(Interior of the STWF's generic arena). A flurry of sparklers and a
couple of bangs as fire crackers go off.
A rather rotund young woman is shown dancing in the ring.)
Hello fans, I'm Angus "Vince" Mcmadden along with Gary "The Glutton" Gourmando. Welcome to the première of Friday Friday Friday. Announcer Lad has the day off, so it's just me and you tonight, Gary.
Hey, Vince, that whale you have out there is almost as fat as me.
No she's not, she's just a little jiggly, but she works cheap and that's all we could afford, OK?
Yeah, sure, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her, hell I'd be thrilled to go out with a fine looking young filly like that.
This from a guy whose last date was several hundred pounds ago. Anyway, it's a big night for all of us here at the STWF, and here we go with our very first Friday Friday Friday match. It's a battle between two tag team greats, the Dangerous Bombs and the Thugs for Life.
(Munch, Munch) a tag match, big surprise.
The Dangerous Bombs come out none the worse for wear after their apparent "deaths" at the hands of The Keeper, although they are looking behind themselves every so often. Here come the Thugs for life, and they look ready for this one. (some crowd pop at the Thugs' entrance). Allright, Westside Slaya and Dangerous Jack Means lock up. Means delivers a chop to the midsection, and whips Westside into the ropes, he catches him with a huge clothesline on the rebound.
(Urrrrrppppppp)......Oh boy, he almost took his head off with that arm of his.
Please don't burp on the air.
Oh, yeah, some people might be offended, I'm SOOOO sorry.
Means controlling this one, he's got Westside in an armbar, and he is exerting a lot of pressure on that shoulder. He quickly tags Dynamite Raider. He immediately takes over and executes the Belly to Back Suplex.
This one's over, that'd finish me off quick, thats for sure, OHH Westside kicks out.
Gourmando, you're 650 pounds, there isn't anyone here, or anywhere else, who could lift that amount of blub....
Hey I resent that little remark, little man, it's not my fault that they make food taste so good.
Would you look at that, Westside recovers and catches a prematurely celebrating Dynamite with a hiptoss. Dynamite is flung across the ring, and Westside has enough time to tag Eastside Playa. Eastside runs in, immediately hits Dynamite with a flurry of blows to the head. Dynamite Raider is down again, Eastside with the kneedrop directly onto his throat. The Playa picks him up and whips him into the turnbuckle, ohh, he just ran headfirst into Dynamite's big boot.
These Thugs may know how to fight, but they ain't smart like me.
Dynamite tags in Means, he's right in there, yes he's got Eastside Playa up. Powerslam. Ref counts 1,2,3. The Dynamite Bombs pick up a huge win.
The Circus Freaks can't be liking this too much, did you hear what Means just said?
Yes, and I don't need you to repeat it. Wait, what's this, that's Sasquatch sneaking out of the crowd, and on the other side, yup that's Dizzy Desi.
No! They've got big metal chairs! Bam, they just cracked both the Bombs' over their heads.
The Bombs are reeling, but they are fighting back. Means grabs the chair out of Desi's hands and tries to hit him. Desi's too fast for that, and he takes off, Sasquatch right behind.
Yeah, hit hard and run away, that's a pretty good idea, where have I seen that before?
Excellent opening bout, up next we have BILL vs Michael Wackson.
Wackson's shown a lot of improvement since his return to the the STWF. He's made a lot of very powerful friends too, so I'm sure if he has any trouble with BILL, there will be some help. BILL on the other hand doesn't have any friends, except maybe for you, and I don't really think he has a chance in hell of beating Wackson.
Yes, well we will see. BILL locks up with Wackson, into the test o' strength. BILL with a knee to the midsection. He's got Wackson in the sideheadlock, down he goes, Wackson's face is in the mat. BILL rolls him over. Ref counts, 1,2, Wackson kicks out. Both men up, Wackson with a rake to the eyes, he should be disqualified for that dirty tactic.
Oh come on, just because you love BILL so much, ya can't whine about every little thing that happens to him. Wackson is unloading on him now. Wackson whips BILL into the ropes and he is in there with a shoulderblock. Wackson's on the second rope. 1,2,3...9,10, heavy punches to the face, ref's warning Wackson off.
About time. Wackson grabs BILL and whips him into the far corner. He's in there with a dropkick to the head, BILL is down folks, as difficult as that is to believe.
There's something going on in behind us, the crowd is getting even quieter than usual.
What's this, the Keeper is coming down to the ring area once again? He must have took what The Circus Freaks told him seriously.
Sure is, and he looks pissed, he just jumped over the ropes and into the ring. The Keeper has effortlessly pulled BILL and Michael Wackson apart, who up to now have been completely oblivious to his entrance. Keeper's yelling into BILL's face.
Wackson just slapped The Keeper across the chops, there has been a no contest, Wackson was on his way to a huge boost to his career by almost beating BILL, and now all that's been ruined.
Oh GOD he's doing it again!!
The Keeper has grabbed both wrestlers by the throat, he has lifted them high in the air and is slowly walking them over to the far side of the ring.
He's still yelling about the BOY, both Wackson and BILL appear to be out.
Nooo, that monster just threw both men down onto the Spanish announcer's table for the second card in a row! Get the paramedics, these men are hurt.
I'm just going to hide under the table here, oh good, he just ran down into the corridor.
Thank goodness, that was an unnatural display of sheer power. We'll take a break now, and when we're back hopefully the mess will be cleaned up, and we'll have the Executioner battle the <-BLEEP->swhupper.
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We're back everyone. Both BILL and Wackson left under their own power so on to the Executioner and the <-BLEEP->swhupper.
Executioner's "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin, and <-BLEEP->swhupper's "Phenomenon" by LL Cool J play.
Wow, Anarchy isn't going to like the Keeper so much after what he just did to Wackson. That little stunt with the Messenger Boy is going to cause this fed some trouble, mark my words.
Sugerplum Harry can't be getting a lot of thanks from the rest of the Superstars here in the STWF. The Keeper doesn't care who he has to go through to find the Messenger Boy. On to our next matchup. The Executioner is starting out very fast. A series of blows and kicks to the <-BLEEP->swhupper's chest, and down goes the <-BLEEP->swhupper.....Oh Gary.
(Munch, Munch, ULP.) Oh yeah, Executioner with a big bionic elbow. He's got the <-BLEEP->swhupper into a spinning toehold. <-BLEEP->swhupper kicks the Executioner in the head, and he goes back trying to shake it off. 'Whupper up, limping a little, ENZUIGIRI!! Cover 1, 2, and the Executioner kicks out.
These two are really going toe to toe. They are both pounding each other, trading blows and making no attempt to block. Executioner retreats to the outside and here comes the <-BLEEP->swhupper. Headfirst dive to the outside.
Ohh, did you hear that crack?
Both men down, Ref counting. <-BLEEP->swhupper up first, he's climbing to the top rope. MOONSAULT!! He hits it, oh wow, now the <-BLEEP->swhupper is throwing the prone body of the Executioner back into the ring. Goes for the cover, 1, 2, and he got him...NO HE KICKED OUT.
Wow cool, Executioner has taken a beating, he's bleeding from the forehead, looks a little like....Oh yeah can't mention that, can I?
Right on all counts, Glutton. Executioner is standing, once again trading blows with the <-BLEEP->whupper. <-BLEEP->, where does he get his strength from? He's got the <-BLEEP->swhupper up, hits the spinebuster.
Executioner is calling for it. Up goes the 'whupper, and slam, down he goes onto the arena floor, the Death Sentence has been given to the <-BLEEP->swhupper.
He goes out, picks up the <-BLEEP->swhupper and throws him into the ring. 1,2,3. It's over.
Here is your winner, the Executioner.
Hey, that was pretty good, those two really showed some guts.
Ahem, won't touch that one, but yes the Executioner got a very big win over the Asswhupper tonight. Hey! Will someone wake up the 7-second tape delay guys, we might get kicked off the air. Oh well, up next we've got the Main Event. A cage match between Dr. Snare and Buzz Redwood.
Here comes Buzz with a chainsaw, that MANIAC!! The ref forces Buzz to leave the chainsaw outside the cage, thank God for that. Now the master of the cage match, Dr. Snare, is in the ring. This is gonna be great.
Redwood's "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK" and Dr. Snare's "Hole in my Soul" by Aerosmith play, and the match is underway.
Snare and Buzz are trading blows, Snare blocks, hits Buzz again and Buzz is down. Snare with a big leg drop onto the lumberjack's face.
Doc is up, he's headed out already. Here comes Buzz, he takes a kick to the head, but he's got a hold of Dr. Snare's leg, down they come. Snare lands on that leg. Was that a crack I heard?
Yes, but that was your chair, you've really got to cut down, Glutton. Snare has twisted his knee though, and the lumberjack is taking advantage. He's got Snare's leg hooked up in the ropes, and is delivering huge double-axehandles directly onto the knee. His aim is deadly.
Buzz's favorite, he's been doing that on trees and people since he was born in the lumberyard.
I don't think Snare can walk, he's really hurting. Buzz is up, he's climbing quick, I think this is over already.
What the HELL is that up there?
Is that Messenger Boy up in the rafters? Somebody just cut the cord holding him. Ohhh, he just smashed into Buzz, Buzz falls back, no through, the ringmat with what appears to be Messenger Boy.
Oh no, here comes the Keeper again. Snare is dazed, but he sees what's coming, and bad leg or not he climbs up and over the cage wall for a cheap win.
The Keeper is in the ring, has he been reunited with the Messenger Boy only to find him dead? The Keeper is tearing at something, and howling folks, that's the only way I can describe the horrific noise he's making. The Glutton just took off, I've never seen that slob move so fast before, the coward. The Keeper just tossed the Messenger Boy high in the air, he lands right in front of me. Wait, by Jove, it's a dummy!!!! We've been had. A fine mist of pixie dust is falling to the ring now, the Keeper is continuing to howl. Who knows what has happened to Buzz Redwood? We are out of time, I'm Angus "Vince" McMadden saying goodnight. See you next week here on Friday Friday Friday, because one Friday is never enough! I'm out of here.
(c) 1998 Stereo Type Wrestling Federation/Consejo Stereotypicos de Lucha Libre