(interior pan of the Cowpie Palace, multiple fireworks go up in a display not ever seen on a Friday, the budget for the year gone up in about 30 seconds. Girl Friday has been replaced by several ladies known by Sweet Candy Andy, and they ain't half bad).
Well here we are everyone, it didn't seem possible, but it's true, the big 10th episode of Friday Friday Friday, to be followed closely by Supercard III next week. Oh what a night this is gonna be, right Gary?
BRAP!! Uh yeah, except we've got some big storm clouds moving in, so I hope there isn't any kind of power outage, because of course, TIME is running out, so if something like that should happen, then there is a damn good reason for it, hint, hint.
Uh yeah, real smooth Gary. First up in our huge lineup tonight is a Crucifixion match between the Tibetan Monk and Friar "Buck". Hey, its Good Friday tonight you know, I gotta say that the christian has a better than even chance at victory tonight. Then we have Nik at Nyte taking on Milwaukee's Best .
Oh no, remember what happened the last time we had electricity in a match, back in October?
Yes but that was then and this is now. Tonight we finally get to see Tyrone Mayhem take on the Pencil Necked Geek in an Electrified Barb Wired match, and we'll see it happen even if security has to drag him in.
Probably will, considering that PNG is just a big CHICKEN.
Hey, didn't you hear Der Kommissaar's order about not calling people chicken. Anyway, up first we will see Tortilla Tito as he will battle the Tiger.
Introducing first, from Guadalajara, Mexico, with a weight of 215 pounds, Tortilla Tito. (The guy with the edible tortilla hat comes in to the sound of Nacho Man. Crowd roars its approval as he does several cartwheels down to the ring. Right behind him is his woman Salsa.)
And now, from Richmond Virginia, weighing 252 pounds, THE TIGER! (Eye of the Tiger plays, and Tiger comes down in his leather jacket with Rack 'Em Up on the back. Good crowd pop for him too.)
The two lock up, and go for the test-o'-strength. Tito is outmatched on this one, but he gets out with a knee delivered to Tiger's gut. Tito runs off the ropes, and hits Tiger with the running Lariat. Tiger is down and Tito with the lateral press. 1.., kickout, you ain't going to beat the Tiger that easy. Tiger is back up, and he catches one of Tito's hands. Takes it into a top wristlock, twirls him around and now has Tito in a double underhook. Tiger takes him over in a back slide, and Tito's shoulders are on the ground. ref counts 1..2.. oh, he just barely gets out of that one.
Looks like we are going to see a lot of fancy joint locks in this one, me, I'd just go for the quick power move and get things over as soon as possible. Ohhh, Tiger just reverse DDT'd Tito, that was pretty good, hey buddy, get me one of them jumbo dogs there, extra mustard and lots of onions.
Oh great, more damn onions. Tito has kicked out of another cover, and now Tiger with the Spinning Neckbreaker. He is now stomping on Tito's neck and back, looks like he's looking to go for the Rack already. Sure enough Tito is up, is he going to submit? No, despite the obvious pain Tito is hanging on. Tiger is getting frustrated, he's spinning around and one of his legs just caught the ref in the side of the head. Tiger notices this, just as Tito screams he has had enough, and prods the ref with his toe, with Tito just hanging around.
Looks like Salsa has bailed out, but wait, who's that she's bringing down to the ring?
Its Bohemoth. He's coming down with that cane in hand, and Tiger still doesn't see him. Whamm, Bohemoth hits Tiger across the knee with the white cane, and Tiger goes down with Tito landing on his head. Tito looks up and sees Bohemoth, he's still in a daze, but he has enough wits to realize that he's got a chance for the win. The ref is stirring, but he doesn't know what has happened.
Imagine that? Tito manages to, Munch Munch urble grumble. Ummm good hotdog.
What the Glutton tried to say is that Tito managed to drape a leg over Tiger's chest, and 1...2..3. That's it Tito picks up a big win.
The winner of this match TORTILLA TITO.
But Tito isn't through yet. Salsa just dragged Tiger across the ring and now Tito is going up for the Dorito Drop. Bamm he hits it. OK Tito, you've made your point. Oh No, Bohemoth is now going up to the top rope. Looks like Tiger is going to find out first hand what The SMASHER is all about. Wait, Anarchy is behind Bohemoth, gives him a push, and Bohemoth falls backward, crushing Anarchy to the ground. Michael Wackson and Tortilla Tito are in the ring, and they are GASP, brawling.
Here comes the rest of Apocalypse, and there comes the Asylum close behind. Now we've got, lets see, Tito, Wackson. Sugerplum Harry just got his nuts cracked by that mongoose of Zebulon. The Circus Freaks are standing off with the Inevitables, who don't seem to want to go, probably just resting up for Supercard. ThatGuy goes right for the Keepers finger, and gets thrown right out of the ring and into Bohemoth who is still lying on Anarchy. And Tiger, well he's underneath all this mess.
That's it we're going to commercial, It could be a month before all these guys are pulled apart.
Brand new, and for a limited time only. STWF personality T-shirts. Tiger with his Rack 'em Up, 4:6 on the back. Executioner has the man with the black bag over his head on his shirt. Come on, he's ugly, but not that ugly. Sugarplum Harry is marketing a pink "HIT THE MUSIC!" T-shirt - who'd have thunk it. ThatGuy has his "You're Not Safe!" T-shirt, and of course be sure to pick up Nip's "Cold Is Hot" shirts, they're collector's items now. Lots more, but they don't come cheap. Send $29.95 plus shipping and handling to "Der Kommissaar". He'll make sure you get it. Allow 20 to 30 weeks for delivery.
We've got mongooses (mongeese?), goats, horses and monkeys. But what is Easter without Bunnies. That's right, later tonight right here on Friday Friday Friday, we will answer the question that has plagued mankind for ages. No not ThatGuy, mankind.
[[[For the last time, ThatGuy is NOT based on Mankind! End transmission!]]]
What the hell? Anyway, we will see if Bunnies can fly. 25 numbered Bunny rabbits will be dropped from the roof of the Cowpie Palace onto the ring. Members of the crowd can predict which ones will live, and if they win, they get a chocolate bunny of their very own. Sorry folks, the real bunnies have all been spoken for, as Gary Gourmando is having lunch after the card is over.
Well, the ring has been cleared, the barbed wire has been set up, and we are ready for our next big battle.
Introducing first, from Computers Unknown...Pencil Necked Geek! (The Geek seems willing to fight. He seems to have put on a lot of weight. Probably the thick rubber suit he's wearing for insulation.)
And now from none or yo' damn business, Tyrone Mayhem. (This guy is all business, he runs for the ring and is right in PNG's face before his music begins to play.)
Well here we go, PNG seems to be snickering as Mayhem is rubbing his hands together in anticipation. I think this is the first time we've seen this relative newcomer smile. PNG goes for a kick to Mayhem's knee, but Mayhem just sticks out his hand onto PNG's forehead and prevents the smaller man from getting even close. PNG kicks air and goes down with a thump.
Finally we are gonna see this little twerp get what's coming to him, come on Mayhem, rough him up good so I can finish the job at Supercard.
PNG may be down but he's not out, he uses the ankle-sissors to get the now-cocky Mayhem down to his level, now he's on Mayhem's chest like a cat, pounding away, but Mayhem isn't selling it. Mayhem reaches up and grabs PNG around the throat, he then turns the tide on PNG and now Mayhem is on top, pounding away with closed fists. Tyrone Mayhem gets up, and I don't think PNG knows where he is. Mayhem whips PNG to the rope, perhaps to finish the job on the Geek, Mayhem waves to the crowd in anticipation of defeating this annoying little guy.
What's this, PNG isn't affected at all! That rubber is insulating. Mayhem slams him to the mat. PNG gets up, and he presses a button on his waistband. He's lifting off!
Air compressors in the boots. That old gag. What the, one of the boots is malfunctioning! The Geek is spinning circles in the air!
Quick tip, kids: If you're going to enhance your boots, don't leave them in the locker room where Gluttons with wrenches can get at 'em.
The one compressor has him just hovering at chin height. Tyrone applies the SMACKDOWN! PNG is out cold, but still in midair. Mayhem tries to pull him down, and succeeds. The cover: 1...2...3!
Here is your winner, TYRONE MAYHEM.
PNG doesn't think it's over. He pulls out a spray can and blinds Tyrone with it. Mayhem sent for the ride... and what a ride! Mayhem is twitching like nobody's business. Well, at least he won the match. His eyes are leaking some green stuff. I guess the Geek's chemistry lessons paid off, but he's going down at SUPERCARD, this I guarantee. BRAAAP!
Well, we've finally got the power shut off, and now the stretcher is coming out for Tyrone. PNG got the loss, but it looks like he outsmarted everybody again, hope you're looking forward to your match with him Gary.
If he tries any of that dirty stuff with me I'll just eat the Bastud.
Up next we have the Crucifixion Match. Apparently this is a match of the Tibetan Monk's own making, and the winner gets to nail the loser to the cross, while the loser has to remain propped up at ringside for the rest of the night.
And Friar "Buck" agreed to this? Damn fool.
Apparently he said that he can't lose with Westminster Abby with him.
Introducing first, from St. Vincent's, Newfoundland, Canada, accompanied by Westminster Abby, Friar "Buck". ( the Friar comes in to the Benny Hill theme, seemingly out of place as he carries a huge cross on his shoulder. Crowd can't believe what they are seeing.)
And now, accompanied by his manager, Dali Lama...The Tibetan Monk! (The Buddist chants begin. Just as Friar "Buck" gets to the ring, he props the cross up, and shouts in a rage at this perceived blasphamy.)
And here we go. As the Tibetan Monk get to the ring, "Buck" gives him a good hoof to the face. The Monk, the one from Tibet that is, gets dragged into the ring by his ear. "Buck" rakes the eyes of the Tibetan Monk. And now with the armdrag down to the mat. Buck is now working over that right arm of the Tibetan Monk's and....
We are back, wow that must be a big storm out there. To recap what happened, well, you only have to look down at the ring to see Friar "Buck" propped up and looking down at the ring with pain in his eyes. The Tibetan Monk won via the Guillotine, and "Buck" submitted in about three seconds. Not to say that Westminster Abby didn't give Dali Lama a few hits with the switch she carries, but it just wasn't enough. Well, I guess "Buck" is feeling like a martyr right now.
Mmmm, yeah, but don't you think his hands'll hurt tomorrow?
I guess. Right now, Nik at Nyte is taking it to Milwaukee's Best, lets get back to the action in progress.
Darren #3 is doing pretty good in there with Beast. He's got the huge monster up, and Piledriver. Goes for the cover. 1..2.. kickout. Darren #3 takes Beast over to the corner, and makes the tag to Rodney Ricardo. Rodney takes up where Beast left off and slaps the big man into a reverse headlock. Swinging Neckbreaker, and the Beast looks like it's all over for tonight.
Ref counts, 1..2.. another kickout, Beast is making his way over to Beast Light, and the Tag is made. Wow, Rodney is begging off, but here comes Beast Light, swinging haymakers right and left, and DOWN goes Rodney. Rodney is back up, trying to regain control of this thing...stops the kick of Beast Light, but Light hits the Enzuigiri. Now that the lights are out on Rodney, Beast Light is going up top. Beast is over there to make the assist while Darren #3 makes the ref's life difficult with his protests. Beast lifts Beast Light high in the air, and brings him down on top of Rodney. 1..2..3 This one is done like dinner, folks.
I agree, and I know dinner!
Here are your winners, MILWAUKEE'S BEST.
Well, that's all for this one folks, sorry for the power outage, but hey, storms (and exams) happen. See ya next Friday, for Friday Friday Friday, why, cause one Friday is never enough. And please join me for SUPERCARD III, should be good!
Time for the bunny drop, I wonder which ones will make it. Who cares, they're all going down the same way. BRAAAAP!
©1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre