Rodney will be starting this match. Sack charges him! Tackle! Fireman's take-down! Sack's all over Ricardo!
Revenge is sweet...
Sack goes for the Domino Effect already, but Ricardo slides out of the way... the tag is made to... ::sigh:: Mr. Fred. The horse is in the ring. Oh, boy...
Sack don't know what to do... he tags in Tiger.
The Tiger looks a bit confused, as well... ... Big Daddy Panama is arguing with the referee... the horse should not be in the ring! Wait! What's this? Ricardo attacks BDP! Sack leaps off the apron and attacks Ricardo! It's a slobberknocker on the arena floor. And in the ring... Tiger and the horse. Tiger's just looking around and shrugging. The ref's on the outside, trying to calm things down.
Lookit dat!! Darren #3 out of the audience with a television set! He smashes it over The Tiger's head... he motions to Mr. Fred, and Mr. Fred ... ... makes the cover?!?
The horse is sittin' on Tiger! The ref turns around, and counts! Oh, no... it can't end like this! Come on! 1... 2... 3! Nik At Nyte has just defeated the World Champion, and a top contender! It's not over, though! Here comes the Inner Circle! Milkwaukee's Best attack Darren #3 and Ricardo, as Sack and Tyrone Mayhem are trying to get the horse up. "Not Prisoner X" has joined them now...
They puttin' the beat down on Nik at Nyte!
They sure are! But here comes the Entertainment Industry... Cadabra, Gruff, Dealer... coming to Nik at Nyte's aide... but where are the Vegas Connection?
They up there, V... look!
Up in the cheap seats... the Vegas Connection is watching, and... laughing?! What is everyone's problem here? I'm... ... I'm confused... who's on who's side? Is Sack with the Inner Circle? Is Nik At Nyte NOT with the Entertainment Industry, or is the Vegas Connection not?! Or are they both not? Or are they both, but it's a set-up, so we think it's not?!?
Calm down, V... I think everyone will tune in next week to find out! Quit sellin' it...
Never quit selling! Tune in next week as B.F. Sack mst now put his belt on the line against a member of the Entertainment Industry, and watch for the debut of Superfly. All that and more next week... on Friday Friday Friday... because one Friday is never enough!! And watch Unscented, an In Your Face Pay-Per-View! Cheap plug... cheap plug...
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre